Dropping and collecting 18 year old to part time work..a mile away.

[aldischristmas]

My 18 year old is still at school.We are in the ROI.She works most weekends for a few hours on Saturday and Sunday.Those hours can be morning or evening but she expects a lift to and from work and is quite nasty when i complain at having to stay up to collect her at unsociable hours.I felt completely justified in saying no when I am not free as I have other kids and am a single parent.She earns plenty so could easily afford a taxi and she also has her Dad closeby, who is pretty useless but she won't even ask him. I was talking to one of my closest friends who then told me that she was changing her entire wekend plans because her own 18 year old daughter needed to be dropped and collected to/from work. AIBU to think this is absolutley ridiculous that our lives are now revolving around our 18 year olds needing lifts to and from work.I am beginning to think that we are our own worst enemies.

What do you think people do who don't drive?

I did it for mine as I didn't want them walking alone in the dark. I also paid for driving lessons for their 17th Birthdays and helped with a cheap runaround for their Christmas gifts. The two that are old enough saved to be able to insure the car themselves once they passed their tests. We live a bit off the beaten track so driving is seen as essential and helped both secure apprenticeships in their chosen careers.

is quite nasty when i complain at having to stay up to collect her at unsociable hours

Zero tolerance for this. She is 18, so she needs to understand responsibility. And manners!

Your post hints at late at night.
So regardless of the age id give my child a lift.a Sam out past a certain time in lots of areas is or can be dangerous. If she doesn't feel safe she doesn't feel safe.
If like to think we could work around it if we had something on etc but it's a mile to help my dd feel safe then fine. Because it doesn't sound like she's just being a lazy ass.
But this is mn ,you've mentioned the bingo number of 18, so you will be told to tell her to move out so she can live where she works job Done, get her out!

good grief.
walking a mile to and from school is pretty much normal!

How ridiculous to shame someone that their dd walks a mile to school!

A mile is a 20 minute walk.
There were families who walked that far to our primary school.

A 20 minute walk is seen as being something unusual?

My 13 year old walks a mile from school or more into town with her friends.

It's not an equivalent to an 18 year old walking home from work on their own late at night.

Why did your daughter accept the job when she had no transport. Just ask her to give up the job if you have a problem!

We lived out the country when I was young, also in ROI. Jobs were 6 and 7 miles away with unsociable hours, very little taxis and lonesome areas My mother worked full time office hours and made itVERY clear I would have no transport outside of office hours. I just didn't get a job until I was prepared to move to the city and rent a room near the job.

Meanwhile there was no money from parents for non essential spending.

Buy her a bike and let her become independent.
YANBU.

well, OP has vanished.

So we will never know the actual context and if it is safe or not for her dd to get herself home.

Obviously there are contexts where it would be safe and contexts where it wouldn't.

But yet again I am amazed on mn at the number of people who won't let their kids do normal stuff like get a bike and cycle to get to their job, just in case.

It makes me sad because we still haven't grasped the reality that you are more likely to be hurt by someone you know that by a stranger. And that there are no more stranger danger incidents now than there were 50/60 years ago.
We should be more concerned about who our dds boyfriend is than about her walking home from work.

Walk or bike, definitely. Unless it is a particularly unsafe area or the weather is particularly dire. It's not your role to run around after 18 year olds who are perfectly capable of looking after themselves. Just say no! My kids walked more than a mile to school every day on their own for secondary. When they were young they didn't do it on their own after dark, but later on they did.

I wouldn’t want my daughter walking home to be honest, I’d rather wait up

She's an entitled brat.

And you're a mug.

It’s a tricky one.

I’m in Ireland too. Do you live rurally OP?

I live 7 miles from our nearest town and we don’t have a bus service or a taxi company based in the town. Nearest taxi company is based in the next town 25 mins drive away.

Even if I lived a mile outside of the town, I wouldn’t expect anyone to walk a mile in the dark, down one of our unlit B type roads that has no pavements.

However, it’s very common for teens to get jobs in the town, particularly in the local supermarkets and petrol stations. Generally, they work out lifts amongst themselves and have a rota between parents.

In your case OP, I’d refuse point blank to offer any lifts until your DD learns to treat you more respectfully.

Slagging off the mammy is a big NoNo here and she’ll soon learn to mind her manners if you stand firm with her. If DS gives me any lip in front of his pals, his pals soon pull him up on it. 😂

Taxi or dad some of the time. I wouldn’t say she should walk home late at night though x

"Canthave2manycats · Today 14:55

That's not necessarily a point of pride imho but each to their own!!

A friend of a friend lost their 18 year old son to a hit and run, walking home on a country road after dark.

I'd rather protect my children's safety than avoid inconvenience to myself."

A very sad scenario but you still need to apply perspective. Many people get killed and injured in car accidents but we still use them daily without much thought.
Wearing suitable bright reflective clothing, carrying a torch etc. reduces the risk of walking/ cycling on lanes.
Nothing will eliminate the risk to pedestrians, cyclists or vehicle occupants.

If it’s late at night/early morning I would give her a lift. My mum and dad drummed it into me that I should never walk anywhere alone in the dark and should phone them for a lift if I couldn’t get a taxi, even if that was in the middle of the night. My safety was their primary concern.

Surely a co worker can give a ride when it's late at night?

Bike or walk during the day.

Some of these answers are just horrible

I did this for my daughter when she worked in a pub during the holidays at that age. There are no pavements here and I don’t want her waiting around for taxis or walking back in the dark and rain on her own.

it didn’t make her lazy and indifferent. You don’t need to deny your kids help to teach them how to be good humans. You just need to be a good human yourself

I would collect late at night but make her walk during daylight hours. She is being lazy and you are facilitating her.

Or why can't she buy a bike and ride that?

No wonder air quality is so shit when 18 year olds are getting lifts for distances of a mile.

Feet or bike from now on

No more lifts.

You're very busy and important.

I would let her walk in the daylight but would not be happy for her to walk alone late in the evening so it would probably be a one way offer from me.

tell her to get a moped.

I started my first job at 15, at a shopping centre 10 miles away. We loved very remote so buses didn't come very often meaning I'd often have to get to work two hours early, and wait around after my shift for the next one which could be ages. I'd take my homework and do that while I was waiting for buses. Wouldn't have dreamt of expecting lifts from my parents. Occasionally my mum would offer if she was planning a trip to the shopping centre that day anyway, but it was never expected. The only time I'd ask, is when I was asked to do a shift last minute, and couldn't get a bus, 9/10 my mum would take me, but I would never have expected her to! Your dd is being put of order. She's 18 not 8