Dropping and collecting 18 year old to part time work..a mile away.

[aldischristmas]

My 18 year old is still at school.We are in the ROI.She works most weekends for a few hours on Saturday and Sunday.Those hours can be morning or evening but she expects a lift to and from work and is quite nasty when i complain at having to stay up to collect her at unsociable hours.I felt completely justified in saying no when I am not free as I have other kids and am a single parent.She earns plenty so could easily afford a taxi and she also has her Dad closeby, who is pretty useless but she won't even ask him. I was talking to one of my closest friends who then told me that she was changing her entire wekend plans because her own 18 year old daughter needed to be dropped and collected to/from work. AIBU to think this is absolutley ridiculous that our lives are now revolving around our 18 year olds needing lifts to and from work.I am beginning to think that we are our own worst enemies.

OP's daughter should have taken the potentially anti-social hours into consideration before she accepted the job.

I used to start work at 6:00, when i was 18, and had to catch 2 buses to get there.
There was no question of my parents taking me to work.

Get a backbone, OP, she's taking the piss out of you.

Well, I am somewhere in the middle between you and your friend. My dad used to do guilt trips every time I asked him if he can give me a lift (buses were pretty rubbish and I asked him maybe once a month). I wouldn't ask him to change his plans, but would be nice of him once in a while to just give me a lift and not make such a big deal out of it. Now I'm an adult and not really keen on giving him lifts too!

Btw. is there a walkway? My husband works a mile away, but there's no walkway, so he either takes car or I pick him up from work. Cabs aren't too keen on such short distance trips. My husband always struggled to catch uber.

ive just googled ROI and its return on investment, thats obviously not where you live?

You should only give her a lift when it fits in with your plans and where you’re going. This should be a favour not an expectation. If the job is unsociable hours, she should have thought about that before she took it. She needs to grow up. She walks there or gets a bus, and, if necessary gets a taxi home if it’s very late.

Republic of Ireland

What is the ROI @aldischristmas

I think this all depends on the area. Town, city, rural? Crime stats?

I'd not allow an 18 yr old to walk home at 11pm. Too risky in town or country.

But she needs to factor travel plans with her working hours.
Taxis are an option but there are dodgy taxi drivers about too so not 100% safe.

Cycling in the dark on her own, late at night, is just a daft idea and hard to believe posters are suggesting this.

Maybe you need to rope in her dad or suggest she finds a day time job which doesn't involve parents or taxis to get here there and back at night?

Knock this on the head OP. For both your sakes.

suburban roads.
most have cycle paths alongside that she uses.
No trucks.
Before most pubs turn out.

You know it is funny, it is almost as if we thought about all that before encouraging her to do it. 🤔😂

DS (17) works at the chippy a mile away. He cycles to and from work. Finishes at 10pm.

When it was raining cats and dogs last week I drove to collect him. He rolled his eyes, told me he'd get more wet trying to get the bike in the boot and cheerily cycled off! I was very proud. 😂

It wouldn't be that safe for her to walk home/ there in the dark nowadays and you shouldn't encourage that or you not giving her a lift leading to her doing that. So fetch or give her taxi money - it won't be a massive amount. It's worth not making her pay for that as the more encouragement to work the better.

Completely agree. Wouldn't be putting up with this attitude from AN ADULT

My kids 13,11 walk further than this! I give them a lift if weather bad ....

Meh, brought it on yourself. Try saying no and if she gets nasty it's tough. Doors over there.

People wiping their kids arses these days

What's different nowadays?

We don't even know what OP's location is like or what roads/paths the mile journey consists of. I'm mystified by the fearmongering.

My 8 year old cycled that to school and back each day. Make her walk!

Cycling in the dark on her own, late at night, is just a daft idea and hard to believe posters are suggesting this.

Why?, genuinely, why?
Obviously it does depend on the context, but even in rural communities there may be paths and lights. If the route is suitable, then why not?
Bikes have lights on you know so that you can see in the dark.
Safer on a bike than walking.
Have you ever tried to catch/stop someone on a bike?

Eh? Where did the OP mention suburban roads or cycle paths? All she said was that she lives in ROI.

DD1 is 17 and a bit. Depends on the walk home, but a mile away for us could be the local Sainsbury's with a dual carriageway section en route - with a pavement, but lonely and hardly anyone walking there. I wouldn't want a son or daughter of mine to walk that route home alone at pub chucking out time or even slightly earlier. Also for the rest of the route it's rural with no street lights.

DH and I take it in turns to pick DD1 up from her part time job when she works late (11pm) on a Friday albeit 4 miles away (ten minute drive at that time).

She will drive herself when she's passed her test but until then it's lifts from us.

I don't mind a group of them walking in the dark but I'd rather give a lift and be on the safe side.

I think @steppemum was describing her own DD's cycle route, not OP's DD's @namechangetheworld

namechangetheworld

you posted, in reply to my post, that you would be more worried about lorry drivers etc etc.

I was replying to you, about my dd.

You know that is how quoting posts work don't you? That if you reply specifically to someone then it is assumed to be directly commenting on that post....

I used to walk further to work, but my parents always picked me up if my shift ended late. We had no buses or taxis and a lone teen walking home at night was a bad idea.

I’ve never really lived anywhere that walking alone at night wasn’t dicey and it’s not from living in bad areas. It’s more about being isolated and there being no witnesses.

Are you quite rural and she would have to walk down a country road with no foot path.

Or in a very dodgy area, without buses etc?

If not, then she need to walk, cycle or get the bus to and from work.

She is an adult now. The occasional lift in bad weather, or if you just feel like being nice, is one thing. However she shouldn't get in the habit of relying on others to get to and from work .

It's her entitlement that is the real problem

Either refuse or, if you're happy to do it, charge her a taxi fare

My 11 year old cycles a mile to school and back each day in all weathers.

She can walk, bike, bus or taxi to work.

and all this talk of 'in the dark'

It is dark when I leave the house to walk the dog in the morning.
It is dark when my kids get home from school some days.
It is dark early because it is winter and life does still go on.