Dropping and collecting 18 year old to part time work..a mile away.

[aldischristmas]

My 18 year old is still at school.We are in the ROI.She works most weekends for a few hours on Saturday and Sunday.Those hours can be morning or evening but she expects a lift to and from work and is quite nasty when i complain at having to stay up to collect her at unsociable hours.I felt completely justified in saying no when I am not free as I have other kids and am a single parent.She earns plenty so could easily afford a taxi and she also has her Dad closeby, who is pretty useless but she won't even ask him. I was talking to one of my closest friends who then told me that she was changing her entire wekend plans because her own 18 year old daughter needed to be dropped and collected to/from work. AIBU to think this is absolutley ridiculous that our lives are now revolving around our 18 year olds needing lifts to and from work.I am beginning to think that we are our own worst enemies.

My mum used to pick me and my mates up regularly when we were pissed on a Friday night aged 17/18, 30 years ago. It wasn't demanded or expected but freely offered.

The following year I was off at university and independent. My mum's kind assistance hasn't made me a dependent shut in.

Thank you for explaining@KettrickenSmiled.

Yes, I understand how Mumsnet works thanks@steppemum Maybe try using actual sentences next time, might be a bit less confusing.

I wouldn't be giving lifts in the day time, but I would collect if its late/dark.

She's a teenager, she's still at school, it is difficult and an achievement to secure their first jobs, so it's helpful as a parent to support them in this. She is female, and a vulnerable age, I would not want to run the risks that we all know are there for lone women in the dark. Until men change, this is evidence-based not fear-based.

I go out of my way to make sure I can pick up my teenage daughter from her job, in the dark. I'm happy that I can do this, as her parent. DH and I want them to know that they can always call for a lift whatever time of night, eg if a night out/ sleepover goes wrong.

I agree that during daylight hours if a lift isn't convenient, your daughter should be open and agreeable to other ways of getting there eg walk/ bus/ cycle.

Yes, I understand how Mumsnet works thanks@steppemum Maybe try using actual sentences next time, might be a bit less confusing.

clear as mud to everyone else....

She can walk during the day but I would definitely pick her up if she finishes late at night. Well lit streets are no protection ime.

I always picked up my teenaged daughter finishing work at 11.30pm. Admittedly 5 miles away in countryside.

However, I barely escaped abduction when walking home at 11pm along a well lit main road in a city when I was 19. Also had plenty of unpleasant experiences crossing the centre of a well lit Manchester as a teen at 10.30pm.

My teen aged aunt was chloroformed ( walking home one evening after work ) and was lucky to be rescued by chance by a passing pedestrian in a city.

It’s dark all day and night during winter where I live. All talk of ’in the dark’ is quite funny..

I would collect if it is late although not specifically if it is dark. It depends on where you live and whether other people are around.

My sister does this. Their whole lives revolve around the work shifts for their eldest son.

Republic Of Ireland

That is scary!

I personally have walked around loads of cities and main roads late at night and never had an issue. The two times I had issues it was in the middle of a weekend afternoon.

Seriously, what is ROI?

Republic of Ireland @Fattoushi

Depends where in the ROI she is. Some areas are quite remote. A lot are dark unlit roads with no pavements. They don't have the same health and safety regulations we have in the UK. No street lamps etc. It's not as easy as just getting a bus or taxi.

When I stayed at my ex's brothers house they were in the middle of nowhere. Nearest shop was in a village 3 miles away as well as the school my in-laws children went to. We had my daughter's buggy. But at 2 1/2 years old she walked all the way there. She did want to get in her buggy to go back. I was 5 months pregnant with DS. We don't drive so have always encouraged my children to walk as much as possible.They spent more time walking next to the buggy on rein's than in it.

The next day we did a 5 mile walk to the nearest town. We had lunch in the cafe and explored the town. Our daughter walked half way then wanted her buggy. We got lost walking back had to ring in laws to pick us up.

But 1 mile isn't far for a 16 year old. My children used to walk that each way to the local park or town etc from 18 months. I would ignore her calls. She wants independence and to be treated like an adult. Well she's going to have to stop relying on mummy. She could have driving lessons and be put on your insurance to drive your car while she saves for her own.

That's not necessarily a point of pride imho but each to their own!!

A friend of a friend lost their 18 year old son to a hit and run, walking home on a country road after dark.

I'd rather protect my children's safety than avoid inconvenience to myself.

I was expressing amazement that someone actually asked the question! Like, seriously?

"It wouldn't be that safe for her to walk home/ there in the dark nowadays and you shouldn't encourage that"

Depends where you live and where you're going... but basically, are you saying that in the dark you wouldn't walk anywhere? It's dark all evening now for goodness sake.

I think whilst she's still at school and doesn't drive, I'd pick her up, especially after a late shift. Of course it would help if she was pleasant and grateful about it, and happy to walk there and back for earlier shifts in daylight hours...

I am sorry for your friend. But that does not mean nobody should ever walk in any situation.

I have no idea if this was the case, but walking drunk is as dangerous as driving drunk. It is the cause of many pedestrian deaths.

A mile is usually walkable but depends on time/ area/ weather.
So a mile walk along a pavements in the middle of the day- no issue.
11.30pm along a unlit country lane with no pavement is a completely different proposition.
So depends on circumstances.
If its the later then I would do it , if the former then I wouldn't unless it was chucking it down with rain and I was available.

Just an extra consideration, how many times per week are you (and everyone else saying they do the same thing) driving 1 mile? Environmental concerns don’t matter when the alternative means your adult children might have to cycle in the dark for less than 10 minutes?!

fwiw my 10 year old walks a mile to and from school by himself. At this time of year it’s almost dark when he gets home at 4!

If i didn't have plans, I would probably drop her off & pick her up but I certainly wouldn't change or not make plans because I was doing that..she could walk or get a taxi and she is pure cheeky to complain about that.

YANBU.
The fact that she doesn't even sound grateful would annoy me, OP.
I think you need to speak to her and say this is unacceptable.

My father never gave me lifts to my job when I was young (or anywhere else). He just wouldn't. At 16 I worked 2 miles away and got a bus. Same on the way home.
When I worked behind a bar at 19 I got a taxi or shared a lift home. It ate into my wages, but that's life.

One of the ways I would support my daughters in their first forays into work is to make sure they aren’t disadvantaged by feeling unable to work at a particular time or place because they feel it’s unsafe to get home then. And, assuming I could, I would do that at unsociable hours (which is, after all, when they are most likely to feel unsafe).

Getting two busses early in the morning is a completely different choice that I would not be offering support for.

That's scary I have had a few incidents in Manchester at night. We don't live there by stayed in a city centre hotel for nights out or shopping etc.

Was once aproached by a homeless man accusing my disabled daughter of staring at him. He got really close up in our faces. She might have glanced in his direction but she definitely wasn't staring at anyone as she struggles with eye contact.

Luckily there was some police accross the st. We ignored him walked away and one of police walked with us to our hotel.