Dropping and collecting 18 year old to part time work..a mile away.

[aldischristmas]

My 18 year old is still at school.We are in the ROI.She works most weekends for a few hours on Saturday and Sunday.Those hours can be morning or evening but she expects a lift to and from work and is quite nasty when i complain at having to stay up to collect her at unsociable hours.I felt completely justified in saying no when I am not free as I have other kids and am a single parent.She earns plenty so could easily afford a taxi and she also has her Dad closeby, who is pretty useless but she won't even ask him. I was talking to one of my closest friends who then told me that she was changing her entire wekend plans because her own 18 year old daughter needed to be dropped and collected to/from work. AIBU to think this is absolutley ridiculous that our lives are now revolving around our 18 year olds needing lifts to and from work.I am beginning to think that we are our own worst enemies.

I'd encourage her to walk except for the late night pickups, which Id do for my own piece of mind.

I wouldn't mind picking her up if sue has a late finish, but as soon as she was rude about it that would stop!

If it’s risky late at night, I might want to give those lifts, or make sure she’s getting a taxi. Or she could not take those shifts!

During the day, or if it’s a perfectly safe walk, a mile is nothing. It’s a mile to ds’s school and it’s normal to walk it from age 5. I wouldn’t be giving those lifts.

When I was 18 I worked 25 miles away, I got the train and walked to and from the station which was about a 25 minutes walk there and back.
One mile! Ha, she could probably run it quicker than it would take you to get out the house, into the car and drive to get her.

She needs to walk or take a taxi.

If the hours are unsociable it's her responsibility to find another job.

Don't let your 18yo bully you in your own.

Find your anger and tell her how it's going to be from now on.

You are.

She's acting as entitled as she's been raised to be.

I'd put an end date / conditions in it. From New Year she makes her own way unless X criteria when you're happy to do it.

It's a 20 minute max walk. Unless you live I na really dodgy or rural area it should be fine until probably 11 ish and then she needs a cab.

My Dad did lifts at this age but only because it involved a shorter mile walk across fields or a longer walk along fairly dark countryish roads at 10.30 (from 16-18). Beyond that you need to foist independence on her.

Just stop doing it! Tell her to walk or get a taxi. This is only an issue because you pander to her - she is a grown up, & needs to behave accordingly.

A mile! She should be ashamed of expecting a car for that - has she missed the climate crisis?

What are the roads like? If narrow and dangerous, I could understand her not wanting to walk, but bicycle with lights?

My dad would have laughed so hard at me if I'd tried this one. Get her a bike it will take her literally 3 minutes to get home.

I disagree. It’s a young woman, safety is an issue, even in broad daylight, and it’s a mile not the other side of the earth

a young man is statistically much more likely to be attacked on his way home.

Is it via a dual carriageway or somewhere which means she can’t walk it for at least the start of the shift?
but yes as others said this needs to stop. Part of being an adult and working is figuring out how to commute too.

The OP is a single parent with younger children. What’s she supposed to do with them? Drag them out of their beds? The 18 yr old needs to get a cab.

You have got to be kidding. My children and all their friends cycled further than that to school every day. From they were 11. In rain, snow or in the dark. I’m in Scandinavia and cycling is what people do here, but your daughter is lazy and entitled. There are winter tyres for bikes too if needed.

What time of day and what are the transport options?

A cab that distance, just get a bike (and a grip)! 😂

she expects a lift to and from work and is quite nasty when i complain at having to stay up to collect her at unsociable hours.

Stop complaining & start stating.
"No can do - I have the other DC to think about - why not ask your dad?"

When she gets nasty -
"Every time you are nasty to me is another lift I'm not inclined to offer you. Have a think about that before asking again."

Well yes, a bike would suffice too.

mine are now 19 and 17 and have worked since they were 16.
Buses
Bikes
own car (paid for by working)

I don't do drop off or pick ups.

dd often finishes at 10 pm, she cycles home, so quickly that I doubt an attacker could catch her!

My 14 year old goes to a youth club which finishes at 6:30. In the dark and she gets a bus home.

Independence is a wonderful thing to teach them

we do put lots of safety stuff in, eg 14 year old has 2 friends who wait at the bus stop with her, so she isn't waiting alone. Dd texts us from work at the time she is elaving so we know when to expect her and so on.

and is quite nasty when i complain at having to stay up to collect her at unsociable hours

I am guessing that the two of you aren’t especially close?

Sorry but YABU - your daughter's safety should be the priority. I know Mumsnet is big on promoting independence but theres a time an place, and this isn't it. I would offer to drive mine (maybe for a minimal fee or increased chores around the house) considering she's working antisocial hours. I wouldn't want her walking alone in the dark unless there was absolutely no choice. And I don't consider a young woman getting a taxi alone in the early hours to be much safer than walking alone to be honest, so find that suggestion a bit baffling.

dd often finishes at 10 pm, she cycles home, so quickly that I doubt an attacker could catch her!

how far and what kind of roads?

Her being nasty when you say no is the problem. I'd talk to her about that.

When dd worked in a pub, she'd sometimes drive home, we'd sometimes pick her up, or she got a cab. But she was nice to us and grateful for lifts!!

I'd do a lot less for your dd if she's rude and ungrateful.

Could you compromise? She gets a cab and you go halves on it? Is it a safe area?

dd often finishes at 10 pm, she cycles home, so quickly that I doubt an attacker could catch her!

Same here, it’s more likely the attacker would get run over..

Oh fgs, are we supposed to live our lives hiding away from society now?