Christmas is filled with over-expectation of hopes and ideas about doing special things, especially family things, most of which are a huge strain and very difficult to achieve. People develop ridiculous expectations about having this perfect day when everybody has to do things right and everything has to be exactly right. It is not possible. It is just one day in the darkest, dullest, cold part of the year. Too much effort is put into trying to control every single little thing, from the exact right present for everyone to the spare lights for the tree, to the stuffing for the bird, to where everyone will sit at dinner, to where will the Grandparents sleep, to do we have enough towels and what will the children wear, and who will pick up the grandparents........ every detail has to be controlled. By mum. The strain is incredible. Mum has to make sure everyone is happy. That is impossible.
It's time to stop all this crazy over expectation and hyper active crazy rushing about demanding that everything be just so. Just stop doing it.
Of course, some people don't have a family now and can't make the journey to the grandchildren and are alone in a cold house worrying about putting on heating because they haven't got the money and are just having a sandwich because standing up preparing food is too painful. These lone individuals will spend the day alone.
I don't really care where your DIL goes on 25th December. It doesn't seem important to her to be with her husband and his family, so if I were you, I'd stop bothering about her.
Christmas was a day put by for Christians to remember the birth of Jesus. We know it's not the exact birthday, but the consensus at some time was to have it this day. Whatever you think, there's no harm in remembering Jesus was born in a humble outbuilding for the animals. It was hardly a highly prepared first Christmas, despite that it was prophesied many years before. His mum and step-dad could not have been less prepared. Forget about a nursery bedroom with a cot, they didn't even their own home, being as they were in the middle of a rather inconvenient journey, that was by no means a relaxing all-inclusive luxury travel trip. I don't even know if they had food. I imagine their in-laws weren't much help at the time.
But let's not forget, some incredible things happened that were all prophesied beforehand. Our Saviour came to earth, born of an unmarried mother. She gave birth practically outdoors in a shed with animals around, (and we know what animals do everywhere). Actual, real Angels sang. Shepherds turned up and a bit later some very posh and revered top class clever men arrived, having made a long journey, because they knew that Jesus was the Son of God.
We could remember that.
That's all that matters.
The rest can look after itself.