Page 21 | Adults only weddings - Yay or Nay

Knittingpandas · 2022-11-06T21:51:34+00:00

I am not very familiar with the concept - it only happened once to be invited in such a wedding and I have also heard of another. But how is it possible to invite adults only? I mean if parents go to the wedding then who is supposed to look after toddlers, babies etc. ? Is it a way to say to people “we invite you but please don’t come?” We have no family/support around and this invite sounds a bit weird and discriminatory … If you want someone to share the joy and happiness with you then you must welcome his other half and, of course, children under 18 years old! Where are they supposed to stay while their parents celebrate with you?

LuckySantangelo35 · 07/11/2022 15:48

@Knittingpandas

lol a wedding should not “be all about the guest”

it should have been about you and your husband

cos it was WEDDING

sorry that didn’t happen for you

ScrabbleChamp64 · 07/11/2022 15:50

Badger1970 · 06/11/2022 22:34

I have no issue with childfree weddings IF they are genuinely child free.....

"Certain children only" is a whole other ballgame and just causes offence.

I’m doing “certain children only” and I honestly don’t see what is offensive about it.

The “certain children” are

my brother’s two children (ie. My niece and nephew)
the child of a couple making the effort to come to our wedding from abroad and therefore taking a week out of their lives and clearly no childcare

There are no other children with whom we have a relationship, our venue is capped at 80 guests.

PhilomenaPringle · 07/11/2022 15:56

A destination wedding is never “all about the guests” really is it?

I would never, ever, go to a destination wedding. It's pretty selfish to expect everyone to jet off to another country with kids in tow. No chance.
My mate's daughter's destination wedding in Spain had to be cancelled due to lack of guests.

Killeen88 · 07/11/2022 16:13

Oh I agree!! I couldn't believe what I was seeing! The poor grooms' vows were a mess because of his nerves, he nearly didn't do a speech because of this, but plucked up the courage and it all fell apart! I felt so terrible for him, but not my children to tell off or direct! If my children were there and I knew they wouldn't stay still/ quiet, I would have taken them out of the room!!
Sadly, their parents didn't seem too bothered, as their little darlings were knee sliding into his shins!! 🙈

Schroedingersimmigrant · 07/11/2022 16:18

Killeen88 · 07/11/2022 16:13

Oh I agree!! I couldn't believe what I was seeing! The poor grooms' vows were a mess because of his nerves, he nearly didn't do a speech because of this, but plucked up the courage and it all fell apart! I felt so terrible for him, but not my children to tell off or direct! If my children were there and I knew they wouldn't stay still/ quiet, I would have taken them out of the room!!
Sadly, their parents didn't seem too bothered, as their little darlings were knee sliding into his shins!! 🙈

I should have this as a business.😂

"The child remover"
Kids rowdy at your Weddings but parents are lax? Who you gonna call?
Me.
I will tut loudly enough, won't be afraid to ask "Who's kids are these? Take them for the love of god"
Start hysterically crying at parent's table about how I always wished for kids but don't dare because of certain infection I got, while going for a hug with the misbehaving child.
Also available for other events includong funerals. Ugly crying extra charge

JorisBonson · 07/11/2022 16:20

Schroedingersimmigrant · 07/11/2022 16:18

I should have this as a business.😂

"The child remover"
Kids rowdy at your Weddings but parents are lax? Who you gonna call?
Me.
I will tut loudly enough, won't be afraid to ask "Who's kids are these? Take them for the love of god"
Start hysterically crying at parent's table about how I always wished for kids but don't dare because of certain infection I got, while going for a hug with the misbehaving child.
Also available for other events includong funerals. Ugly crying extra charge

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😂😂 I'd book you!

RampantIvy · 07/11/2022 16:23

YellowTreeHouse · 07/11/2022 15:24

When I got married it was all about the guests.

I don’t think you understand what a wedding is then, OP

IMO a wedding is about the bride and groom and the guests. The bride and groom are hosting a party so why wouldn't they consider their guests?

DH and I come from different ends of the country. We got married in my home town, so DH's family had to travel to our wedding. When we planned the wedding we had the reception in an inexpensive hotel near the church so that everyone could walk from the church to the reception. And anyone who needed to stay overnight could stay in the hotel. It wasn't the nicest hotel, but because of the logistics and thinking of our guests it was the best option.

StopsWalkingToSneeze · 07/11/2022 16:32

slowquickstep · 07/11/2022 08:37

The answer depends on wether you are celebrating your marriage with your nearest and dearest or are going all out for the staged, instagram perfect circus.

1996 - We had 100 guests and my 18 month old niece was the only child there and no others as friends hadn’t had any and after my niece I was the next youngest at 25 (technically my twin brother is 15 minutes younger than me but that’s neither here nor there). Instagram didn’t exist just a photographer who used film in his camera. Should I have shipped in some children from the local primary school?

zingally · 07/11/2022 16:33

My wedding was child-free. In the main it was being I was one of the first of my friendship group to tie the knot, so kids weren't around then. A couple of cousins had kids by that point, but they stayed at home with in-laws. They were all under-5 iirc.

It would be much harder to do child-free if you are the youngest in your family, or the last of a friendship group to marry.

SirMingeALot · 07/11/2022 16:48

True. My wedding wasn't childfree but there just weren't that many there because we were amongst the first of our cohort to get married. Less than 10 of them out of about 120.

Kite22 · 07/11/2022 16:56

This OP is just the gift that keeps on giving.

I know there are regular threads about weddings being child free or with lots of children attending on MN, and it's fine that we all have different opinions, but the way the OP keeps claiming to have no comprehension that people can have different preferences and different traditions is just laughable.

Once we got on to the bit where she is claiming that her wedding was all about the guests, and then, later saying that she expected guests to fly to a different country to attend her wedding...... you couldn't make it up.

PriamFarrl · 07/11/2022 17:06

Knittingpandas · 07/11/2022 12:57

When I got married it was all about the guests. It was a destination wedding and we paid hotels and buses to transfer people from the airport to the venue. The day before the wedding we arranged a meal for them all. We asked for dietary requirements beforehand. We thought of families and offer rooms that are far from the area that the party was happening so that their babies could sleep quietly. It was all about our guests and seeing them happy made us also happy! This thing that it’s only about B&G just make everyone else a bit miserable and left out.

This is my view and what we did and I appreciate that not everyone is aligned with it

A destination wedding is never about the guests. Yes you paid for the hotel but they had to pay for the flights, and rather that it be a day or weekend it was most likely a week. Guests had to use up their holiday allowance to come to your wedding.
No one who has a destination wedding is thinking about the guests.

Limosella · 07/11/2022 17:10

What I would say is if you are invited to a childfree event, be it wedding, retirement party or whatever, don't rock up with your children anyway. It is very rude and there is usually a reason why children have not been included. Could be restrictions on numbers or the venue is just unsuitable for kids. Don't assume because you are 'family' the restriction doesn't apply to you as well, it does! No childcare, don't attend, simple.

Golfdad · 07/11/2022 17:21

On the fence here, although support the B&G's right to choose what is right for them. We wanted our cousins and second cousins etc. to be there to celebrate with us and be in the photos for the future, for them as much as us. But I've been to weddings where kids have screamed through the service and through the speeches, and the parents have been way too slow to get them out. It really did make us think twice.

Financial and capacity limits aside, I think less people would go child free for their weddings if they knew people would be considerate at the first hint of a disturbance and not wait for the glares. But that's hard to put on an invite. "Children welcome, but you'd better be all over any noise"

gingercat02 · 07/11/2022 18:08

Duidi123 · 06/11/2022 22:46

Not necessarily true. I’m Irish and the last 4 weddings I’ve been to (including my own) have been child free!

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I have been married 20 years tbf.

XenoBitch · 07/11/2022 18:30

PriamFarrl · 07/11/2022 17:06

A destination wedding is never about the guests. Yes you paid for the hotel but they had to pay for the flights, and rather that it be a day or weekend it was most likely a week. Guests had to use up their holiday allowance to come to your wedding.
No one who has a destination wedding is thinking about the guests.

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I have a friend who had a destination wedding exactly for that reason. They had so many issues with entitled family members about guest lists/venues/dates, they fucked off abroad and had their marriage witnessed by a couple they met on the plane.

lifeinthehills · 07/11/2022 19:58

There are very few people I leave my children with. I need to know them well enough or there are some family members (who would be at the wedding). In any case, a nursing newborn who can't take a bottle will trump any event, especially one a plane ride away where I know no-one who can care for my child.
As for those who say no-one will give a shit if a guest isn't there, I don't think that's true. My sister gave enough of a shit that she hasn't spoken to me for years over it.

SirMingeALot · 07/11/2022 20:12

As for those who say no-one will give a shit if a guest isn't there, I don't think that's true. My sister gave enough of a shit that she hasn't spoken to me for years over it.

Yeah, if couples actually weren't bothered about people not accepting their wedding invitations, most of the problems around this issue wouldn't exist. The reality is that some people get annoyed when confronted with the consequences of their choices.

PriamFarrl · 07/11/2022 20:28

XenoBitch · 07/11/2022 18:30

I have a friend who had a destination wedding exactly for that reason. They had so many issues with entitled family members about guest lists/venues/dates, they fucked off abroad and had their marriage witnessed by a couple they met on the plane.

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In fairness so did we. We didn’t want a big fancy do, so went abroad and extended an open invitation to anyone who wanted to come. It would meant that certain family members wouldn’t come, which was the plan.

NearlChristmas · 07/11/2022 20:37

Hate child free - went to one and it was a drinking fest. I couldn't go with my husband since he looked after children. Others couldn't go. I thought weddings meant family?

BloodAndFire · 07/11/2022 20:39

SirMingeALot · 07/11/2022 20:12

As for those who say no-one will give a shit if a guest isn't there, I don't think that's true. My sister gave enough of a shit that she hasn't spoken to me for years over it.

Yeah, if couples actually weren't bothered about people not accepting their wedding invitations, most of the problems around this issue wouldn't exist. The reality is that some people get annoyed when confronted with the consequences of their choices.

This is correct. I've turned down quite a lot of wedding invitations (for various reasons). Not sure there has ever been a single refusal with zero repercussions or grief as a result.

HerMajestysRoyalCoven · 07/11/2022 21:57

I thought weddings meant family?

Yes, that’s correct. There’s only one definition in the entire world and anyone departing from it needs reporting. Shocking behaviour, them thinking they could define it any other way than “all the kids please”. Shame!

(PS - You can still be a family without kids, despite what politicians seem to think.)

buttercream2022 · 07/11/2022 22:00

user1474315215 · 06/11/2022 21:58

Hate them. Weddings are about joining and creating families and children should be central to that.

No the bride and groom should be central not other people's sprogs

XenoBitch · 07/11/2022 22:03

Nothing wrong with child free weddings. The Bride & Groom will want their nearest and dearest there. Their wedding, their choice. They might be ok inviting Debbie from accounts, but they will have never met her kids so why would they invite them?
Weddings are expensive and a real test of your planning skills. If it is easier to say "no kids", then great.

I went to a "childfree" wedding. A couple rocked up with their 2 young children. Moaned there was no food for them (there were at our table and we ended up sharing our food with them), no space etc. They left straight after the cake was cut.

PriamFarrl · 07/11/2022 22:15

NearlChristmas · 07/11/2022 20:37

Hate child free - went to one and it was a drinking fest. I couldn't go with my husband since he looked after children. Others couldn't go. I thought weddings meant family?

I thought they were about two people getting married.