Adults only weddings - Yay or Nay

[Knittingpandas]

I am not very familiar with the concept - it only happened once to be invited in such a wedding and I have also heard of another.

But how is it possible to invite adults only? I mean if parents go to the wedding then who is supposed to look after toddlers, babies etc. ?

Is it a way to say to people “we invite you but please don’t come?”

We have no family/support around and this invite sounds a bit weird and discriminatory … If you want someone to share the joy and happiness with you then you must welcome his other half and, of course, children under 18 years old! Where are they supposed to stay while their parents celebrate with you?

Weddings are about a couple legally binding themselves to each other. Wtf have your kids got to do with that and why should they be central?

Yay from me. My wedding was childfree and most of the weddings I've been too have been as well.

Never used to be a thing. I had loads of babies and young children at my wedding. The parents knew to take any crying babies and children out, and I don’t recall having kids running around.

Anyone who objects to a child free wedding because of their own childcare issues is a selfish entitled arsehole. It’s not about you. Just decline if you can’t get childcare or don’t want to go without your kids.

It never ceases to amaze me the amount of guests who think a bride and groom who want an adult event should instead pay for and host a glorified kids party for their benefit. Genuine narcissism.

More to the point kids hate them. They are dull when you are a child. You have to wear some uncomfortable outfit, that you get told you mustn’t get dirty, it takes up most of your Saturday and there is nothing to do.

Will all those insisting how faaamily is so important and central to celebrations, be happy to tell their kids, 'nope you can't have 12 friends to your birthday party at Laser Quest, Aunty Jill and Uncle Bob want an invite and so you'll have to cut your number of friends coming to fit them in'?

I think children are an important part of families and any family occasion. It isn't about my kids, I just think excluding children is horrible, wouldn't do it and would not be paying to attend something unless my whole family were welcome.

Then trust me that parents rarely take out a crying baby and children are often running around with parents too drunk to give a shit.

We had a child sneak into the kitchen at one venue. They're just lucky they didn't get hurt.

Totally personal choice. If you have kid free you have to accept some guests might not be able to come if they don’t have child care. We got married this year and spoke to those guests with kids before we did invites to see if they wanted to bring them- the vast majority chose not to. Only a few under 1s.

Ultimately it’s up to the individuals getting married. As with any event really. Absolutely you have to realise that some people won’t be able to come if you specify “child free”, but that’s just the risk you take.

Personally I invited children to my wedding and was happy to. They made the day. That said, we were among the earlier of our friends to get married (-and divorced now, so read into it what you will) so not that many potential kids to invite.

I think it’s odd when people don’t have their own close family children there - nephews and nieces and the like - but it’s still up to them. Beyond that, the truth is that it costs too much to invite everyone’s children even if you had no issue with it other wise - they often count as “a head” or at least half, and who wants to pay that? Plus the venue often has a maximum total number.

Perhaps this is where the shift has came in. Parenting has changed massively in the last few years, and children aren’t as readily told no or removed from situations that aren’t appropriate. I definitely think there are more entitled parents than there were years ago.

I was coming on to the thread to debate / offer my opinion, but your opening post is ridiculous.

Whether feigned or not, the fact you think parents are incapable of arranging babysitters is just bizarre.

The fact you seem to think that people would go to the trouble of inviting people they don't want to attend is just bizarre.

"Discriminatory" ?? FFS. What a ludicrous thing to say.

If you want someone to share the joy and happiness with you then you must welcome his other half and, of course, children under 18 years old!

Why ?
Why do you think a couple would want to choose some dc they potentially don't even know, over actual friends that would have to be bumped off their list due to numbers if inviting everyone's families ?
Are you applying the same to couples with other caring responsibilities too ? Those that couldn't leave an elder parent with a carer ? Do you think the couple should accommodate them too because the invitee isn't willing to arrange other care ?

Lots of people get married without having any family involved. Children are not a central part of two people declaring their love for each other and a life time commitment.

Yes to this! DH and I are a family.

No. So kids are important to you. Not to everyone. It's not horrible to exclude someone you don't know/like or hardly know from an event you're paying for.

It is horrible to guilt trip others into putting your views ahead of their own.

It just means they don’t want shrieking kids.

I wouldn’t do it myself, but you can do what you want at your own wedding.

They expect you to leave your baby with family (or friends of older) or just one of you to come.

There’s no need ti get irate, just don’t go if it doesn’t work for you.

I have children.
I prefer child-free weddings.

It's not one evening. We got invited to a childfree wedding this summer which was 6 hours drive away, started at 12.00pm on the Saturday and went on until late that night. We would have had to stay Friday and Saturday nights and find someone who could babysit from Friday pm to Sunday pm. Fuck that.

I'm Irish so Nay. It's not a thing. Weddings are for families. We had 20 under 5's at ours. Only 1 was a family child (eldest DNephew)

I love a child free wedding. Everyone can have fun while the grandparents look after the kids !). You do need to be prepared for people not staying late to get back to babysitters and also of course some won't come.

It's up to the bride and groom who they want there. If anyone doesn't like that kids are/are not invited they don't have to come.

I will say that I HATE it when you get a child free wedding invitation that is worded as if the couple have made it child free as a special treat for you to "let your hair down". Well nope you haven't as I'll be paying a fortune for an overnight babysitter so it's me giving myself "a treat" not you! As I do each time we want to go out without our children.

I also have a tiny gripe about couples who won't even make an exception for a tiny babe in arms. I was told I'd need to get a babysitter for my 4 week old baby. Yes really! Had no problem sending my older child to a friend's but a 4 week old ... seriously? Then when I said I wouldn't be able to come they were annoyed about my lack of effort.

As I say repeatedly on these threads - it’s not a new concept. My parents were married on the 1970s and had a child free wedding as did most of their friends. I remember being looked after regularly by other friends and grandparents while they went to weddings (they were the first to get married). They were very surprised that I was going to invite children to mine (last to get married and had my own DC).

They also shock horror had a gift list at John Lewis which apparently is also a new grabby concept according to some on here. (Also slightly surprised when I said I didn’t want one as I didn’t need anything - I relented as it upset my aunts and uncle so much to not have one).

It's not really a Yay or Nay from me. I'd prefer for my kids to be invited, as it's fun to take them, but I totally respect the bride and groom's decision either way. If we can't organise babysitting we would (and have) decline the invite.

As a guest I much prefer adult only

I'm happy to leave my kids with GPS and
Go and enjoy myself with my DH.

This is a cultural thing. I'm Jewish and grew up in London - many weekends involved a wedding or a bar/bat mitzvah. There would always be a kids' table, loads of other children, dancing, food, music, balloons - they were fab.

I married into a very trad British family who don't even invite close family children - nieces, nephews, cousins - to weddings. And funerals are also invitation-only.

Massive culture shock all round.