Adults only weddings - Yay or Nay

[Knittingpandas]

I am not very familiar with the concept - it only happened once to be invited in such a wedding and I have also heard of another.

But how is it possible to invite adults only? I mean if parents go to the wedding then who is supposed to look after toddlers, babies etc. ?

Is it a way to say to people “we invite you but please don’t come?”

We have no family/support around and this invite sounds a bit weird and discriminatory … If you want someone to share the joy and happiness with you then you must welcome his other half and, of course, children under 18 years old! Where are they supposed to stay while their parents celebrate with you?

We had child free - well, apart from our own 9month old baby. None of our close friends at the time had children at the time.

If I were invited to a child free wedding now I would have to ask my parents to have our kids. I would actually love it as it would be a real excuse to go out without the children and let our hair down. Can't see it would be much fun taking 2 kids to a wedding anyway.

So your parents wouldn't babysit for you unless you were specifically invited to a child-free event?

And you wouldn't want to choose where to go or who to be with on your rare night out?

@OP you are not unreasonable. I also come from a culture where weddings are family events and have found it bloody weird and alienating and rude to be invited to several childfree weddings on my husband's side of the family.

Hate them. Weddings are about joining and creating families and children should be central to that.

Because everyone is entitled to have whatever wedding they want and invite who they want. If that means that they're risking a lot of people being unable or unwilling to leave children with sitters, then that's the risk they run. You're quite within your rights to turn down the invitation

Big yay from me.

When we got married our nieces/nephews were all over 12 so they got to invite a friend each to the reception to keep them company. We didn’t want any small children but my MIL jumped the gun and invited someone and their 2 year old. It was an absolute ball ache as the mum & dad let the toddler run wild during dinner and kept him up far too long into the reception. He was screaming and getting on everyone’s nerves. DH and were bloody furious and it’s my one regret about our day that we didn’t make MIL rescind the invitation that she had no business making.

I think most people have friends or family who can have the kids for one evening or are prepared to pay a baby sitter.

Oh absolutely yes from me. And I have three kids 😁
love the opportunity to let my hair down and not have to worry about looking after kids though. I know not everyone is lucky enough to have childcare.
genuinely think weddings cost a fortune and the bride and groom should have whatever they want. If they don’t want squealing babies at the ceremony or kids sliding on their knees across the dance floor, fair enough afaic.

We only invited children over 12. It worked for us because the vast majority of our friends and family didn’t have any small children. The only who did was my SIL who said she was delighted to have a night off & one of her friends looked after the children.

YABU.

I wouldn’t want crying babies or loud kids ruining my wedding. They cry and mess about because they're bored! I doubt they even want to go.

@Oysterbabe It’s not about the money to get a baby sitter. It’s about trusting your baby with a stranger, but that should be another thread.

There are people who don’t have family support around and friends willing to camp in their house so as for them to enjoy a night out.

I personally find it rude to exclude someone’s kids. It’s like a wedding invitation where you say “other halves” not invited - please come solo or don’t come …

Not for everyone. My fiance and I have no interest in having children and our upcoming wedding is child free.

We will be a family regardless of whether we have children🙄

This.
Seen some horrific videos on tiktok lately of kids at weddings! Crashing the first dance etc. obviously that’s the parents fault not the kids, but totally get why people wouldn’t want to invite them!

I had adult only accept for my immediate nieces and nephews but hired nannies to look after them in a separate room during the main meal. My friends were glad not to bring their kids so had issues 👍

I think its silly, but I suspect it began with the onset of paying people to make a wedding video in the 80s or 90s as I don’t think anyone really cared about noisy kids before the concept of ‘background noise’ on videos.

There are probably exceptions but weddings used to be for people, not some self centered photo extravaganza of money gluttony to appease the Insta gods (or photo album gods).

My own wedding was the more the merrier but as my oldest is SEN I couldn’t go to a child free one as I couldn’t leave him with anyone.

Having said that anyone can do what they want for their own wedding, on the understanding that I don’t have to go to it.

Took the words out of my mouth 👏

There are so many practical reasons people don't want to invite your kids to their wedding.

Cost (catering, entertainment, highchair hire etc)

Lack of space (in practical terms one child = one adult. Your kids aren't your friends friends. They probably have closer friends that they would rather come than your child)

Lack of supervision (have worked numerous wedding where kids are left to roam free and have ran into staff carrying hot plates and the staff or other guests have ended up injured)

Mess (kids at weddings = mess. And often destroyed wedding decorations/cake)

Photobombing

Changes the tone of the wedding (feels wrong to be doing shots at the bar when there is a 5 yr old wanting to dance with you. Some may not care about this. Some do. Don't judge)

Entitled parents (those who demand expect there to be child friendly entertainment and then make snide comments when you don't)

The couple just don't like/wants kids.

I did have a child friendly wedding but as a former wedding manager, I hated weddings with kids.

Op it isn't the bride and grooms problem to find you a baby sitter. Ask friends/family or hire someone for the night. If you can't do any of the above, don't go.

Could you explain on what grounds you think you’re being discriminated against?

I mean I’m familiar with the main ones - sex, religion etc. Not familiar with bride and grooms having to pay for children to attend weddings though?

It's very exclusive. Providing the bride and groom don't mind pissing people off it's fine. It's their wedding, their choice.

People that have child free weddings often know that people do have family support to enable their guests to attend, but they also accept they it won’t be possible for everyone and if that means you can’t come then so be it.

Why is it just weddings that people think they can dictate others guest lists?

Uncle Bob's retirement do, Cousin Betty's 21st? How very dare they not include the family children?! Would people go awwww how cute if the 2yo is running about screaming blue murder during a speech for Bob?

I loved proper full family weddings when I was a kid but it has to be said most of the guests were family and cousins so the kids knew each other at least a bit. That was back when the bride's parents paid for the wedding so controlled the guest list.

I had a kids-included wedding myself but the kids mostly didn't know each other as they were different groups of friends. I had a sit down dinner which was daft as I had to pay near full price for the children and of course they barely ate anything.

So I can see the point of both options. It depends on the profile of the guests and whether you are willing to build the wedding around the children at least to some extent.

Had a child free wedding 7 years ago. No regrets but also at the time not many of our friends had kids and wedding was in our home city so didn't need an overnight stay unless you wanted to.

Now have 2DC and invited to four child free weddings this year. Unfortunately had to decline one as had no one to look after DC but no drama about it. Throughly enjoyed the first two and looking forward to the third one!!

Each to their own.

Here here!

I would not go to a child free wedding. I hate them as to me weddings are about families coming together and children are integral to that. However, many disagree and everyone is entitled to have the wedding they want. So I understand others are going to make different choices than me. I just wouldn't go.

No…:.. the bride and groom should be central to that