Adults only weddings - Yay or Nay

[Knittingpandas]

I am not very familiar with the concept - it only happened once to be invited in such a wedding and I have also heard of another.

But how is it possible to invite adults only? I mean if parents go to the wedding then who is supposed to look after toddlers, babies etc. ?

Is it a way to say to people “we invite you but please don’t come?”

We have no family/support around and this invite sounds a bit weird and discriminatory … If you want someone to share the joy and happiness with you then you must welcome his other half and, of course, children under 18 years old! Where are they supposed to stay while their parents celebrate with you?

I am very happy to be invited on my own to a wedding ... if it is a friend or colleague of mine & my DH doesn't know them why would he want to drag along? I've been to some very happy weddings with a crowd from work which I've very much enjoyed. Equally I've been to my DH's friends' weddings and been bored senseless as I didn't know anyone (& yes of course I know how to make small talk etc but I don't need to share my DH's circle of friends).

Or news flash pay for more places! Kids are part of the family so we're included at our wedding. We set the guest list for numbers then picked a venue that was within our budget for the guest list. Why would you pick somewhere that couldn't host or you can't afford the numbers you want. I love kids running round at a wedding and they are less disruptive than the uncle no one wanted to invite!

Some people don't want noisy children ruining the ceremony and meal.
Family kids are probably just about tolerated but friends kids would be a no no.
I have 3 children myself and I would be delighted to accept a wedding invite and go childfree.
You cannot be upset or annoyed because they don't want YOUR child there. Either go alone and leave your child with partner or find someone to have your child for the day and don't stay for the evening if it bothers you that much

No. Without wanting to be really outing, imagine a big triangle that stretches over the whole of the UK, with London at one point, where we live. The bride and groom met, and live in, the place where my husband and his cousin are from. The third point of the triangle is the area of the UK where the bride is originally from. She doesn't live there now. So all of his family, and all of their friends and colleagues and people who live near them now, had to travel over 6 hours. I presume (don't know) that her family paid for the wedding and therefore wanted to have it where they live. The vast majority of the guests had to travel the length of the UK. Hotels were booked (at guests' expense) for 2 nights. No one involved is especially wealthy.

I left it to parents to decide whether they would want their children to come or not and I think it’s best for them to have this freedom

@Knittingpandas what type of catering did you have at your wedding? I can't see this working at a wedding with a sit-down dinner where venues would need to know numbers and have enough chairs and table places for everyone.

@Confusion101 We don’t have family support around - they live very far. A 1 year old would not enjoy a wedding , I agree with you. Although this is something that should be left to the parents to decide whether their child should come or not. Maybe it’s a modern thing these “child free” weddings … I don’t know. I just don’t find them very welcoming

I love kids running round at a wedding

Fair enough @Grumpybutfunny , and you should absolutely have that at your wedding if that’s your preference. Why do you think everyone has to like the same things as you though? Why can’t other people not want kids running round at their wedding? Can’t people want different things?

I'm ok with child-free weddings. However, I was really quite upset when I was Maid of Honour last year for my best friend and the invitation arrived saying "Family children only". I realised that this meant all 4 other BMs were going to have their children there. They did family group shots with each groomsman/BM and then there's me and DH standing there like we're childfree. It was weird.

We were able to leave DS with my parents but we had to go at 10.30 to relieve them as they live a long drive from the venue. I genuinely don't think the bride even thought about what we'd do with him when the wedding was 200 miles from home.

YANBU. We even had a smaller ‘hall’ to accommodate them. With supervised activities etc.

But each to their own.

It’s someone else’s event

they don’t have to be welcoming to your 1 year old

We married when we were 35 and invited family children but our friends had more than 30 children between them by then which would have necessitated a completely different venue!

So don't take it personally OP 😊

+A 1 year old would not enjoy a wedding , I agree with you. Although this is something that should be left to the parents to decide whether their child should come or not*

The parents should decide whether or not a bride and groom who are hosting the event have to host a one year old being a total nightmare? Why in the fuck should it be up to the parents?

I really hate these threads. Marriage is about two people getting married. They can do what they want. Get married abroad, get married alone, invite the world and their sister. It’s not about you!! It’s about them. It’s not about inviting the whole of your family, or making it so it’s easy for you. What’s easy for you might not be easy for them, or their family or friends. You don’t have to go. I’ve turned down weddings because of childcare, distance etc. Nobody cared, including me. Just let the ones who are paying for this, spending the rest of their lives together make their own decisions about their own wedding without judgement.

I'm a childless woman who likes to eat, drink and dance at a wedding. I don't really care if weddings are childfree or not. However, whenever this topic comes up the reasons are always ao that I don't recognize them. I loved weddings as a kid, they were not boring. My parents still drank and danced (not to oblivion but some wine etc.). We've talked about it and my mom never felt like I was in the way of a good time. And as a childless person I can't comment on how stressful it is to the parent but at least a s a quest I've never really paid attention to the kids. One invite I got was essentially saying that the wedding is not specifically child friendly but your attendance is important so it's OK to bring your child with you.

I would expect my children to be invited if the relationship with the bride/groom is based on being closely related to them, rather than being friends or work colleagues. Because my children are, in fact, related to them - I'm not.

I don't want or expect them to be invited to my friends' or colleagues' weddings. It's fundamentally different

My DC’s were not not invited to my dh’s sisters wedding a few years back. We have 3 kids and they were all over the age of 6.
I was very upset that they weren’t invited because weddings are family events and I found it difficult to understand why our kids were not seen as family.

We went to the wedding to avoid any upset to the in laws but I have to admit it was a boring wedding. Kids bring life to a wedding. I’m not saying all kids should be invited but nieces and nephews definitely should be. Up to the parents how long they want them to stay, but to not invite them is insulting!

@SpideyCraw So, if these people are so “selective” to what they want in their wedding , they could just stay by themselves and a priest and bridesmaids etc. and celebrate in silence , piece and champagne.

(I come across as a very rude person and I am not , but such posts make me furious. Sorry about that)

@Knittingpandas disagree it should be left for the parents to decide. It's the bride and grooms wedding... Its their guest list! They are paying for it, they decide.

And also I don't know what parent would think it a good idea to have their children surrounded by alcohol for the entire day (going by wedding styles here!)

As PPs have said, I really don't get why people think they have some sort of say in other people's weddings. Other invites would not be received like this!

That's bloody awful. She didn't invite her own brother's children? It makes no sense.

I agree. How else can children ever understand the concept of family and belonging if they are excluded? What about learning about a solemn occasion?

And most other invitations you can decline without getting loads of pressure from other relatives who are upset because you're not going to be there.

You expected an ex colleague of your husband to invite your one year old?
It may be that they do actually have family DC attending but put on other invitations that other DC are not invited, which is perfectly acceptable.
Why not let your husband attend his ex-colleague's wedding alone (I'm sure you were only invited as an obligation) and you stay at home and look after DC? Perfect solution for everyone. They don't get your sour face frowning at them as they have their first dance, your husband gets a night away from your controlling behaviour and you get to stay at home, outraged, indignant and posting shit on MN. Everyone happy

@Designerenvy ”insulting” that’s the word I was looking for! Thank you

But that is a ‘plus one’. If I had a friend who was single, and wouldn’t know anyone else at the wedding I would extend the invitation to them ‘plus one’. Very different.

@BloodAndFire I think it's fairly common for people to go "home" for their weddings.

Particularly if the couple are religious, people like to get married in the church where they were baptised, received Communion, etc.