Adults only weddings - Yay or Nay

[Knittingpandas]

I am not very familiar with the concept - it only happened once to be invited in such a wedding and I have also heard of another.

But how is it possible to invite adults only? I mean if parents go to the wedding then who is supposed to look after toddlers, babies etc. ?

Is it a way to say to people “we invite you but please don’t come?”

We have no family/support around and this invite sounds a bit weird and discriminatory … If you want someone to share the joy and happiness with you then you must welcome his other half and, of course, children under 18 years old! Where are they supposed to stay while their parents celebrate with you?

Totally in agreement of weddings that are child free. I've been to too many that have been ruined by unruly children.

1. The ceremony was ruined by the woman who read some prayers for the couple. Her husband went up with her, and he still let her hold their 1 year old who screamed down the microphone and deafened everyone. He didn't step in and take their child just let his wife battle on and smiled lovingly whilst his kid screamed.

1. Same wedding. Different couple let their kid crawl around under the top table during the speeches, cried when picked up and stopped, mum just looked on lovingly as he continued to screech with happiness' . Brides dad had recorded a lovely speech to video before he died. That crawling child ruined the showing of it, it really was a lovely moment that they paid a videographer to record that was ruined by this child.

Brides mum stood up and asked parent of the crawling child to remove him immediately and they kicked off like I've never seen it. These were uni friends and they posted the other day when they weren't invited to a joint 30th that they were upset because insert child would have loved to come. That's why you weren't invited...

It's really not the same is it. Adults know how to behave during a ceremony, won't scream during the speeches, won't crash the first dance.

Of course they do, which is totally up to them. People have different ideas about what they want from a wedding
That is just not for me, as I said.

people see the good & bad in this

I had a child free wedding. Other parents thought it was great not to worry about their kids

one or two people did say they couldn’t get childcare so couldn’t make it. Perfectly fine

Disagree. I worked as a wedding manager up until very recently and now I do wedding dressing as a side business. I work all over the north of England and 8/10 the wedding is fairly local to where the couple live now or where they are from.

It's only on here that people are expected to travel for hours and hours to their best friend's wedding and that they must stay for 2 nights minimum with no children.

Why would we be 'really excited and happy'? It was a cousin of my husband getting married. We were invited out of obligation - I've never met the bride and only met the groom a handful of times. You think my husband should have paid £200 for 2 nights in a hotel and done a 12+ hour round trip drive by himself when they couldn't even be arsed to invite their first cousin's children?

This is a really bad example because a) although I invited everyone with the option of a guest, I don’t think most people would expect a “very recent” partner to be invited to a wedding and b) it still doesn’t explain the use of the word “discriminatory”. That word has a meaning and it just doesn’t apply here.

This. I find some of the posts on here calling people who choose child free weddings rude or discriminatory frankly very silly. Get a grip.

We said babies under a year welcome (four came, including our own) but not over that age - the reason being the venue was small and totally unsuited and our ceremony didn't start til late afternoon so those breastfeeding toddlers could definitely leave them for 4/5 hours and leave early without it being an issue.

Yes it’s a parenting issue but why should the B&G risk one of their guests not stepping up and being an actual parent at the one and (hopefully) only time that they are having one of the most special moments of their life

I certainly wouldn’t risk it, seen too many weddings ruined by screams and hysterics

@Snugglemonkey do your family and friends really charge you to attend events?

Are you suggesting I'm making it up, or do you in fact understand that other people's lives differ from yours? I'm from London. My husband is from another part of the UK. This wedding was in the bride's home region - at the other end of the country from both where we live, and also 6+ hours from where his family live.

You obviously work with a particular type of client where both of the couple getting married and all of their family and friends have remained living in the same area all their lives. That's not how it is for a lot of people.

I have no issue with childfree weddings IF they are genuinely child free.....

"Certain children only" is a whole other ballgame and just causes offence.

If you barely know them why would
you expect your children to be invited?

I think that is the issue. I know some people will disagree, but in many ways children were better behaved/ more controlled by parents 15 ish years ago ( not sure when this started to change)

I can’t imagine why people would invite children to a wedding, we’ve had two where the children were invited and they were bored within 30 minutes.

but, OP it’s your wedding, if you’d like kids there, just invite them. (But please don’t insist.)

@Knittingpandas well I've had one of those invites too, where I was invited solo to a v old friend's wedding and he had met my partner (we were living together at the time). But they had tight numbers, so I went solo. It was fine, although I left a little earlier than I would have if he'd been there

I very clearly said that I respect that other people feel differently. I am commenting on my feelings, which I am entitled to. You can disagree of course, but there is no guilt tripping here. I would do one thing, others make different choices. Grand. I am not expecting anyone to do anything other than what they want. I am just not going to go, I am not placing a hex on their houses, or starting a row, merely declining an invitation.

Like I've said, it was my husband's first cousin getting married. That is a close family relationship (esp in his family, where there are very few cousins/siblings). I would expect the children to be invited because the entire basis of the relationship with them, and the only reason we were invited, is because of the close family relationship. My children are in fact closely related to the groom. I'm not related at all. If you're inviting cousins because you think family is important, then you should invite the people you're actually related to.

I personally love to see nieces and nephews at weddings. It’s all about family and they are very much family.
I wouldn’t expect my kids to be invited to a friends wedding but I would to a family wedding ( eg: my or DH’s siblings wedding ). The first reason being they are family and should be included, my second reason is, if all family members are at the wedding, who will mind the kids?

Each to their own but that’s my two pence worth.

I find it bizarre that people don't want family and friends' children at weddings. I also find it bizarre when spouses/partners aren't invited.

No, which is why I said in my last post to you that your experiences doesn't = the truth. You say "more and more weddings are like this" and I say no, because once again your view isn't the single truth. As an industry trend I'm giving my experience.

Funnily enough, it seems you who doesn't seem to understand that not everyone wants your darling children to attend their wedding.

Of course not, but we do not live in the same country, so there would be flights home, accomodation, childcare (which would be tricky) outfits, gifts etc. It costs money to attend a wedding. Money I would not be prepared to pay.

And calling them horrible of course.

Learning to behave yourself even though you are bored is a good life lesson. Children don't have to be constantly entertained.