Adults only weddings - Yay or Nay

[Knittingpandas]

I am not very familiar with the concept - it only happened once to be invited in such a wedding and I have also heard of another.

But how is it possible to invite adults only? I mean if parents go to the wedding then who is supposed to look after toddlers, babies etc. ?

Is it a way to say to people “we invite you but please don’t come?”

We have no family/support around and this invite sounds a bit weird and discriminatory … If you want someone to share the joy and happiness with you then you must welcome his other half and, of course, children under 18 years old! Where are they supposed to stay while their parents celebrate with you?

So that's one example.

I can sit here quoting all the weddings I've been to (and worked) in the last 10 years that have only been a one night event.

Doesn't make mine the only truth.

I think when you have to pay per head these days, its a reasonable way to keep costs down. Get a sitter. A baby is slightly different imo. They don't need a meal & might be breast fed.

I’m getting married next year and we’re only having family children (3 niece/nephews and 2 cousins children).

Most of our friends have children but if we were to invite them, we’d have to cut about 20 of our actual friends from the guest list to accommodate, which we’re not prepared to do. If that means friends can’t attend that’s fine (they all got married before the group had children, so didn’t have the issue themselves!)

Just decline if it's not convenient to go ... you don't have to accept the invitation... or even give a reason. Why do people on Mumsnet get so worked up over wedding invitations?

Me too - I find them sad! Children are fundamental to many marriages, why not celebrate with them too.

Been to far too many weddings where entitled parents think that their children being able to shriek and cause disruption is cute even if the rest of the congregation can’t hear the bloody vows

So if DP and I ever get married we have already agreed it will be child free

As people have said above, this level of shit parenting has definitely been a change over the last few years. I went to loads of weddings as a kid and I knew that I had to behave so I did

I think there is a huge difference between family and friends' weddings in this respect. I totally understand my kids not being invited to friends' weddings - they are our friends, our children are not really part of that friendship.
I think excluding close family children is just weird and makes a strong statement about not really wanting to build those relationships. The childfree wedding we didn't go to this summer was my husband's first cousin - they are nothing to me, but are closely related to my children - who would have enjoyed it. Would have made more sense to invite them and not me!

We got married in the summer; kids were welcome but initially everyone invited had childcare.

Due to last minute issues with that we ended up with 6 under 10s and honestly they were an absolute joy to have there, especially the 3 year old who was the LIFE of the dance floor, and every time she sees me now proclaims 'oh, princess!'

Lots of our friends have kids, so inviting them specifically without would have meant several of them couldn't come. Personal choice, but not something we wanted.

I agree @Cyclingforcake , Growing up in the 60s and 70s I never went to any wedding, although my parents went to many.
My parents didn't have any children at their wedding in the 50s.
I went to most weddings in the 80s and 90s and it was very unusual to see children at weddings, and those that were were just one or two children, not masses (I presume immediate family).

We had a very small wedding, it was overseas and we only invited immediate relatives. There were two children in that group at the time, a niece and a nephew and they were both invited.

If we had got married in the UK and had a larger wedding, I would want children relatives there as it is a family occasion. But friends and colleagues would need to find babysitters.

I agree OP. Such weddings are usually planned by the kind of young spoilt couples who have huge extended families living locally and can’t possibly imagine what it’s like for other who are not so fortunate.

Worst of all are the ones who try to frame their invitation as doing their guests a favour by “ giving “ them a child free night. As if the guests normally have plenty potential babysitters but are so stupid that they never go out because they can’t think of anything to do .

So would you not get married if you weren't planning/didn't have children?

Surely the couple are fundamental to the marriage. Your kids being there to watch them are not fundamental to anything.

Anyone who objects to a child free wedding because of their own childcare issues is a selfish entitled arsehole.

And couples who get pissed off at guests who can't get childcare and are therefore unable to attend their wedding are also selfish entitled arseholes.

Best weddings are ones filled with families, children, dogs and happiness.

If everyone you know lives nearby and gets married where they live, then yes, it's one day. It's unusual for it to be evening only.

More and more often, though, weddings are a hell of a long way away and start in the morning or lunchtime - to combine that with being childfree is making stupid demands on people - not just the guests, but whoever they're relying on for childcare.

I agree OP. Such weddings are usually planned by the kind of young spoilt couples who have huge extended families living locally and can’t possibly imagine what it’s like for other who are not so fortunate.

I'm not spoilt nor young, I just didn't want children at my wedding. Not everything revolves around them.

Agreed.
Of course there are weddings where it is not practical, but overwhelmingly, the weddings I've been invited to over the last 40+ years haven't involved that sort of travel.
Where it hasn't been practical, then we have sent apologies and wished the couple well.

This makes complete sense to me. I don't feel like my children should be invited to friends' or colleagues' weddings. But not inviting them to close family weddings is stupid. When literally your only connection to these people is a family relationship, the children are part of that.

It’s not about the money to get a baby sitter. It’s about trusting your baby with a stranger, but that should be another thread

If you don't want to get a babysitter then surely you need to decline all social events so why is just weddings that you are querying?

Do you expect your children to be invited to adults' birthday parties, retirement parties, dinner parties?

Personally we invited all nieces and nephews and our cousins' children. It didn't occur to us to invite friends' children; I have never been at a wedding that children not related to the bride and groom attended.

There were less than 10 kids at our wedding. That was 10 years ago. If we got married today, there would be more than 30 kids in that group.

Even if the bride and groom are fine with potentially being overran by kids as they have their first dance and budget isn't an issue for them, hotels have limits on how many people they can accommodate for dinner.

Should the bride cut two of her friends from the guest list to accommodate a work colleague's kids who she has never met and will never see again just in case that colleague doesn't like to use babysitters?

Child free weddings all the way 😁 I've 2 and wouldn't take them to a wedding , even if invited. I want a night off and also weddings are boring for children.

Why should your children be invited too? It's about the couple getting married, not your childcare. You're referring to it as though it's family children who are excluded but what about couples who have no children in their family but they have friends who have kids who may actually not even know the couple. Why are they automatically included? What about couples who may not want children/can't have children who have none in the family - should they be forced to have your kids there because you don't want to pay a babysitter? Doesn't mean you're not welcome, just your kids!

Oysterbabe
I think most people have friends or family who can have the kids for one evening or are prepared to pay a baby sitter.

BloodandFire
It's not one evening. We got invited to a childfree wedding this summer which was 6 hours drive away, started at 12.00pm on the Saturday and went on until late that night. We would have had to stay Friday and Saturday nights and find someone who could babysit from Friday pm to Sunday pm. Fuck that

@BloodAndFire - if you were really excited and happy for the people who were getting married, one of you would have gone (the person closest to the bride or groom). You wouldn't have felt angry at the thought of it!

@Kite22 You said that you found the word “discriminatory” too much and you don’t understand why I used it.

Lets say that a groom and a bride have a friend who very recently made a relationship that is going very well but they haven’t met the other half of their friend yet - meaning it’s nothing to them.

Based on your way of thinking, why would they pay for him/her? He/she would fill a space of a real friend of theirs and not someone that they even don’t know!

How would it sound to you not to invite him? Fair? Polite?

To me, it’s the same thing with the kids. If the kids go wild is a parenting issue of “their friends” , not a kid issue.

To me, it’s unpolite to invite half the family because you have no money to invite them all

its me you have quoted, and I totally agree. It is reasonable not to invite children. It is not reasonable to expect people to attend without children if it doesn’t work for them for whatever reason.

I absolutely loved going to weddings when I was a child. Dancing, cake, staying up late, wearing a snazzy dress. I bloody hate them now and didn't have one at all myself. Small talk with wankers, standing around for hours, fucking montage videos, crappy drinks. I think they're far more fun for children than for adults tbh.