Not sure whether to be a sahm or not

[Flowerpicker1]

Had 2 under 2. My maternity leave is now coming to an end following the birth of my 2nd dc. Neither dc are in nursery. DH is on a good wage.

Have been given the option not to return to work if I don't want to. Dh can cover us. It would be part not full time anyway.3 days.

Not sure what to do. On one hand I'd love to be there for all of my dcs childhood but on the other I worry if I would cope. We don't have any family or support nearby.

If you work would you rather be a sahm and not put your children in nursery? Or have you done this and loved it/regretted it?

I'd rather work.

I’d never be a SAHM

I don’t have to work, I choose to for many reasons

financial independence
being a positive working role model for my DC (especially DD)
two salaries are always better than one (anyone who says money doesn’t make you happy doesn’t have enough)

It’s also incredibly hard to get back into work if you take a long period of absence. I’d never want to risk that.

I was a SAHM for many years covering the care at home until the youngest was at school and then only worked term
time and school hours so was able to pick up from school etc.
i don’t have any regrets but I did sacrifice many years of a career and have only really
begun my real career in my forties as a result (though I’d id stopped at 2 children that could have been brought forward 10
years).
i don’t believe women can have it all- something has to “give” unless there is immense wider family support and even then thats not the same for the children. So I guess for me I’d rather it was my career that “gave”…

I would much rather work. Working part time would be the perfect compromise. I do not want to give up my career to spend 24/7 with my babies. I would go crazy

I could stay home - but i work 3 days and love the balance

It's really a personal decision but you need to think long term. Does your DH earn enough to be paying into a private pension for you?

I have always worked and my DS attended nursery when he was younger. I don't regret it but I love my job, I love being financially independent and DS loved nursery and now lives after school club.

Make sure you think about your pension (if you don't go back, can the household pay into a private pension for you?)

Part time is the best option for me. I don't get stressed out with work I don't get stressed out trying to entertain my children. It's worth looking at the maths though, especially when it comes to any free hours and any tax free child care you might be eligible for.

I would never ever be a SAHM. Actual hell in my opinion. The fact you are asking though suggests you dont feel the same as me therefore you may love it..only you can decide.

I have just gone back to work after having 2 under 2 and it has saved my sanity. It’s only 3 days a week but the independence it has allowed me is invaluable.

Give it a go and if you hate it you can always leave, but you may regret never trying

I wouldn't dream of being a SAHM mum personally, I think your 3 days a week work 2 days at home balance sounds great. Nursery has been wonderful for my DC and I need my adult life outside the home for my sanity. Also it's worth a woman keeping her hand in her career, even if it's part time and barely covering nursery bills for a while, in the long run in terms of earnings, pensions and career development.

However that's just me and my preference and every mother has a unique perspective that's equally valid. Some women would leap at a chance to be SAHM.

All I can advise you is make your decision for YOU not your dc, not your DH or based on society's pressure.

I had two under two as well. 13 month age gap to be precised. Going back to work 3 times a week saved me, mentally. It was so hard back then, being Mum and a house keeper. Work was like a holiday for me.

I’d rather work. But constant illness and being the primary carer with little support has made me wonder if being a SAHM would be easier. Since going back after my second I’ve constantly had to pick one or other up from childcare. I do work from home and muddle through, but it’s all getting a bit much!

Also my two DC are thriving at nursery, it is a joy to watch

I do agree with other posters though that there are many benefits to nursery beyond just being supervised. I see it as an investment.

Working is easier than being a SAHM in my experience.

I wont lie, it is a hard slog being a SAHM but it is the most rewarding thing i have ever done. It's a real labour of love being a SAHM. I did it for the best part of 10 years and am now PT with a 15 yo and 10 yo. I just didnt trust anyone else to look after my children. I knew i could do it better than anyone else.

Try it, and forget about other people's expectations about career etc. I SAH for two, then worked for the younger 2-I absolutely regret having gone back to work, I missed so much of their little years 😓And work has also been my passion and focus, but it really isn't too long before they are in primary school ans suddenly you have endless possibilities.Good luck

I did do this because of visa issues & moving around due to DHs work. It was pretty gruelling. I'd have liked a low stress PT job for a break I think. Visa issues etc were sorted by the time the littlest one started primary and I got PT work when she was in year 1.
There's pros and cons I think but a good idea to have something that's just 'yours' even if you are a SAHM.

It’s completely up to you OP.

If you decide to SAH you can apply for a job at any given time.

If you decide to go back to work, part or full time, you can quit at any given time.

Just weigh up the pros and cons to both.

You also need to think about how easy it will be for you to return to work, some sectors can be quite difficult to return to after a significant break.

I think it depends on your ability to re-enter the job market after the time off and whether it would have a real impact on your career development. If you are likely to suffer for having the time off then it makes sense to keep working, if you can walk back into a job I would be a SAHM. Sadly it was never an option for me when mine were young but I was able to work part time and had fantastic parents who looked after my dc for no cost.

Part Time either 2.5 or 3 days a week.

I could never have been a SAHM
Always wanted to be able to support myself if necessary

I knew I'd never get back into my job if I left

Work 3 days. You can have the majority of the week with your dc without giving up your financial independence. It's worth it even if you have little or nothing to show for it after nursery fees.

IF you can arrange 6 more months or a year of unpaid leave, with your job still there to pick up at the end, that would be worth considering (esp if nursery fees are crippling). You can have a little more time while the dc are very young. But only if don't give up your job. Don't make it open-ended.