To not want to give lifts with baby in the car

[alwaysfrazzled]

My baby is four months old and is a nightmare in the car. She screams the place down and always drops her dummy which upsets her even more. If I need to go anywhere in the car I make it short journeys and if I have to go anywhere longer than ten mins I always go with someone else in the back.
Sister in law is in hospital and needs a lift home. She stays a half hour drive away so that's an hour round trip.
She would have to sit in the back with the baby but it won't stop the screaming, on the way home would be a nightmare. I hate driving with constant screaming.
I don't want to do it. Would I be unreasonable to suggest she gets the bus home?
My partner is working away so not home to help. Her mum is on holiday. Nobody else can drive her home. Nightmare.

Ugh, another ‘I have a baby so it’s all about me me me. Everyone else can get stuffed’.
Poor SIL

Why do you keep saying ‘newborn,’ as if the op gave birth last week? The baby is four months old. And the sil may not have a ‘best friend’ who can collect her. Not everyone has a great support system. I mean op herself doesn’t have somebody she can leave the baby with - perhaps they are more isolated.

It isn’t unreasonable to ask family if they’ll pick you up when you’re leaving the hospital. It’s very normal. I’m sorry for you that you think it’s somehow really cheeky/crazy to ask, because it just isn’t.

If you drove you'd know it is completely irresponsible to ask such a thing of the OP. I am not 'bitter', at all, I didn't 'have to', I chose to.
You yourself don't understand the normal workings of a family if you think it is even remotely appropriate to ask this of a mother of a 4 month old newborn and risk the lives of others, or a CFer yourself who is used to putting others out. I have morals, I am sensible and know the difference between right and wrong, I'm sorry you don't.

A 4 month old isn’t a newborn

Yeah, stuff the mother of a newborn baby, just to save CFer SIL from calling a taxi like everyone else. Lets put this mother of a newborn out just so I don't have to go in public transport like the rest of the hoi polloi. It's all about me, me, me SIL. Poor OP and her innocent baby.

In my and most people's definition, a 4 month old is a newborn. Not forgetting Op is still getting her hormones and health back, maybe recovering from a c-section, maybe still bleeding. But who cares about her, right?

Asking family is normal, but I don't know anyone who thinks asking a person in the situation of the OP is remotely acceptable. Any decent person wouldn't even think to ask OP, that's the point.

It is to most people's minds, including Health Visitors and OBGYNs.

Well in mine and most people’s definition, a four month old is not a new born. They’re a four month old baby. I see this silliness constantly on here, with people calling preschoolers toddlers, 2 year olds ‘babies,’ etc. At four months old a child isn’t newborn any longer.

It’s not unreasonable to ask your sil to pick you up from hospital. The world doesn’t stop because you had a baby 4 months ago. Do you think women shut themselves in for nearly half a year after having a baby? Most mums are doing the school run, jobs etc when they’re baby is 4 months old.

OP doesn’t want to do it. That’s her prerogative. But it’s not unreasonable.

Charming. No, you must be nuts to think it's appropriate to ask this of a mother of a 4 month old baby that places her at risk when driving, when the CFer SIL can call OTHER loved ones for help.

How about that?

To any moral, half-way decently raised member of the human race, it is indeed unreasonable to ask a mother of a 4 month old newborn, when MOST women are still recovering, to upset her baby so much it's a risk on the roads when is is driving, to do that.

To anyone with any semblance of morals, of decency, who has a shred of common sense and empathy, they would know better than to be so cheeky and so self-centred that they would ask this of such a mother. If I had to put the OP out or call a friend/co-worker/taxi, I would call the friend, co-worker, taxi. Because I was raised better to be so full of chutzpah I'd even dare ask that of the OP. I guess I was simply raised better and am not a selfish, self-centred CFing chancer that doesn't care who I inconvenience.

@Kanaloa I am not the one who is odd and not able to look at this normally. That you think it's ok to ask this of the OP shows something is seriously odd and missing here. It's clear who the CFer chancers are on this thread, and those who were raised with scruples and would not expect others to put themselves out and risk the lives of other road users.

🙄

I must have missed the part where OP said they have spoken to a doctor about the baby crying. Can you point out where it is please?

I don't know many people (anyone at all actually) who has taken their child to the doctor because they don't like being in the car.......

No, it’s not

A newborn is defined as a baby under 28 days old.

You’ve also totally made up this point around the SIL having other people to ask

Are you feeling ok?

Are you assuming the SIL doesn't have other people to ask? Are you ok?

Even if the SIL is a hermit crab that doesn't work, has no co-workers or friends, it is still completely inappropriate to ask such a big ask of the OP in her state. No one who isn't a selfish CFer would think that appropriate to do that to someone in OP's situation. It's just common sense. Any decent person would know it's too big of an ask. Then again, that does require decency, consideration for others and self awareness.

In her state?

You've already incorrectly asserted a 4 month old baby is a newborn

wrongly stated most are still recovering 4 months postpartum

and now you think the OP is in a state?

Are you a hermit crab who doesn’t work? As why else did you not have someone pick you up from hospital when you needed it?

Yes. 4 months post birth and having a newborn baby that screams the car down and is a risk on the roads. Any driver knows this.

A 4 month old is a newborn to most people, you wrongly state it isn't.

Most women are still recovering 4 months on, you wrongly state they're not.

Why did I not have someone pick me up from the hospital? Erm, because I have legs and can get a bus, and I didn't 'need' it. Because I don't like putting other people out. Because I am not a CFing chancer.

A 4 month old is not a newborn

Newborns are DEFINED as under 28 days old. not one person with a working brain would consider a 4 month old something they’re not.

Again, most women are not still recovering 4 months after birth. The average in the UK is 6-8 weeks for full post birth recovery.

you can have your own opinion, but you can’t have your own facts, unfortunately your opinions on here don’t tally with reality.

A 4 month old is a newborn to most people.

Again, many people ARE still recovering from birth. Many don't have their hormones and periods back in check for months after.

You're the one who is stating textbook definitions that don't tally with the reality of many women on this site who have given birth. A short perusal of this site will show you have wrong you are.

No, a 4 month old is a newborn to you

Not most people. Even on this thread you’re the only person to think this.

most people accept the definition of words as fact.

Some might be recovering at 4 months, but you claimed ‘most’ were. This is not true, the average would be ‘most’ and the average is 6-8 weeks.

Putting an infant in the front seat is negligent. It’s not an option, no matter how much the child hates the car.

the op stated that the bus was available. In a place that has buses, I would expect there to be hired cars of some sort available, even though they might be expensive. Even arranging a car and driver in advance from a car service could be an option.

if she had not mentioned the bus, the assumption of hiring some type of car service might be unreasonable.

@alwaysfrazzled I know you said you were leaving the thread, but just in case you have another peek, my eldest was a nightmare in the car when he was a baby. Screamed from the moment I put him in the car seat. NEVER EVER fell asleep. Just screamed. And it was very very stressful and distracting. Sometimes I just cried too. But the thing that worked for me in the end was playing nursery rhyme type songs on a continuous loop. Honestly, it was like somebody flicked a switch. DS2 was the opposite. He screamed when I put the songs ON🤣🤣 But at least by that time DS1 was old enough not to need them anymore!