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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be embarrassed by my behaviour- road rage incident

219 replies

Newmum1998 · 06/11/2022 09:45

I am absolutely mortified this morning...

When I was driving home there was busy traffic on the main road and there were cars trying to join the main road from a side road. I was on the main road and the people in front of me were letting all the cars from the side road in in front of us so I was stuck still in traffic for ages behind them all . To make matters worse my child was screaming in back of car whole time as wasn’t happy the car wasn’t moving. I know obviously you need to let cars from the side road in but it was literally every car so it meant when the traffic did start to move a bit they were just letting another car in and so I wasn’t getting to move forward at all for ages.

anyway when I finally reached the point in the road where other cars from the side road were trying to join I decided I wasn’t going to let anyone in as I had been waiting for a long time as everyone in front of me had been letting them all in.
However there was a man with who I’m guessing was with his wife and teenage son in the car trying to join in front of me and he was having none of it.
there wasn’t much room between me and the car In front but this man just kept coming forward and forward and trying to get in front of my car and I could see he was laughing as he was doing it. He actually forced me to break as otherwise he was just going to go in into my car he got that close.
he managed to squeeze just a bit of the very front of his car in between mine and the car in front of me.
This is where I am really embarrassed I all of a sudden was so angry and I beeped my horn and stuck my finger up at him and shouted (I doubt he would have heard me shout as the windows were shut) but he then proceeded to sit in the car and him and his teenage son looked at me and laughed hysterically. They looked and laughed at me for a while it was ridiculous .
I was absolutely furious at a grown man who looked to be in his 50’s acting so childish.
when the traffic moved forward a bit in front of me he was then able to properly pull out and I beeped at him again as I was so wound up at this point because they had just been sitting laughing at me.

I’ve never done that before and now that I’ve calmed down I’m really embarrassed somebody that I know might have seen me. I also feel like such a bad mum as I had just had a great night with my son and I feel so bad ruining it because I got so angry at some idiot and shouted in front of him. I know I reacted badly to quite a minor incident, I’m under a lot of stress and pressure at the moment. I’ve been going through court with an abusive ex who used to abuse me and wind me up and then laugh at me reacting to his abuse and so this just kind of stuck a nerve with me.

Has anyone else just lost their temper and then totally regretted it afterwards?

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmum1998 · 06/11/2022 15:10

Ohyoucutie · 06/11/2022 15:08

He was…. Inconsiderate

you were rude and abusive and lost your temper

Given your history op with your ex (I recal your user name), I would have thought you more than most would know how unpleasant abusive behaviour is to be on the receiving end

that’s a low blow
what I did yesterday doesn’t compare to being in an abusive relationship
Im not trying to excuse my behaviour, I know it was wrong. I’ve said that a million times.

OP posts:
ThingsIhavelearnt · 06/11/2022 15:10

primeoflife · 06/11/2022 09:55

Surely you take it in turns

Depends near me is a bridge and there is a long queue to get over the bridge and a left hand turn that cuts off the corner and there is a sign to say you can’t use the cut through from 7.30 to 9 yet daily people do so when I have spent 30 minutes queuing and they cut through and form continual traffic from the left - no I don’t let them in and it makes me cross and they should have police there arresting people as it is a local law on that on that road you can’t cut through at that time

this is people taking the Piss not merging and this is someone bullying their way in

Ohyoucutie · 06/11/2022 15:11

Have we not all had someone edging in to a line and you feel annoyed.

and what do we do? We roll our eyes, or sweat under our breath.

and yet some of you think it was reasonable for the op to swear, to shout, to give this family the middle finger.

We have all experienced what the Op did, so we all should know how unreasonable the OP was in her reaction

35965a · 06/11/2022 15:12

He was in the wrong but you ended up acting badly - you had a moment where you lost control of your emotions but in the grand scheme of life it was nothing. Try to learn from it and then be kind to yourself. We are all human and sometimes people get angry and act like a bit of a tit, it happens.

Ohyoucutie · 06/11/2022 15:13

Newmum1998 · 06/11/2022 15:10

that’s a low blow
what I did yesterday doesn’t compare to being in an abusive relationship
Im not trying to excuse my behaviour, I know it was wrong. I’ve said that a million times.

Show quote history

Shouting and swearing and giving someone the middle finger is pretty much the definition of being abusive

Original poster
Newmum1998 · 06/11/2022 15:14

Ohyoucutie · 06/11/2022 15:11

Have we not all had someone edging in to a line and you feel annoyed.

and what do we do? We roll our eyes, or sweat under our breath.

and yet some of you think it was reasonable for the op to swear, to shout, to give this family the middle finger.

We have all experienced what the Op did, so we all should know how unreasonable the OP was in her reaction

We’ve established the other driver was in the wrong so now you’re attacking me over my reaction which I’ve already admitted was wrong and OTT and I am embarrassed by it...

seems like you just want to have a dig at someone today

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmum1998 · 06/11/2022 15:15

Ohyoucutie · 06/11/2022 15:13

Shouting and swearing and giving someone the middle finger is pretty much the definition of being abusive

Show quote history

One incident in a car and being in an abusive relationship for years are two very different things

OP posts:
Ohyoucutie · 06/11/2022 15:15

And sounds like you wanted a response from this op that hasn’t delivered.

Megapint · 06/11/2022 15:18

Well he was necky pushing himself out, but sometimes you have to. You responded by acting like a dick. I would have probably laughed at you to, it's a better response than aggression. Who knows maybe he wasn't even laughing at you, maybe he'd just had a good night with his family. Coming next on mumsnet Christmas shopping carpark wars

PurplePixies · 06/11/2022 15:19

Ohyoucutie · 06/11/2022 15:02

Mainly because many of us don’t see him as having done anything wrong. He didn’t know the context that car in front of you had let loads of cars in and you were…. Somewhat pissed off already. To him… you hadn’t let any in so 🤷‍♀️ why not be a touch persistent.

and laughing at you was spot on. No abuse, no middle finger, no mouthed obscenity, just chuckling at a driver having a rude adult/toddler tantrum

Didn’t do anything wrong?
To him… you hadn’t let any in so 🤷‍♀️ why not be a touch persistent.

Talk about minimising the situation. He was clearly trying to ram his way into the main road when there wasn’t a safe gap.

Have you passed your driving test?
Where does it state in the Highway Code that drivers turning left from a side road have a right of way over traffic already on the main carriageway or are entitled to expect to be let in at any point.

Even if none of the previous ten cars let anyone in, none of them were breaking the law.

What makes him so special that he can’t be expected to patiently queue as the law requires?

5128gap · 06/11/2022 15:20

What do you want people to say? You've said it yourself, you behaved in a childish inappropriate way and you're embarrassed. Your embarrassment is for a reason, it's telling you you've failed to meet your own standards of behaviour and if you don't want to feel embarrassed again, you shouldn't repeat it. That's all there is to say really.
Whether we think it was justified or not shouldn't matter, if you don't think you should have done it, just don't do it again.

Boomboom22 · 06/11/2022 15:21

This thread is mad, how is it OK for him to just drive into the main road? He can wait for a gap! Those who let people are actually breaking the highway code although they think they are right.

Windywuss · 06/11/2022 15:22

Fookin hell.... You're getting a hard time. AIBU is like catnip for angry people... probability not helping your blood pressure.

Don't be embarrassed! He was a complete entitled tosser and a bully.

I drive to work into a small city every day. There a side roads every few metres. Drives me bonkers when the 'helpful' person in front stops for every bugger disrupting the flow of traffic. I'll let people out if we've stopped anyway but I don't have to. It's my right of way.

There's a difference between being assertive and taking the piss like the driver you came across!

MajorCarolDanvers · 06/11/2022 15:24

He was not going to stop he kept edging his car in so yes I had to break he was extremely close to hitting my car

Of course he did.

You were being an arse and going against all road etiquette in these circumstances. You should each let one car out in turn.

Cherrysherbet · 06/11/2022 15:25

Can’t believe you’re getting such a hard time op!

The bloke was a twat. It was your right of way. Your choice if you let him in or not. That’s the law!

He behaved like a dick.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 06/11/2022 15:27

Schroedingersimmigrant · 06/11/2022 09:53

How is he the bad guy since you didn't allow for zipper merge?

If you think that's what a zipper merge is, please stop driving.

Windywuss · 06/11/2022 15:28

MajorCarolDanvers · 06/11/2022 15:24

He was not going to stop he kept edging his car in so yes I had to break he was extremely close to hitting my car

Of course he did.

You were being an arse and going against all road etiquette in these circumstances. You should each let one car out in turn.

No she wasn't! You don't just force your way out into a main road! Etiquette would be that the car in front let ONE car out but they didn't. They let loads out so OP understandably had waited her turn already!

Ridiculous

MajorCarolDanvers · 06/11/2022 15:31

@Windywuss

People must have better manners in my part of the UK

DappledThings · 06/11/2022 15:31

No she wasn't! You don't just force your way out into a main road! Etiquette would be that the car in front let ONE car out but they didn't. They let loads out so OP understandably had waited her turn already!
Absolutely. OP may have overreacted a bit but it was the other driver who was driving aggressively and illegally. Thus thread is bonkers.

Blossomtoes · 06/11/2022 15:35

Boomboom22 · 06/11/2022 15:21

This thread is mad, how is it OK for him to just drive into the main road? He can wait for a gap! Those who let people are actually breaking the highway code although they think they are right.

There was never going to be a gap in nose to tail traffic. In slow moving traffic it’s common sense to let people out.

Windywuss · 06/11/2022 15:37

MajorCarolDanvers · 06/11/2022 15:31

@Windywuss

People must have better manners in my part of the UK

It's not good manners to force your way out in front of a woman with a child in the car when it's your right if way, and laugh at her because you know you're a bullying man who can get away with it. It's not good manners to hold up all the traffic behind you so you can look like a saintly do gooder letting EVERYONE out either.

But yeah, if that's how you drive, glad you're not in my part of the world either. Wink

DappledThings · 06/11/2022 15:39

Blossomtoes · 06/11/2022 15:35

There was never going to be a gap in nose to tail traffic. In slow moving traffic it’s common sense to let people out.

Show quote history

It can be common sense to do so, and it can be the polite thing to do but it isn't a requirement. And some posters seem to think the OP's "crime" of being impatient and not giving an unrequited courtesy is worse than the man committing an actual crime and driving dangerously.

Weird.

Windywuss · 06/11/2022 15:39

*her right of way

DappledThings · 06/11/2022 15:40

unrequited meant to be say unrequired there. I corrected it once!

littleworld187 · 06/11/2022 15:42

In this situation I usually let one car in, I've done my good turn then

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