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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be embarrassed by my behaviour- road rage incident

219 replies

Newmum1998 · 06/11/2022 09:45

I am absolutely mortified this morning...

When I was driving home there was busy traffic on the main road and there were cars trying to join the main road from a side road. I was on the main road and the people in front of me were letting all the cars from the side road in in front of us so I was stuck still in traffic for ages behind them all . To make matters worse my child was screaming in back of car whole time as wasn’t happy the car wasn’t moving. I know obviously you need to let cars from the side road in but it was literally every car so it meant when the traffic did start to move a bit they were just letting another car in and so I wasn’t getting to move forward at all for ages.

anyway when I finally reached the point in the road where other cars from the side road were trying to join I decided I wasn’t going to let anyone in as I had been waiting for a long time as everyone in front of me had been letting them all in.
However there was a man with who I’m guessing was with his wife and teenage son in the car trying to join in front of me and he was having none of it.
there wasn’t much room between me and the car In front but this man just kept coming forward and forward and trying to get in front of my car and I could see he was laughing as he was doing it. He actually forced me to break as otherwise he was just going to go in into my car he got that close.
he managed to squeeze just a bit of the very front of his car in between mine and the car in front of me.
This is where I am really embarrassed I all of a sudden was so angry and I beeped my horn and stuck my finger up at him and shouted (I doubt he would have heard me shout as the windows were shut) but he then proceeded to sit in the car and him and his teenage son looked at me and laughed hysterically. They looked and laughed at me for a while it was ridiculous .
I was absolutely furious at a grown man who looked to be in his 50’s acting so childish.
when the traffic moved forward a bit in front of me he was then able to properly pull out and I beeped at him again as I was so wound up at this point because they had just been sitting laughing at me.

I’ve never done that before and now that I’ve calmed down I’m really embarrassed somebody that I know might have seen me. I also feel like such a bad mum as I had just had a great night with my son and I feel so bad ruining it because I got so angry at some idiot and shouted in front of him. I know I reacted badly to quite a minor incident, I’m under a lot of stress and pressure at the moment. I’ve been going through court with an abusive ex who used to abuse me and wind me up and then laugh at me reacting to his abuse and so this just kind of stuck a nerve with me.

Has anyone else just lost their temper and then totally regretted it afterwards?

OP posts:
BlackberryCat · 06/11/2022 10:03

I couldn’t really understand. I thought she meant that the tailback on the main road was longer so she had been waiting longer to get to the merge point than those on the side road.

BattenburgDonkey · 06/11/2022 10:04

Newmum1998 · 06/11/2022 09:58

You aren’t understanding what I’m saying though I had been waiting longer

People are understanding, but it was you being childish here with your OTT road rage. It’s embarrassing but all you can do is hope nobody saw and move on.

Schroedingersimmigrant · 06/11/2022 10:04

thats not a 'zipper merge' 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Well whatever one in, one goes, one in, one goes is called in uk🤷🏻

Runningintolife · 06/11/2022 10:06

Its ok, you've explained why old stuff from the past made you disproportionately angry in this situation - you felt like no one was understanding your needs, because your ex didn't, and you felt belittled and humiliated by a man when you tried to assert your own rights, like your ex used to do. Your threat system is firing up because of the old stuff - even though in reality you weren't especially being disadvantaged more than others in this situation (if most of the other drivers were letting several people out, that's a good indication that it was the generally accepted 'fair' thing to do). Threat makes us personalise stuff and 'fight'. Then after the adrenaline rush logic returns and we feel ashamed or stupid. Work on the old stuff. Hope you are ok now.

megosaurusrex · 06/11/2022 10:07

YABU but we've all been there. I once stuck my finger up at someone behind me who beeped at me at traffic lights. He then caught up with me at the next set of traffic lights and turned his siren on, it turned out to be an undercover police car Blush I was very apologetic and it all turned out fine, I still wanted to die of embarrassment the rest of the day though.
It's annoying being laughed at but at least they weren't being aggressive, could've been much worse!

justusandmoo · 06/11/2022 10:07

Honestly don't worry. It's horrible when people laugh at you like that as it's demoralising. They would have known that and that's why they did it. Adding the screaming child into the mix and it's all a bit of a nightmare!

I lost my cool once in a similar situation but the people I lost it with were the bin collectors 🤣. It's made me more mindful of just letting things go when I'm on the road as I really didn't like the embarrassed feeling I had for a while after.

Put it down to experience and move on.

Original poster
Newmum1998 · 06/11/2022 10:07

ajandjjmum · 06/11/2022 10:01

I think the OP is say (please correct me if I'm wrong) that rather than following the 'zip merger' where every car lets one car in front of them, the cars infront were letting everyone out of the side street, so it could have been 3-4 cars at a time. That would have peed me off too.

Don't worry OP - I've had this time of road rage before and lived to tell the tale!

Yes this is exactly what I mean

and I think my reaction was wrong but I don’t think I was wrong not to let one car in and I think he was wrong to force his way in

OP posts:
PixiePirate · 06/11/2022 10:09

Don’t be too hard on yourself, and anyway the bloke sounds like he gave just as good as he got. He wasn’t exactly modelling great behaviour to his son either.

I remember feeling really stressed when I was driving and had a child upset in the back of the car. I often think that if we all walked a mile in each other’s shoes we would be a lot more understanding and compassionate. Try to speak to yourself with the same kindness you would to a friend x

edme · 06/11/2022 10:10

Why should it be "one goes, one in"? It's the main road so the cars on the main road have priority. If the side roads are very busy, then there will usually be a traffic light to manage the traffic. If there is no traffic light, it's usually because the side road is less busy. Yes, if the main road is very busy, then it's polite and even the right thing to let cars from the side road out so that they are not stuck there forever, and that's what I usually do too. But it does not mean every car on the main road should let out one. That would just make no sense.

OoooohMatron · 06/11/2022 10:10

Meh. The guy was a dick, just forget about it, it's only the horn and the finger, it's not like you got out and battered him! Happens to the best of us.

edme · 06/11/2022 10:11

And also, laughing at others from their car is very rude, they were provoking OP.

PurplePixies · 06/11/2022 10:11

Don't beat yourself up OP.

Fact is, you had the right of way on the main road. He was the one committing road rage and driving dangerously by pushing in.

If you'd been a big burly bloke, we all know he'd have stopped trying to push in when you'd made it clear you weren't allowing him a safe gap. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Newmum1998 · 06/11/2022 10:15

PurplePixies · 06/11/2022 10:11

Don't beat yourself up OP.

Fact is, you had the right of way on the main road. He was the one committing road rage and driving dangerously by pushing in.

If you'd been a big burly bloke, we all know he'd have stopped trying to push in when you'd made it clear you weren't allowing him a safe gap. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes and this annoyed me as well as I knew if I had been some big burley bloke he and his son wouldn’t have sat looking at me and laughing as well

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 06/11/2022 10:16

Well, you were a bit of a dick, but the natural consequences for your dickishness were that another family laughed at you and left you feeling a bit embarrassed. No real harm done.

Hope your stress improves soon.

dudsville · 06/11/2022 10:16

We all make mistakes sometimes. Try to shrug it off. I once waited ages for a bus. I can't remember what the problem was but there were hundreds of us. When I finally got to the front of the queue (and there was a lot of jostling in the queue of unhappy people) and a bus pulled it up, the driver very reasonably only opened the back doors first to let passengers off. I was full of rage and did not realise why he wasn't opening the door and kind of banged my hand on the door and basically demanded entrance to the bus. I cringe over this so hard. No this is not in my nature, yes there was a context to it which i can barely remember now, but I was in the wrong, as you were in this instance. It serves as a reminder to me that I'm not above making mistakes and misunderstanding a situation and it's not behaviour I've made a habit of.

Fairislefandango · 06/11/2022 10:16

I can see it was annoying for you, and by all means be angry in your head, but shouting, beeping and gesticulating makes you look ridiculous, loses you any moral high ground you might have had and gains you nothing at all. I laughed my head off at an unbelievably furious, red-faced, gesticulating man revving and tailgating me the other day.

The point is not whether the other drivers were right or wrong in what they did - there will always be bad drivers on the road. You can't control that, you can only control your own reaction.

BlackberryCat · 06/11/2022 10:16

I don’t know…

I experienced a road rage incident with my kids in the car and we just laughed it off as I didn’t want to upset the kids. It’s a really scary thing to experience. The OP said the man had his son in the car. I don’t think he did anything wrong.

Nitgel · 06/11/2022 10:17

He forced his way into traffic from a side road.

Nottodaty · 06/11/2022 10:17

I feel for you! I’m the loveliest calmest person most of the time.

id remember an incident where two lanes of traffic one to go right, other to go straight on. I’d already been stuck in the traffic trying to get to the nursery pick up and now stuck in it on the way home. The straight on lane was the queue - the amount of people who would think it was ok to ignore the fact and drive down the right hand turn lane grhhh after being stuck for a good 20 mins finally about to go through the green light when a car tried to push in - to be honest I hadn’t think to look caused me to a slam on breaks and me shouting at him - him sticking his fingers up and being very aggressive- I asked my daughter to start recording as his attitude was scary!

Traffic , stress and people’s not give and take and his entitlement that even though it was your right of way (yes you could have been doing the take turns but the car in-front had been generous enough :) ) Forget it and move on .

Original poster
Newmum1998 · 06/11/2022 10:18

BlackberryCat · 06/11/2022 10:16

I don’t know…

I experienced a road rage incident with my kids in the car and we just laughed it off as I didn’t want to upset the kids. It’s a really scary thing to experience. The OP said the man had his son in the car. I don’t think he did anything wrong.

I get what you mean but he was looking at me and laughing hysterically
I beeped twice and stuck a finger up at him. I know it was wrong and an overreaction but he was a grown man and I was on my own and I look about 16 I hardly think he was threatened by me
i think he making taking the piss tbh

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 06/11/2022 10:19

Don't worry about it, small things can make people irrationally angry at times.

I've had a guy try and edge in before and I moved my car enough that he had to wait for what his 'official' turn. He was pissed off but I hate those that think queueing rules do not apply to them.

Another time I was the first car at the lights in the lane to go straight ahead and a car came up in the lane to turn right but was clearly planning on going straight on. I edged forwards but then he pushed the nose of his car right to the edge of the junction and pulled over a bit so I had to let him go. I could have tried to race him but that would have been very stupid and dangerous as he clearly was determined to be 'first'.

SkylightSkylight · 06/11/2022 10:19

BlackberryCat · 06/11/2022 10:03

I couldn’t really understand. I thought she meant that the tailback on the main road was longer so she had been waiting longer to get to the merge point than those on the side road.

Yeah she did

EleanorRavenclaw · 06/11/2022 10:21

You had right of way (letting someone in off a side road is not a zip merge no idea where people are getting this from), he was trying it on and being a dick and you lost your temper because you were already stressed. Forget about it, I’ve lost my temper before and it’s not worth the emotion and energy.

HarlanPepper · 06/11/2022 10:21

Everyone on this thread has behaved badly at some point, even the sanctimonious ones. As you have spelled out, you know it wasn't your finest moment, but it sounds a humiliating experience as it was, no need for any more public shaming! Try to put it behind you if you can - no harm was done.

AngelinaFibres · 06/11/2022 10:22

Newmum1998 · 06/11/2022 09:55

Was I just meant to sit on the main road all night as all the cars from the side road joined in front of me?

The usual etiquette is that each car lets in one car smoothly and seamlessly if the traffic is moving slow. If your traffic has completely stopped then traffic from the side road should be allowed room to join and to emerge and turn right. If your queue is stationary it makes no difference to you. You should have let one ( him) in. You say he behaved like a child. Well so did you.