To be embarrassed by my behaviour- road rage incident

[Newmum1998]

I am absolutely mortified this morning...

When I was driving home there was busy traffic on the main road and there were cars trying to join the main road from a side road. I was on the main road and the people in front of me were letting all the cars from the side road in in front of us so I was stuck still in traffic for ages behind them all . To make matters worse my child was screaming in back of car whole time as wasn’t happy the car wasn’t moving. I know obviously you need to let cars from the side road in but it was literally every car so it meant when the traffic did start to move a bit they were just letting another car in and so I wasn’t getting to move forward at all for ages.

anyway when I finally reached the point in the road where other cars from the side road were trying to join I decided I wasn’t going to let anyone in as I had been waiting for a long time as everyone in front of me had been letting them all in.
However there was a man with who I’m guessing was with his wife and teenage son in the car trying to join in front of me and he was having none of it.
there wasn’t much room between me and the car In front but this man just kept coming forward and forward and trying to get in front of my car and I could see he was laughing as he was doing it. He actually forced me to break as otherwise he was just going to go in into my car he got that close.
he managed to squeeze just a bit of the very front of his car in between mine and the car in front of me.
This is where I am really embarrassed I all of a sudden was so angry and I beeped my horn and stuck my finger up at him and shouted (I doubt he would have heard me shout as the windows were shut) but he then proceeded to sit in the car and him and his teenage son looked at me and laughed hysterically. They looked and laughed at me for a while it was ridiculous .
I was absolutely furious at a grown man who looked to be in his 50’s acting so childish.
when the traffic moved forward a bit in front of me he was then able to properly pull out and I beeped at him again as I was so wound up at this point because they had just been sitting laughing at me.

I’ve never done that before and now that I’ve calmed down I’m really embarrassed somebody that I know might have seen me. I also feel like such a bad mum as I had just had a great night with my son and I feel so bad ruining it because I got so angry at some idiot and shouted in front of him. I know I reacted badly to quite a minor incident, I’m under a lot of stress and pressure at the moment. I’ve been going through court with an abusive ex who used to abuse me and wind me up and then laugh at me reacting to his abuse and so this just kind of stuck a nerve with me.

Has anyone else just lost their temper and then totally regretted it afterwards?

@BattenburgDonkey it’s fine, it wasn’t you. Some women are determined to live by this narrative that by being born women we are automatically victims to the nasty big men. It’s tedious.

Not a big deal, don't beat yourself up about it. And he was in the wrong. It is your right of way and if somebody chooses to allow a car from a side street to join in front of them then that's nice and generous but they're doing them a favour. They don't have to do it. It would have pissed me off too. I very rarely beep at people because I don't always think about it in the moment and sometimes need to react quickly and don't want to take my hands off the wheel, but I have done it and I have sworn at people. I mostly keep calm but the odd one winds me up. I think most people are the same.

I had a much, much worse one than that if it makes you feel any better. Just one of those days where everything is going wrong. I'd had to leave work during my lunch break to sort something at my child's school and was worried I would be late. A part of the journey takes you up a one way street with only one lane. There was a lorry two vehicles ahead of us which decided to just stop in the road, completely blocking it. The passenger got out and went into a shop, so I thought that maybe the driver was just dropping him off and would carry on. Traffic was building up behind me. The lady in the car in front gave a little pip on her horn, I think to let the lorry know that we were there because it wasn't obvious that they could see us. At that point the driver got out, stuck his finger up at her, told her to fuck off and sauntered off to the shop too. I completely lost my temper. I wound my window down and gave him an absolute, screaming mouthful. Every time I stopped shouting I leaned on the horn. It was attracting attention from passersby and local workmen so I think it shamed the driver into moving. The driver gave me am mouthful back but did get in his lorry and drive on. It was an overreaction... But the complete disregard for everyone else and the sheer nerve of swearing at the woman in front of me for giving a little reminder that she was behind them just enraged me. I definitely don't usually lose my temper like that but I haven't lost any sleep over it! The embarrassment afterwards has motivated me not to do it again though.

"I was absolutely furious at a grown man who looked to be in his 50’s acting so childish."

And you were acting like a mature adult, beeping, giving him the middle finger, and shouting? You don't know what he was laughing at the first time, but he was definitely laughing at your childish tantrum afterwards.

Yes he was a dick, but so were you. Chalk it up to a bad moment and move on.

yes, of course she should have smiled at the man laughing at her & pushing in. Bloody woman she just meekly defer.

He only laughed at her after she had shouted, beeped and stuck her middle finger up at him. I would have laughed at that too, and I'm not a man. I also would have let him in (not because he was a man, and not because I'm 'meek').

YA a bit U.

The driver in front of you who let several cars join was a PITA for sure.

But you should have let the car from the small road join in front. However shit happens, take it easy, look after yourself, get some decent sleep and food and do not engage in road rage. People all over are such crappy incompetent drivers nowadays it really sucks but you need to stay calm and be safe in the car for your won and others' sake.

Don't dwell on it though, move on and drive safe.

"How busy is a main road in a small village?"

On bonfire night? Extremely busy probably.

Don't sweat it OP. He sounds a wanker anyway

My mistake- I see he was laughing before. Still - there was no reason to overreact.

@primeoflife

You don't drive?

No, the main road has right of way, cars in side roads have to wait for a clear space. I give way almost all the time if it's safe to do so. But wouldn't to some dick head behaving like that.

its also fine not to give way when the main road us backed up but the side road car has just arrived at the junction.

The subtle art of filtering does appear to be lost these days but get the frustration at everyone been let in. I did this once, let someone in front me in a very busy car park at New Years Eve and the (older) manny in the big range rover behind me went nuts.

@SkylightSkylight lol yes I do but at really busy junctions around here people are nice and thoughtful and allow people into the stream. Same at some big roundabouts here. Maybe we're just nicer where I live 🤣

what would you do differently next time?

@SkylightSkylight should add only when traffic is crawling, you wouldn't stop!!

I'm sure you never overreact about anything.

I think it's better they laughed at you instead of getting mad like you did.

Were there 'keep clear' signs to allow for the side road to merge. If so ybvu.

Yeah but eho knows ehat at.
I mean imagine the audacity a man and his teenage son have a laugh in a car on a way to/from bonfire night event.
Shame on them

@bigblueyonder glad you think the same. Just eases everything for everyone. People should think if I just ease up here then it would help with the flow of traffic.

I got rear shunted as an inconsiderate man blocked my right turn. Now it wasn't really his fault but the man that drove into the back of me but if he had just stopped a car's length back then I'd have turned it and wouldn't have happened 🤷🏼‍♀️

@BlackberryCat

it is not 'zip merging' turning onto a main road from a side road.

Oh this has definitely happened before to me, where I've got angry and then regretted, and embarassed when driving! YANBU. I sympathise with the child crying in the back.. it just makes you all the more irritable.

This. OP I totally get what you're saying. Side roads don't have right of way, and had he hit your car he would have been in the wrong. (Not saying you shouldn't have avoided a hit, though).

I'm sure you never overreact about anything.

By shouting and making rude gestures? No, I don't actually.

I was in a village driving along the high street and he was trying to join from a side street
There were no traffic lights as the place isn’t usually busy it’s just cause it was bonfire night so it was mobbed

No, you were meant to let ONE car in, then the person behind you lets the next one ... hence PP mentioning zipper merge.

I was absolutely furious at a grown man who looked to be in his 50’s acting so childish.
Says the woman who shouted imprecations, beeped her horn & stuck her fingers up at said man ... 😂

OP - you are overthinking this.
So you lost your cool a little.
It's not even road rage, it's an unfortunate few minutes in your life.
Put it behind you.

Also ... when you are upset & beating yourself up, don't post on AIBU with a self-berating thread title. PP are going to seize on it & entertain themselves by giving you a hard time - which you've already given yourself, So don't pay too much attention to anyone who pops in to enjoy giving you a good scolding.

Okay this is the last post I’m going to make on here..

I don’t know what on earth a zipper merge is but I was driving along a high street and he was trying to join from a side street
I give people way all the time but the cars In front of me had been letting way more than one car in at a time and I had been sitting still in traffic for ages while everyone on the side street was getting out in front of me
I was on a main road and had right of way
I decided because the queue behind me was massive and we had been sitting still for ages I wasn’t going to let anyone in while I passed the side street
The other driver pushed his way out in front of me which was wrong on his part. I don’t think he was planning on stopping and believe he was going to hit my car if I did not stop and let him out. I don’t see how he did nothing wrong at all like other posters are saying. Like I said I was the one with right away and it was clear I did not leave him a space to join but he thought he was push his way in-front of me anyway.

I know I reacted terribly and I am embarrassed by it, I know I was also in the wrong. He sat and laughed hysterically at me and that made me angrier. I wish I had just looked away and not given him a second thought and not reacted by beeping my horn again. I know I didn’t react well, which is why I’m so embarrassed.

However I am surprised how many people on here think the other driver did absolutely nothing wrong and the situation was entirely my fault. I think we both behaved badly even though I was worse because I went OTT

@Fairislefandango nope, he laughed at her before she reacted to him trying to push in front.