Sick to death of hearing about people's cancer

[MiserableCow2022]

I've name changed for this one because I'm pretty sure I'm going to get massive abuse for it but I'm a regular poster.
What the title says, I am sick to death of everybody and their brothers cancer or other appalling disease being postered up in every magazine and newspaper all of the time with week by week progress of their dying. This morning headline news was another "celeb" and her cancer.
I feel sorry for her, I'm not a monster but that's for her and her family to deal with it isn't headline news.
I've had a terrible sad life with lots of abuse and illness and I've lost no less than 9 lovely people who were very close to me over the last three years so I've had loads of grief too on top of my own health problems which I choose not to broadcast to the nation or go on about on mumsnet or facebook.
Isn't life just shit enough for everyone now without reading about people's terminal illnesses every single day - it's enough to make you want to just end it all.
I don't find people like bowelbabe inspiring, she is gone and her children are motherless and we all had to watch her dying and shrinking bit by bit, nor do I find Sarah Beany's bald head refreshing or inspiring.
I just wish they could just keep it it to themselves and their families.
Everytime I look at the papers I think it's going to be me next.
When I grew up people with a terminal illness just got on with it and retreated into the bosom of their families to die and I wish they would do that now. That is certainly what I am going to do.
People will be informed of my terminal decline only after I've gone. I have no intention of rubbing their noses in it everyday.
I want to die with dignity away from the public gaze and not drag anyone else down with me.
I think part of the reason people do the public thing is because they are terrified of dying and can't accept it and going public distracts them.
AIBU?

Very well articulated, OP.

In some ways i do agree with you, it always seems the case that when ever a celebrity is ill they do multiple interviews about it often under the banner of 'raising awareness' what ever that means...
But honestly its not something that bothers me its probably quite therapeutic for some people to talk about their illnesses. I remember when Chadwick Boseman died thinking how sad it was and how sad that he'd kept it secret, but that was obviously his wish.
Everyone handles it differently e.g.. I've had a miscarriage and no one knows in real life only talked about it on mm.

YANBU to want to do it differently yourself.
You're also NU to not want to see it /read it.

However, you can't dictate how others deal with their illnesses or grief. If they choose to publicise it on whatever platform,for whatever reason that is their right and choice. You can choose not to read it.

Other people might be inspired by it, might find comfort ,solace,hope or support in it.

I think for some in the public eye, it's owing the narrative.

Also how horrific if you were keeping something like cancer private and a journalist managed to get a photo/story and ran it without your agreement.

I feel this way about certain people on Instagram who, I think, use their disabled children to get attention. It’s not something I would ever voice IRL as I would be worried about how it sounds but I absolutely don’t think it’s right/good for the children and the tone of the posts are very transparent.

I completely understand. Death touches my life constantly (work related) and I completely switch off as soon as I finish. Can’t take or process any more grief.
Well written OP.

YANBU

I'm a year down the line from diagnosis with BC. I am doing my best to rebuild my confidence and get on with my life and raise my ds, and I don't want to hear the details of people dying.

This is quite hard enough work as it is. I'm doing my best, being cheerful & positive, hopefully I'm clear but if I'm not I promise I won't be sharing the gory details. It will be private.

I totally get it, then again I agree about Chadwick Boseman. There are no easy answers I guess. It is hard having had a lot of sadness to then be surrounded by other peoples sadness too.

I don’t agree. But also do.

tbh, I think in some cases Ill health and tragedy are used by a lot of celebrities to keep them relevant. Which I find distasteful.

I did admire the bowel abe stuff, but also felt a bit uncomfortable with it.

I remember an advert for a cancer charity with a young boy looking in a mirror with his mother stood behind him, smiling and then She disappeared. The point was to show how sad it is when kids lose their parents to cancer, please donate so we can stop it. My auntie had just died and she had a 12 year old son. The advert devastated my cousin every time it was on. I hated it with a passion. Couldn’t watch TV without preparing for adverts to switch over, just incase. It made me angry in those first stages of grief.

So I do get it. But don’t think people should be obliged to hide away. It’s all just shit.

Is it not also to allow them to have some control over what is out in the public eye? I've Sarah Beany would rather decide when the world gets to see her head rather than someone else.

I think a lot of them are doing it to get money for their families for after they've gone, which I understand. But yes, I cannot be doing with it either.

Well written OP. Articles and adverts are very triggering for so many people.

I also felt very uncomfortable with the BowelBabe thing - there’s a lot of cancer in my family, we don’t get better from it, and we just get on with things until we die. But we’re not in the public eye, and I can understand a need to want to control how your image/profile is seen by the public on your terms, rather than being papped when you look and feel like shit, as @Geepee71 posted upthread.

You do realize that bowelbabe no doubt saved lives with her efforts to get people talking about poo and other bowel issues. You honestly want people like her to stop talking publicly about cancer? Especially when she is doing amazing work like that in the process?

If you don't like hearing it then that is fine. I get it. When you are already feeling low, depressing topics make it worse. But I don't think the solution is to stop mentioning it. I think you maybe need to stop reading these stories or keep off news sites all together if you are finding it difficult.

I agree. Someone close to me has recently been diagnosed with cancer and their first thought was of the celebrity who had a very public battle with the same cancer and sadly died. They assumed that they would have the same journey. Thankfully, their out one is different, but they assumed the worst because of the daily updates on the celebrity.
I had the greatest admiration for David Bowie, Terry Wogan, Victoria Wood and a few others who kept their final illnesses to themselves and their families.

I get where you are coming from, I have cancer and I hate hearing about cancer constantly on tv. I want to think of other things. However, cancer charities do well from this sort of thing raising awareness etc.

I tend to agree.

I find it grossly disrespectful to the vast majority of people with a terminal diagnosis who are distressed and traumatised by it rather than "positive and inspirational".

It's not normal to paint on an upbeat smile about dying and I think the media narrative that the only dying people of value are the fake happy ones is obscene.

I spent one of the COVID lockdowns in hospital on a ward with a woman forced to die alone because of the restrictions - she was no less brave or deserving of compassion for having been unspeakably distressed by the situation. She was loved and her life mattered too.

I do get it OP and I have stage 4 cancer myself. For every Deborah James there is someone like me just quietly getting on with it. I don’t use social media & don’t fundraise for cancer charities. I prefer to switch off from it all! I do appreciate that everyone is different though.

I saw a strange one on our work intranet the other week. A colleague in her early 30s who joined a few months posted a selfie and a long message that opened with "I think it's really important that we tackle the stigma around cancer. 15 years ago I was diagnosed with lymphoma". WHAT STIGMA? just post your selfie and announce that you want everyone to know you had cancer before.

How exactly are people supposed to avoid traumatic stories that are plastered all over the front pages of news outlets? Withdraw from society?

Not just people with cancer but those living with trauma either from surviving it or losing a loved one to it?

Significant numbers of people are living with trauma caused by cancer, they are not fucking collateral damage for bullshit "awareness raising". Those news stories are there to satisfy voyeurism not charitable.

I’m not sure really.

If the increased awareness means more money for research and cancer charities then that’s a good thing.

Yanbu to make different choices yourself, obviously, but you don’t get to control other I’ll people’s decisions. Also, shouldn’t you change your media sources if you’re finding celebrity cancer stories distressing? I never come across these stories — I read the Guardian and the Irish Times daily, don’t use FB, watch BBC/RTE/Channel4/ Al Jazeera news — and I’d never heard of bowelbabe. I assume they’re avoidable because I’m clearly avoiding them.

ILL people.