Sick to death of hearing about people's cancer

[MiserableCow2022]

I've name changed for this one because I'm pretty sure I'm going to get massive abuse for it but I'm a regular poster.
What the title says, I am sick to death of everybody and their brothers cancer or other appalling disease being postered up in every magazine and newspaper all of the time with week by week progress of their dying. This morning headline news was another "celeb" and her cancer.
I feel sorry for her, I'm not a monster but that's for her and her family to deal with it isn't headline news.
I've had a terrible sad life with lots of abuse and illness and I've lost no less than 9 lovely people who were very close to me over the last three years so I've had loads of grief too on top of my own health problems which I choose not to broadcast to the nation or go on about on mumsnet or facebook.
Isn't life just shit enough for everyone now without reading about people's terminal illnesses every single day - it's enough to make you want to just end it all.
I don't find people like bowelbabe inspiring, she is gone and her children are motherless and we all had to watch her dying and shrinking bit by bit, nor do I find Sarah Beany's bald head refreshing or inspiring.
I just wish they could just keep it it to themselves and their families.
Everytime I look at the papers I think it's going to be me next.
When I grew up people with a terminal illness just got on with it and retreated into the bosom of their families to die and I wish they would do that now. That is certainly what I am going to do.
People will be informed of my terminal decline only after I've gone. I have no intention of rubbing their noses in it everyday.
I want to die with dignity away from the public gaze and not drag anyone else down with me.
I think part of the reason people do the public thing is because they are terrified of dying and can't accept it and going public distracts them.
AIBU?

You sound very bitter about your own journey but that doesn't take the pain away form other people and their want to share their pain. If you don't want to read/see/hear or listen, then just walk away or turn off.

Of all the people I know, I never hear bad stuff because I offer condolences and walk away. I don't watch the news, read newspapers, dwell on stuff like this. Maybe you should just remove yourself form the situation when you find yourself in it. You have a voice, if someone starts to tell you, smile sweetly, say 'sorry to hear that' and change the subject. Your broken leg doesn't make someones sore toe insignificant.

I get it OP.

Apart from raising awareness and promoting ‘check your boobs/poo…’, I feel very uncomfortable with ‘celeb cancer’.

I feel that so many people are just mawkish and almost revel in photos of a celeb looking increasingly frail.

There’s a reason someone in the public eye that announces cancer suddenly gets masses of followers - and I’m not sure it’s empathy or sympathy.

I have mixed views , I think it raises awareness but it's also giving me health anxiety where every twinge or pain I feel is cancer , especially as I'm in sniper alley age range .

Maybe you are right. I don't know really. I didn't know that Sarah Beeny had cancer so I must be avoiding most of these reports somehow....

I agree with some of the posters talking about people whose dignity was robbed. Perhaps I need to go away and think about this more.

I understand. Both my parents died of cancer, my mum's illness and death was particularly hard. For so long it felt like every time I had the radio on, on TV, or opened my phone everything was just about cancer: the symptoms, fund raising, an inspiring story, raising awareness. Then even my dog got cancer. I just wanted to scream, I just don't want to hear about it all. Of. The. Time.

I often feel quite sorry for celebrities or high profile people who may feel pressure to be open about health problems and no doubt the media capitalise on it which is icky in itself. And it does make it difficult for people who are maybe trying to manage their mental wellbeing or who are trying to deal with an upsetting loss/diagnosis themselves - it can feel claustrophobic. However I also think it's how people deal with it sometimes- they want to feel like they're not alone or they're creating a platform where others can seek support and comfort. So it's each to their own really. I don't think there's a right or wrong here?

You've been blunt Op and I respect that, so let me be honest in return. At the moment we all have our share of troubles and grief, will we be able to manage moneywise, will we keep our homes and our jobs, all the shit that came with Covid and the eternal sadness that comes from one bereavement after another- it's too much, a big shitpile that gets no more manageable.
You can't cope with celebrities talking about their woes because you have your own woes and you'd just like a day when everything is happy and nobody adds to the sadness.
Stop watching the news, just for a few days, and get a second wind. There's no shame in saying enough

Bowelbabe and Jade Goody have left a legacy, people going for smear tests increased massively when Jade Goody went public with her cancer. Same for Deborah, bowel cancer is more of a taboo than other cancers and people are talking about it more and most importantly are checking symptoms. Raising the profile of cancer is a selfless thing to do when you’re dying of that cancer so for you it’s already too late. But not too late for your daughters, or other family. Death is a subject many want to avoid but it’s going to happen to us all, I’d rather people raised the profile of cancers and move towards better fundraising and maybe one day a cure, than for it to be buried deep again never to be spoken of. We had a talk at walk from a very high profile public servant recently who spoke about her breast cancer journey and it was really well received. Many said they’d never told a soul about their own diagnosis but for others their way of coping is sharing their story. It’s just life, and people are entitled to tell their story should they wish

I see your point. A friend who lost her toddler to glioblastoma and shared a lot of his/the family’s experience on Facebook (to raise funds and awareness) said once that no one, no parent, no one knows what to do, so they just ‘do’. It’s hard. Social Media is so public. Reach enough people and there will always be those who disagree (sometimes vehemently) with what you are doing.

Glad we aren’t the only ones so deeply impacted. I think (it was a long time ago) my uncle also complained.

I did notice that they used the other parts of that advert for quite a while. But that part was removed.

But it was the ultimate in emotional manipulation, without thinking of the people who went through it.

I am so sorry, it was upsetting for your family too.

I am going to hide this thread after I've posted but I hear you OP and I'm a former cancer patient . I find it very triggering and I switch the tv over or avoid stand up to cancer things. I am happy to donate and fundraise, which I have done but I am trying to put my experience behind me. It's the same when I open any news app there is another horror story and I find it unbearable. I do however accept that people will maybe recognise symptoms and seek help, and that must always be the case. I just don't want to see it 🙁

Surely those campaigns are not directed towards you though, and that is the entire point and why YABU. They are directed to inspire and support others going through cancer so they dont feel self conscious about the effects of chemo etc. Why should people with cancer retreat into their families so they cant be seen?- just because you would do that doesnt mean everyone else should. You dont get to dictate how the rest of the world deals with life threatening illness.

I wont flame you but I strongly disagree with your stance and of all the injustices in the world that you could have picked to express strong feelings about or champion, I find this one particularly mean spirited, unkind and frankly, bizarre.

Situation same here

I do agree with your overall post OP. However:

“I've had a terrible sad life with lots of abuse and illness and I've lost no less than 9 lovely people who were very close to me over the last three years so I've had loads of grief too on top of my own health problems which I choose not to broadcast to the nation or go on about on mumsnet or facebook.”

the irony of this paragraph hasn’t escaped me.

I've just lost a close friend to cancer. She wasn't inspirational. She was terrified, in pain and unable to breathe. I was pleased that her death in the end was peaceful. Deborah James did some wonderful fund raising and awareness but the name 'bowel babe' turned my stomach.

I understand that this triggers you OP but you have no right to say how people should deal with a cancer diagnosis. Don’t read / watch !

I agree with you, I don’t think it helps mental health of many to hear so much. It’s hard enough to deal with the ones we are close to, never mind the cumulative stories via media

Don't read it then

Whilst I think it is up to the individual I try and avoid watching, reading or hearing about anyone who wants to tell the world
I’m a very private person and don’t share my health issues with many people in fact I hate it when people ask intrusive questions
I never know how to answer when people ask and I can’t pretend I’m ok because I might be absent from work or a social event because I’m in hospital or recovering from surgery/some other treatment

Thing is, for some of us here (I think and apologies if I’m speaking out of turn), we just can’t get away from it.

I run a shop so I’m public facing. I have customers who knew my DP through his work, they’re being lovely and supportive but sometimes when it’s the first time they’ve been in, I have to fill them in on the details because they somehow missed it.

I’ve got a script now so I can do it without wailing, but inevitably I get their life story, their cancer and their bereavements in the face too and I end up feeling really bad for them and comforting them….. and then when they’ve gone I chain smoke and swig neat vodka- not healthy, not helpful, but by God it takes the edge off the continual nihilism….

Well life choices- perhaps you need to step away from the internet/social media. Use the scroll button. You aren’t strapped in a chair being forced to read/click bait stories about illness. It’s entirely on you.

I don’t mean that unkindly.

Also, it's so bloody galling when it's just not your experience. Not everyone with cancer is 'brave, inspiring, fighting until the end'. Where are the stories of the angry, bitter people who just give up? The people who suffer, who don't get loving, palliative care? The family members losing their own health and sanity trying to care for them?

Hah! If only it were just confined to social media.

This!! Do not dictate to people with cancer how they should/ shouldn’t deal with it.

Get off social media and stop reading magazines or watching celeb TV crap if you don’t want to follow celebs!

And if friends/ colleagues/ acquaintances mention their diagnosis, try not to roll your eyes and feel sorry for yourself.

When I see sm posts I feel if I don't sent a caring heart, I'll be viewed as heartless. I'm not but like you OP we all have our own problems to contend with and I don't plaster my struggles/disability etc out there for others to comment on etc.. I just get on with life whilst I'm still here.

I don't know the answer, either. Does seeing someone else with cancer help others deal with their cancer? Make them feel their nit on tgeir own or does it make them feel like shit cos everyone's focused on someone else's problem and they need attention and support?

One day we will have a cure, until that day I suspect famour and even half famous celebs with cancer will still remain worthy of being news :(