Page 14 | Sick to death of hearing about people's cancer

MiserableCow2022 · 2022-11-05T17:26:13+00:00

I've name changed for this one because I'm pretty sure I'm going to get massive abuse for it but I'm a regular poster. What the title says, I am sick to death of everybody and their brothers cancer or other appalling disease being postered up in every magazine and newspaper all of the time with week by week progress of their dying. This morning headline news was another "celeb" and her cancer. I feel sorry for her, I'm not a monster but that's for her and her family to deal with it isn't headline news. I've had a terrible sad life with lots of abuse and illness and I've lost no less than 9 lovely people who were very close to me over the last three years so I've had loads of grief too on top of my own health problems which I choose not to broadcast to the nation or go on about on mumsnet or facebook. Isn't life just shit enough for everyone now without reading about people's terminal illnesses every single day - it's enough to make you want to just end it all. I don't find people like bowelbabe inspiring, she is gone and her children are motherless and we all had to watch her dying and shrinking bit by bit, nor do I find Sarah Beany's bald head refreshing or inspiring. I just wish they could just keep it it to themselves and their families. Everytime I look at the papers I think it's going to be me next. When I grew up people with a terminal illness just got on with it and retreated into the bosom of their families to die and I wish they would do that now. That is certainly what I am going to do. People will be informed of my terminal decline only after I've gone. I have no intention of rubbing their noses in it everyday. I want to die with dignity away from the public gaze and not drag anyone else down with me. I think part of the reason people do the public thing is because they are terrified of dying and can't accept it and going public distracts them. AIBU?

misssunshine4040 · 15/11/2022 07:55

VivienneDelacroix · 15/11/2022 01:13

What I find hard to swallow with it is that it is always white, middle-class people that share their stories. They control the narrative around cancer (and other issues tbh) because they have the time, money, and connections to be able to do that. Lots of people battle through illness quietly in poverty, without media campaigns, and without getting knighted or damehoods - I find it quite jarring to be honest.

Very well said

FlorenceOrTheMachine · 21/11/2022 20:10

Since getting my diagnosis of a poor prognosis type of blood cancer some months ago, I'm surprised anyone with cancer talks about their condition (other than with close family). I mentioned to one or two friends that I had a cancer (without specifying the exact type, or seriousness) since which my entire network (which admittedly wasn't extensive) seem to be "ghosting" me. I'd quite like to be open and matter of fact about such things (they're a fact of life (and death) ffs) but they still seem to be a taboo. This thread seems to reflect this.

Benjispruce4 · 21/11/2022 20:13

Sorry to hear that @FlorenceOrTheMachine . People can be so cruel.

georgarina · 21/11/2022 20:52

FlorenceOrTheMachine · 21/11/2022 20:10

Since getting my diagnosis of a poor prognosis type of blood cancer some months ago, I'm surprised anyone with cancer talks about their condition (other than with close family). I mentioned to one or two friends that I had a cancer (without specifying the exact type, or seriousness) since which my entire network (which admittedly wasn't extensive) seem to be "ghosting" me. I'd quite like to be open and matter of fact about such things (they're a fact of life (and death) ffs) but they still seem to be a taboo. This thread seems to reflect this.

I'm so sorry Florence. Don't listen to this thread, it seems OP is bitter due to her own experiences so doesn't want anyone else to share or receive empathy. It is absolutely your right to be open about what you're going through. Hope you're ok xxx

FiscalDragQueen · 21/11/2022 20:55

On the one hand, I think that people like Bowelbabe encourage people to look out for the signs and go to the doctor, which could save lives.

On the other though, I hate those adverts that say "one out of two of us will get cancer in our lifetime". This has actually scared my children when they have seen this. Children have enough stress these days without having to sit there and worry about half their family getting cancer.

My mum died of cancer when I was a teen. It was awful. I know that I will have to deal with cancer in my family, or myself, at some point in the future. In the meantime, I'd like to go a day without being triggered.

MissyB1 · 21/11/2022 21:00

@FiscalDragQueen do you resent it when friends/aquiantances/colleagues mention having cancer? Or if they mention they are struggling with a loved one's diagnosis? TV adverts are one thing, but cancer is going to touch all our lives wether we would like to avoid the topic or not. Personally I think it's best to educate our kids about the progress being made in cancer treatment, about the importance of research, and not making the word something to be feared. or hidden from.

Friendofdennis · 21/11/2022 21:08

I agree with you. Not everyone has to be brave or inspiring

FlorenceOrTheMachine · 16/12/2022 20:05

user1497207191 · 07/11/2022 22:55

Olivia Newton John was inspirational in the way she handled it over 30 years. She didn’t wallow, she stayed positive and found ways of turning a negative into a positive, particularly by founding and raising tens of millions for her cancer research and wellness centre, which she was heavily involved with. We never got the “pity me” photos in the media - she kept out of the limelight during her treatments and until she was well again.

That's the thing though - she "kept it quiet over 30 years" - no intentions of dissing her in the slightest, but she didn't keep it quiet (why should she) - it was openly known about. But what I want to focus on is the "30 years bit". At the risk of playing an unseemly game of "cancer top trumps", it might be that a key difference here is those who have (horrible as they are) cancers with "good" prognosis, and those that don't. The latter, with a more immediate need to come to terms with their mortality probably have different needs to the former. In my case I tested the water by confiding to a few friends that I had a potentially serious blood cancer. They clearly felt uncomfortable with that, and have "ghosted" me. I don't necessarily blame them; I might feel the same if I was a healthy person in their shoes.

Since then, I've received results of genetic tests that suggest the course the disease I have might take. The phrase "poor prognosis mutation" isn't one you really want to hear in relation to a blood cancer. I don't have an extensive support network, and have burned through a fair proportion of my few friends with the initial communication of a cancer of any sort I can kind of imagine what the result will be if I break the news to the remaining ones that not only do I have a cancer, but the median survival time is 8 months (I'm well below the average diagnosis age so hope to beat that somewhat). So I'm left either (a) opening up and facing it alone as what few remaining friends abandon me, or (b) pretending to them it's not happening as long as I can. Whichever, it sucks.

user1497207191 · 16/12/2022 20:40

FlorenceOrTheMachine · 16/12/2022 20:05

That's the thing though - she "kept it quiet over 30 years" - no intentions of dissing her in the slightest, but she didn't keep it quiet (why should she) - it was openly known about. But what I want to focus on is the "30 years bit". At the risk of playing an unseemly game of "cancer top trumps", it might be that a key difference here is those who have (horrible as they are) cancers with "good" prognosis, and those that don't. The latter, with a more immediate need to come to terms with their mortality probably have different needs to the former. In my case I tested the water by confiding to a few friends that I had a potentially serious blood cancer. They clearly felt uncomfortable with that, and have "ghosted" me. I don't necessarily blame them; I might feel the same if I was a healthy person in their shoes.

Since then, I've received results of genetic tests that suggest the course the disease I have might take. The phrase "poor prognosis mutation" isn't one you really want to hear in relation to a blood cancer. I don't have an extensive support network, and have burned through a fair proportion of my few friends with the initial communication of a cancer of any sort I can kind of imagine what the result will be if I break the news to the remaining ones that not only do I have a cancer, but the median survival time is 8 months (I'm well below the average diagnosis age so hope to beat that somewhat). So I'm left either (a) opening up and facing it alone as what few remaining friends abandon me, or (b) pretending to them it's not happening as long as I can. Whichever, it sucks.

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I think you've misread my post. I never said she kept it quiet over 30 years!

CharlotteRose90 · 16/12/2022 21:09

If people don’t want to talk about it then that’s up to them. Cancer isn’t going away and needs to be spoken about. It isn’t a bed of roses. My mums had skin cancer twice and I’ve had a blood one . I also have a very high chance of Bowel cancer thanks to the condition i have. Bowel babe and others openly talking about it should be cherished, it’s normal life stuff. You can’t run from it. If it makes you uncomfortable then you need to look into why.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 16/12/2022 21:36

PauliesWalnuts · 05/11/2022 17:50

I also felt very uncomfortable with the BowelBabe thing - there’s a lot of cancer in my family, we don’t get better from it, and we just get on with things until we die. But we’re not in the public eye, and I can understand a need to want to control how your image/profile is seen by the public on your terms, rather than being papped when you look and feel like shit, as @Geepee71 posted upthread.

Bowel babe did a huge amount for awareness of ca bowel and also raised miliions for charity.

I'm sure lots of folk are alive today because of her