Sick to death of hearing about people's cancer

[MiserableCow2022]

I've name changed for this one because I'm pretty sure I'm going to get massive abuse for it but I'm a regular poster.
What the title says, I am sick to death of everybody and their brothers cancer or other appalling disease being postered up in every magazine and newspaper all of the time with week by week progress of their dying. This morning headline news was another "celeb" and her cancer.
I feel sorry for her, I'm not a monster but that's for her and her family to deal with it isn't headline news.
I've had a terrible sad life with lots of abuse and illness and I've lost no less than 9 lovely people who were very close to me over the last three years so I've had loads of grief too on top of my own health problems which I choose not to broadcast to the nation or go on about on mumsnet or facebook.
Isn't life just shit enough for everyone now without reading about people's terminal illnesses every single day - it's enough to make you want to just end it all.
I don't find people like bowelbabe inspiring, she is gone and her children are motherless and we all had to watch her dying and shrinking bit by bit, nor do I find Sarah Beany's bald head refreshing or inspiring.
I just wish they could just keep it it to themselves and their families.
Everytime I look at the papers I think it's going to be me next.
When I grew up people with a terminal illness just got on with it and retreated into the bosom of their families to die and I wish they would do that now. That is certainly what I am going to do.
People will be informed of my terminal decline only after I've gone. I have no intention of rubbing their noses in it everyday.
I want to die with dignity away from the public gaze and not drag anyone else down with me.
I think part of the reason people do the public thing is because they are terrified of dying and can't accept it and going public distracts them.
AIBU?

I'm feeling the same about people's children dying. God it sounds awful. But people are making so so many videos about their babies and children dying or being ill in hospital or stillborns. It's really affecting my mental health and I've been thinking about visiting the GP. It's making me so scared about losing DS. I find myself stuck in day dreams about it and crying. I worry about it all the time. People just have videos of happy healthy children playing and then they're dead. And honestly it feels like they're using their childs illness/death for money and fame. Who videos their child dying and puts it on the Internet? Obviously because I watch them Facebook shows me all of them. I can only avoid it by not using Facebook, where I keep up with family and friends.

Indeed! But I think it somewhat normalises terminal illness when a celebrity is open and public about it.
I don't think we can dictate how anyone handles this kind of diagnosis and I personally agree I don't like to read about it but it does help others

YABU

1 in 2 people will get cancer in their lifetime. That is a very scary statistic.

People need to check their bodies, their skin, their bowel movements. We need as much awareness out there as we can. People need reminding.

Yes its depressing. It’s awful to see. It’s awful to read about. But I would rather see it all over the news, TV and magazines if can save a few lives by raising awareness of certain symptoms and reminding people to check themselves and attend smears, prostate checks, eye tests etc.

I mean, when you’re terminally ill, you can decide how you want to proceed and if you want to disappear early.

Its incredibly upsetting but it also raises awareness so people get themselves bloody checked out.

I agree OP. The other thing I would say is there are a lot of other health conditions that can be just as devastating as cancer but get a fraction of funding. Not that I begrudge the funding but I’d like to see other things highlighted from time to time.

It’s like the news in general. Only check once a day if you’re not coping but it needs to be there. These people matter.

It sounds like you still need support from your past.

On first reading I thought you were being hugely unreasonable but actually, about 5 years ago my DD had a cancer scare and I suddenly became very aware of these stories - they were everywhere, and really upsetting, so yeah, I think I agree. And that was just a scare, I can't imagine it being constantly in my face whilst actually dealing with it for real. I hate the 'positive, inspirational' narrative - I imagine it's quite difficult to share raw, scary feelings when the public face of cancer is to fight with bravery and a smile.

On the other hand, people like 'bowelbabe' and Jade Goody undoubtedly saved lives by raising awareness so there is that.

TBH I hate the attention seeking element of facebook when people document things which I think should be kept private. I lost my Dad to cancer last Sunday and there is no way I would put it on facebook. I dont want the world and its wife to know how the last few months have been, just a few close friends. I can see that raising awareness is good though.

Just because you think people posting personal things on Facebook is “attention seeking” doesn’t mean it is for everybody.

Don’t like something on Facebook just scroll past you don’t have to read it or comment on it.

True

I don't think you're U for feeling the way you do @MiserableCow2022

But equally I think raising awareness and normalising embarassing or stigmatised diseases are no bad thing - bowel cancer being one.

I mentioned in an interview I had recently raised money for the Eve Appeal, I went on to explain this is for vulval cancer. Two people on the panel visibly recoiled/looked awkward about it, and the subject was quickly changed.

I couldn't stop thinking about how it would've been a totally different reaction if I'd said breast or testicular cancer, and how shite it would be to have vulval cancer and get that kind of reaction.

Being a celebrity means different things to different celebs. They aren't all the same. David Bowie's death came as a shock, same with Victoria Wood and many others. Just because you are well known doesn't mean you have to share everything. And it's the same with non-celebs. I personally don't feel we need any more "cancer awareness". We are all aware already.

In my opinion I prefer the way Helen McCrory handled it - quietly, privately, dignified. Those who knew were sworn to secrecy, with actors when something like cancer is public knowledge it seems that becomes what they are known for rather than their acting.

I didn’t want to post about my Mum or my DP.

However, I had to post about why our businesses were impacted by time off to sort shit out.

I hate attention.

I hate people telling me how well I’m doing, what an inspiration I am.

I’m a fucking mess, actually…..

But life goes on.

Not to be snarky, but would you know the signs & symptoms of vulval cancer?

Would you feel the same way talking about it to neighbours/collegues/friends about vulval cancer as you would about breast cancer?

I think we've broken a lot of stigma for some diseases, but not others.

When I was young cancer was whispered. It was the bogey man. Now it's out there in your face. I don't know which is worse.

Difficult for people with health anxiety and the like or depression to see some of the adverts and programmes about cancer.

I would not want people to feel they have to hide away from people if being open helps. Dunno what's the answer is but I do understand OP's position.

Victoria and Chadwick showed that it is possible to keep your privacy.

They were lucky. I know someone in the spotlight (footballer) who was spotted on a cancer ward going in for treatment, was called by The Sun the next day and told they were running a story.
He had no choice but to "go public". It's not always straightforward.

When I grew up people with a terminal illness just got on with it and retreated into the bosom of their families to die and I wish they would do that now. That is certainly what I am going to do.

The issue for me is choice.

People retreated, because terminal illness was not respectable to be acknowledged in public - and I’m pretty sure that for many terminally ill people, and those who cared for them, the hiding away made things worse than they had to be. My grandmother (who was a nurse) was scared to show my grandfather (who was a doctor) the growing lump in her breast. By the time she relented it was virtually breaking through her skin and it was too late to do anything - so she died at 63. Through fear and embarrassment.

So I for one am glad that people can acknowledge their diagnosis, and talk about what it’s like — IF they want to. Nobody should be obliged to talk about their personal situation if they don’t want to.

And it goes the other way too - you shouldn’t have to read about other peoples cancer stories if you don’t want to. But you have no right to ban them from telling them.

So change channel/turn the page/fast forward/click elsewhere.

I'm glad to see that some other posters were uncomfortable with the Bowel Babe thing. No doubt her death was very sad for her family & friends, but I couldn't understand why all the attention-seeking behaviour was so lauded. I guess we are all different, but I sincerely hope that when my time comes I will make a choice to just keep quiet about whatever illness I may have.

I thought I would hate your post, from the title, @MiserableCow2022 but totally agree, & would add in all the 'I can't afford to heat my home' stuff in the papers / online. That always smacks to me of wanting people to donate, crowdfund or whatever, while other folk just get ON with it..

You don't think that people who are terminally ill should be allowed to talk about it because you, a complete stranger, might get upset? And somehow people are actually agreeing with you?!

YABU. This is one of the most unbelievably unreasonably things I have ever read. I cannot believe a single person has agreed with you let alone the majority. I'm undergoing investigations for cancer right now and I am absolutely devastated that MAJORITY of people on this forum think I shouldn't talk about it publicly because they might get sad that cancer exists!! What the actual fuck?!

If you don't like it then don't do it yourself. Other people are entitled to try and make their own terminal illness slightly better to deal with without putting you, a complete and total (utterly self-absorbed) stranger as their highest priority. The whole world doesn't revolve around you OP.

Not to mention, talking about it actually raises awareness for people to get checked and money for research so more people are cured and/or live longer. So, it literally saves lives but you'd rather people die because it makes you sad otherwise? Absolutely insane!

When I had my first mc it was very comforting to read other people going public about their stories of similar situations. It's up to the individual whether or not they share, but it can make people feel less alone. Celebrities are accused of showing off their 'perfect lives,' but also criticised for sharing the difficult details. There's always going to be someone who's not happy.

I spend many pointless hours scrolling Facebook and reading websites and have never heard of bowel babe or Sarah Berny. I don't think it's everywhere. It's not something I would want to read about anyway so that's probably why the internet doesn't show me that stuff.
I find the idea of dying of cancer very scary and not remotely inspiring. Definitely prefer to think of happier things

This .
Julia Bradbury has been everywhere documenting her cancer journey and I wonder what her children will feel in a few years reading about her suffering . I'm a very private person though and cannot conceive of over sharing like that .

No, she's talking about on public platforms and in the news. People who are terminally ill can always talk about this with people who actually know and care about them. There is no need to seek sympathy from your IG or Twitter followers or the general public via the press. It is not usually about raising awareness. And it totally ignores the triggering and anxiety-raising effect which has been explained many times with such patience on this thread.