Sick to death of hearing about people's cancer

[MiserableCow2022]

I've name changed for this one because I'm pretty sure I'm going to get massive abuse for it but I'm a regular poster.
What the title says, I am sick to death of everybody and their brothers cancer or other appalling disease being postered up in every magazine and newspaper all of the time with week by week progress of their dying. This morning headline news was another "celeb" and her cancer.
I feel sorry for her, I'm not a monster but that's for her and her family to deal with it isn't headline news.
I've had a terrible sad life with lots of abuse and illness and I've lost no less than 9 lovely people who were very close to me over the last three years so I've had loads of grief too on top of my own health problems which I choose not to broadcast to the nation or go on about on mumsnet or facebook.
Isn't life just shit enough for everyone now without reading about people's terminal illnesses every single day - it's enough to make you want to just end it all.
I don't find people like bowelbabe inspiring, she is gone and her children are motherless and we all had to watch her dying and shrinking bit by bit, nor do I find Sarah Beany's bald head refreshing or inspiring.
I just wish they could just keep it it to themselves and their families.
Everytime I look at the papers I think it's going to be me next.
When I grew up people with a terminal illness just got on with it and retreated into the bosom of their families to die and I wish they would do that now. That is certainly what I am going to do.
People will be informed of my terminal decline only after I've gone. I have no intention of rubbing their noses in it everyday.
I want to die with dignity away from the public gaze and not drag anyone else down with me.
I think part of the reason people do the public thing is because they are terrified of dying and can't accept it and going public distracts them.
AIBU?

Yes, I don't think I'll or dying people should be silenced or hidden away but I know people with cancer or life-changing or limiting conditions who would like some mental space and respite from their situation. People want a bit of escape. In general, with the media relying on doom-and-panic clickbait articles and modern popular culture being either censorious, mawkish or consciousness-raising, I think we've forgotten the benefit of cheering people up. I'm not sure that being constantly hammered over the head with issues has been good for the population's mental health.

Never has the phrase 'You do you' been more apt.

I hear what you are saying. It is difficult, as one bit of me thinks that each individual needs to deal with it in their own way, and some will find comfort in sharing - others won't. And sometimes good comes from these stories as it stimulates donations for research and care. However when it comes to celebrities I do think that the media is often driving the agenda and it might not be entirely what the person wants.

My OH died of PD and people think that I am dying to hear about their relatives who have been diagnosed with the same - they are wrong!

I think you are both YABU and also YANBU

Probably what others have said but one, it helps to highlight symptoms. It helps to raise awareness of the lack of funding, the failures in our healthcare system. It helps people to feel less alone in their own shit, feel less alone in their dying or their grief at others dying.
Ive never felt more alone than during a period of traumatic grief, it didn’t personally help me seeing others talking about it - but it might help others. I am a bit like you that I keep my emotions and feelings private.
But i don’t see that others sharing is a bad thing.

However I do agree that everywhere you look there is cancer, terminal illness, death, grief. It is trotted out online (instagram mostly) almost to the point you absolutely cannot avoid it.
I made the mistake of reading a post about a child with terminal cancer and now my algorithm is just sending me post after post of the same stuff.
I was sobbing just the other day over a story of a young baby who died following a very rare genetic diagnosis.

Its too much for me sometimes and I imagine I’m not alone in feeling that.

But then I don’t expect them to keep their grief private.

it’s a difficult one.

Victoria Wood another one, who kept her illness to herself. There is a huge difference between telling close friends and family and getting their love and support and letting the world and his nosy dog in on your diagnosis and treatment. However I almost understand the feeling that if you are in the public eye your health issues could be outed so getting your story out first might be a tactic, but Victoria and Chadwick showed that it is possible to keep your privacy.

This, and what @Taradiddled and a couple of others said.

I haven't heard of the blog or story you are talking about. I know who Sarah Beeny is but knew nothing of her cancer. etc etc. So, if you don't want to read their stories, you clearly don't have to. Some people do though. You opt in if you want to, so YABU to complain as you don't have to.

In the case of Bowelbabe (I don’t know much about other public figures who’ve had cancer) I did find her inspiring because she worked so hard to raise awareness of bowel cancer, and she also raised a huge amount of money for cancer research. She was lucky to have a very privileged life, which meant she could afford treatments that sadly others can’t (this is all in the public domain), but she did acknowledge this, and for that, I find her inspiring. I recently bought the book she wrote just before she died, and it’s helped me a great deal (it’s about how to respond to challenges you face in life, essentially).

OP, your post was really well articulated and I kind of agree. However, I think it's fair enough if people want to share their experiences as I know some people find it helpful. Personally, I never got into Deborah James' cancer (I refuse to call her bowel babe). I don't want to see someone dying or read about it. I find it a bit weird and voyeuristic.

I agree, I do think that everyone should deal with their illnesses and tragedies in whatever way they have to but I do think accounts like Bowel babes attract a certain amount of ghouls and rubbernecking.

And all the accounts which have jumped on the singing and dancing in the hospital bandwagon. I always feel for the other patients who must just want some peace and quiet.

I think I half agree with you (and definitely see where you’re coming from).

I don’t want to see and hear about lots of peoples’ terminal illnesses. It’s upsetting, brings back awful memories of losing loved ones, and sets off my health anxiety. But equally people deal with things in different ways and I don’t think we can expect people not to share if they find it helpful in some way.

And as much as I hate seeing and hearing about it, raising awareness can help others seek help quicker. That’s got to be a good thing.

It’s tricky.

I agree with you OP. It's very much about 'me' culture attention seeking typical celebrity behaviour when most others just get on with it away from the spotlight. Others don't have such a platform or just don't think they're any more important than anyone else!

I can understand this. I feel this way about parents posting their sick children all over Insta.

In some ways I agree, but I also acknowledge that by sharing their illnesses some celebraties do an awful lot to reduce the stigma about them / encourage others to recognise warning signs and get themselves checked / raise enormous amounts of cash for research which will hopefully help others in the future.

I find it uncomfortable too, OP. It's almost as though it's being glamourised. Celebrities are just people, and I don't think that being in the public eye should mean pressure to be "inspiring" or "brave" in the face of serious illness. Having seen people close to me die from cancer, I can honestly say I didn't find the experience "inspiring" in the slightest. It was just really fucking sad.

I come from a family of the stiff upper lip variety, and so I do agree with you to a large degree.
But then I think of Jade Goody and all the lives she must have saved by making her cancer public. There is no doubt that more women had smear tests as a result.

I hear you @MiserableCow2022

I'm currently undergoing treatment for breast cancer and look such an utter state at the moment. I had a rant in the Co-op this afternoon while looking at Sarah Beeny's photo. She's got eyebrows and eyelashes in the picture. I lost all my hair months ago along with my dignity and, like most other ladies that I see at the chemo unit, resemble Uncle Fester. But there she is on the front page looking fab because she can afford it. I can't afford nice fake eyebrows or eyelashes. I can't even afford to get my 'new' shite hair styled not that you can do much with two centimetres of poor regrowth.
I looked at that picture and just felt so fucking shit. Well, yay for her doing a pretty picture to bolster her career. Do I find it inspirational? Do I fuck.

Apologies for my language. I was in a good mood until I saw that newspaper article. I bet she won't be publishing any pictures of herself chucking up in a bucket, her mouth ulcers or taking her third dose of Immodium.
I'm sure that some people will find it brave or inspirational but all these pictures and articles do is minimise the pain and misery suffered by the others going through the same thing.

I actively avoid mentions of cancer and most other serious illness and life-threatening health problems, because to be honest, it does no-one else any good to make myself miserable, and seeing daily reminders of disease and premature death is terrible for my sense of well-being. It's probably selfish of me... But again, it's not as though my being constantly worried and anxious will do anyone else any good. It's bee hard enough dealing with these things when they affect my own family. I'd just rather be happy for as long as possible, until the next person in my inner circle receives a frightening diagnosis.

I feel the same way about the pharma ads I see everywhere, these days. I don't want to be forced to think about horrible things constantly!

I totally agree with you OP. I am guilty of mentioning some health worries on MN. The replies were very kind. The difference is no one had to read that thread. It’s the constant bombardment from the main stream media that’s the issue. Every horrible illness is a news story now. There is no escape. Even watching a harmless bit of telly those bloody adverts are on. I totally agree with a PP about how angry they can make you when you have lost someone.They increase health anxiety and mental health problems in my opinion and from my own experience. As for those adverts telling you to visit a GP for various symptoms. Give me a break! I have lost a number of people whose symptoms were totally ignored by health professionals. You are more likely to get sent away and told to take a paracetamol than referred on.

Sometimes people need to talk about what's affecting them as a way of dealing with things. When people contract a potentially terminal illness then there is a period of adjustment which starts with anger then goes on to grief etc and people deal with it in different ways. I've supported friends who have lost family to cancer, as I have. I think that cancer touches everybody. It is being there afterwards for people that is important and that is when you see people running away and silence from the media.

Don't you apologise for anything. You're absolutely right.

The celeb I'll give a bit of credit to is the one showing how shit psoriasis (skin disease) can be. Jess Wright. Not really aware of her before.

YANBU

I don’t think there is really a need to ‘raise awareness’ of cancer - it is one of the most widely known and feared illnesses there are.

Where there is a genuine need to raise awareness of something there will normally be a public health campaign.

You can control the material you read or watch.
I can't remember the last time I read about a celebrity with cancer, not something I would want to ingest.

For the parents on Instagram who post about their very ill children, it maybe gives them some comfort as it must be hell being in that situation and perhaps it does help others, so I don't judge at all, but for adults maybe YANBU.

I was sick of hearing about miscarriage and menopause in newspapers and on TV so I switched off. I don't begrudge others talking about these things though...

I think people should be able to deal with things like serious illness how they want to. For Deborah James that was raising awareness and money, others start running marathons, others go public and share their lives to try and fundraise for treatments or support they can't access on the NHS.
Isn't the statistic now that 1 in 2 - so 50% - of people will get cancer.

It certainly feels like a less terrifying illness than it was 40 years ago when I was a child and it was all hidden away and talked of in hushed tones and had much less chance of survival. Fundraising has enabled research and development of treatments that offer much more hope now.
I'm sorry for those that are going through it and find it difficult to see things though - but I don't think this genie is going back in the bottle now.