Women who don't want kids

[DeadPumpkins]

Is it just me.. or do women who don't want children constantly go on about how much they don't want children?

Nothing against it at all, each to their own and I'm sure I've read that single, childless women are the happiest people which makes sense 😂 but why do they always feel the need to talk about how much they don't want kids??

I always love this absolute certainty that their child will be incredibly beneficial to future society and us

Ha ha yes. The truth is most of us aren't really that beneficial to society and I'm very happy to take a nice pill in Switzerland when I get to the stage when I need my arse wiped.

1 in 6 people suffer fertility challenges (people not women) according to the Fertility Network U.K. Does it not occur that some of the vocal women that you so disdain are trying to find ways to deal with the fact that they are and will remain childless? Putting on a loud show about being child free strikes me as a way for some (not all) put off distressing and upsetting questions.

My default position on discovering someone is child free is to move the conversation to other matters. They might be revelling in their child free status or they might be hanging on by their fingernails about being childless. It’s none of my business unless they choose to tell me.

They’re probably just sick of those people who had kids and became obsessed with and defined by them, asking them when they’re going to have kids.

I have 2 kids but up until a few years ago I was positive I didn't want them. And for years I never managed to get through a family get together without talking about not wanting them, why I didn't want them, no I didn't hate kids I was just pretty uninterested in them (that hasn't changed with the exception of my own) yes I am still a 'proper' woman, yes I do know what love is, no I don't feel guilty about depriving my parents of grandchildren. But that's because I could get through a family get together without other people bringing it up multiple times. It used to drive me batshit.

I don't think people DO go on about it tbh, because society treats us like some kind of freaks! I've no idea why I should have to justify my life choices to strangers, but it has happened often over the years, and it's f*ing annoying. It's also sexist, because my husband has never been asked why he doesn't have kids. So, please, respect childfree women just as we respect those who are parents.

I've never come across this.

I have however over the years had enough of pitied 'Ahhhhs' and 'sorry' and just blank uncomfortable silences when I answer the question in the negative to 'do you have children', so good for those women who are getting in on the defensive.

IME it's women who have children and are unable to understand why others don't share the same enthusiasm who go on and on about how wonderfully fulfilled they are. They don't understand that those who are childless through choice may be perfectly happy. They simply want different things out of life.

I think some people are just annoying. I worked with a woman years ago who would tell me how she didn’t want children and didn’t like children, when I was pregnant. This was without me mentioning pregnancy or kids, I hated being pregnant so did everything I could to keep off the subject with people. She did it to other women that were pregnant or anyone that had a photo of their child/grandchild on their desk. 🤷🏻‍♀️

A friend of ours doesn’t have kids, she never wanted them. We’ve had a couple of chats about it over the years but she doesn’t go on about it at all. She just gets on with her life. It’s not a big deal. There is life to be had without children.

I'm surprised at a PP saying they don't know any women without children. I believe the current stats are 40% of women graduates never have them?
Many of my friends and acquaintences don't have children either, possibly we gravitate towards each other.

Anyway unlike many I don't actually mind being asked, I'm from quite a blunt culture and will pretty much tell anyone anything if they ask the question, but I don't feel the need to bring it up. I mean, what's to say really?

Nope. Women who don't want / have kids are usually very interesting to talk to, have hobbies, depth and sight of the bigger issues in the world.

Women with kids, however...

Yep, see what I mean, reverse rudeness to mums is however acceptable 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think this phenomenon - as far as it exists - is probably just a manifestation of internet tribalism. Everyone needs to define themselves and have An Identity, and wang on about that all the time.

I'm sure the performatively childfree exist, as do performative parents.

Humans form tribes, that's all it is. In real life, people are far less strident about their tribes than online.

I'd rather people assume I don't have children because I don't want them (which is true). Having never tried to get pregnant, I have no idea whether I'm fertile or not, but it's completely irrelevant.

I don't like the idea that I must not have children because I can't - it takes away from the power of it being my choice and also attracts pity. I'm not sad I don't have children.

I think it's a bit of a anticipatory defence thing. I never wanted kids and if you say it to somebody asking when you're having kids you have to deal with questions or comments. I had one friend of my mum tell me that I was incredibly selfish as my mum had a right to be a grandparent 🙄. I did in fact end up having two but that's another story!

My DD doesn't want children. I totally respect that and support her in that decision and get really cross when people decide they have the right to an opinion on that.

Well that's fucking rude!

I know a fair few women without children, my sister included, none of them talk about not wanting or having dc. I have noticed them being harassed about when they'll have children by the "you'll change your mind' gang. My sister is 60, I think she might not! Lol

Crikey, what a nob!

I have found that the ‘why don’t you want kids’ question has now replaced the ‘why are you vegetarian’ question at the dinner table. Same dynamic though. I have to explain my deviant choices, agree I am missing out, and accept it’s probably a phase. All so everyone else can feel satisfied with their life choices again.

I certainly don't go on and on about it. We already feel like a less valued member of society for that reason alone.

So unless I'm asked, I'm keeping it to myself.

He works in the same workplace and we alternate days so it’s fair. This was my day. No he definitely expected me to be able to drop a feverish and vomiting toddler ‘with a mate’ for the day, it was laughable! He means well, but childfree people just don’t get it. There’s nothing else to compare it to. I don’t expect anyone to be grateful, I had kids for personal reasons. But equally I don’t want to hear how ‘I pay for your kids’ healthcare’.

Of course not. But equally I don’t believe anyone who really wants children doesn’t have them ‘for the environment’, they were probably never going to have them anyway.

He means well, but childfree people just don’t get it

I don't agree with this. I'm childfree and I do get it, and it helped cement my choice to remain so.

Sit and listen to women that do have kids talk about their lives. Think about how much time they talk about themselves and how much they talk about their kids...

Yes absolutely.

Of my two daughters, the one that has children is the one that will dominate any conversation and talk constantly about her children.

Frankly, with small exceptions, her children is the only topic of conversation she has. It's bloody boring frankly.

The amount of people who are so concerned about other people's reproductive choices (or lack of those choices) never ceases to amaze me.

The amount of times I've heard "why don't you have children, I think you would be such a good mum?".

Just once I would love to be rude enough to respond "why do you have children, I think you would be such a shit mum?"

Apparently the latter statement is exceedingly rude but the former is totally acceptable!!!

When will people realise that either way it's nobody else's business.

There may well be some people who do this, just as there are some people who never stop talking about how much richer their lives are having had children. But gross over generalisations like the one you’ve just made are frankly more annoying and offensive than both of them put together.