Women who don't want kids

[DeadPumpkins]

Is it just me.. or do women who don't want children constantly go on about how much they don't want children?

Nothing against it at all, each to their own and I'm sure I've read that single, childless women are the happiest people which makes sense 😂 but why do they always feel the need to talk about how much they don't want kids??

Erm, do they?

I don't want kids, but am only talking about it now because you've started a thread about it!
Noone in my entire world, including my mum, knows that me and DH don't want kids. They might think they know, but we've never actually said. And we've never been asked either (we've been together for 17 years).
Likewise, noone knows if we're infertile or currently trying for a baby.
I assume half of my workmates think "She's not got kids - I wonder what the story is there" and the other half think "Presumably she'll be off on maternity leave in the next year or two".

However, for those who DO talk about being childless/childfree, all I can equate it to is being gay (sorry, I don't mean to offend anyone with that). But imagine living a different lifestyle from everyone you know - even your own parents. It's huge. That's why people talk about it.

just be grateful other people are raising your future nurses/hairdressers

Those future fine upstanding citizens (as well as the ones who turn out to be less than upstanding) have benefited from the taxes me and a lot of others have paid all our working lives (since 1975 in my case). When do we get a bit of gratitude for that?

My manager (childfree) suggested ‘one of my friends’ take DD when she’s ill 🤯 aside from the fact asking anyone to take a puking, shitting, feverish toddler is a massive ask, they’re all at bloody work or looking after their own kids 😂 they’re not a chihuahua you can’t drop with basically anyone for a few hours.

This is an example of one person being a bit thick. It's not an example of all childless women being ignorant to the realities of parenting.

I don't really talk about not wanting children. In fact I don't think I've ever talked about it without being asked.

I like kids, just not full time. I'm happy as the fun auntie who buys them obnoxious noisy toys, loads them up on sugar and hands them back for bedtime.

Don't know any other childfree people who really go on about it either.

@DeadPumpkins

i don’t know a single person like what you describe Op

I've just noticed that more and more women will make a point of saying how happy they are without kids and it seems odd that you'd try and convince someone of that instead of just... being happy...

Perhaps they're pre-emptively shutting up the kid talk and the inevitable questions about why they don't have any of their own.

The women I know don't do this. At all.

If the ones around you do, it's likely to be in response to you constantly mentioning how a woman can only be fulfilled by children, saying you don't understand why everyone doesn't have children, asking women why they don't have children etc.

The common denominator is you.

I know a few women that don't want children, but they never really mention it unless we're talking about a directly related subject

I have to disagree based on my own experience. I have two good female friends who have decided not to have children and whilst I’m aware of their decision, it’s not something they ever mention.

I have never met any women like this. The ones I know that don’t want children just don’t talk about it.

just be grateful other people are raising your future nurses/hairdressers

But they're also raising our future burglars and scam artists too!

You can't claim credit for the good but not the bad.

@ThirtyThreeTrees

The amount of people who are so concerned about other people's reproductive choices (or lack of those choices) never ceases to amaze me.

Totally agree. It’s the height or rudeness and a complete invasion of people’s privacy.

I used to shut people down cold when they asked me this question just by saying “no”. And then inevitably you are told you are defensive or in denial.

This is why people are militant about it. They are tired of feeling that they have to explain their reproductive choices (or lack of choices).

Its incredibly rude to ask and if you do you should be prepared for disparaging remarks about children/parenting.

It’s really easy: just don’t bring it up unless you know someone really well. It’s none of your business.

This is not true at all. I know several women including myself that don’t see themselves having children in the future.
Women with children ask constantly about it. It is very rude.

I've not come across that but people do nosily ask them, "Would you like to have children?", so maybe some want to get in first. It's nobody else's business and women who don't want children usually have very good reasons (and some will change their minds).

I have one child a lot of my friends have none. Honestly do not recognise this behaviour among the women I know who don’t have kids. Sorry OP I think you must be doing/ saying something that invites this.

I don’t ever explain I don’t want them unless I’m asked. Primarily because when I do people bore on about how fulfilling it is and tell me I’ll change my mind etc.

I have a friend like this, I think it's insecurity about the decision and perhaps wanting to be talked out of it. I just ignore it, it's too heavy a subject for me to bite that fishing hook. "I don't know how you could do it, I could never have children." I just reply with "thanks Tina, how have you been?" or something like that. I'm quite happy to not talk about children because it's all anyone ever talks to me about. So you'd think a child free friend would be a welcome change in conversation. Nope.

Is it just me.. or do women who don't want children constantly go on about how much they don't want children?

No. In my experience it's women who wish they had children, but don't for various reasons, who tend to 'go on' too much - about how they dislike kids, could never give up their freedom, happy to borrow but send them back because I could just never...bla bla. The lady doth protest too much and all that.

I think it's fairly obvious when this is the case and it's sad so I smile and nod. No need to rub it in really.

Happily child free women just tend not to mention it ime...why would they? They're just getting on with life.

@WarrickDavisAsPlates not being goady at all, but I’m genuinely interested in why it is you feel respect for them?

I was happily child free for years. I never went on about my choices but I did get defensive when mothers told me there is no love like you have for a child. It’s so incredibly patronising and smug and despite having a baby now who is obviously my world, I have loads of child free friends whose husbands, partners, friends and dogs are their world, too. To tell them they will never know a love like I have for my child is so utterly prickish. Ugh. Don’t do this if you have children.

Because they want validation

The only time I have ever known a person that doesn't want kids to "go on about not having kids" is when they are pushed in to it by those that have kids.

This goes for me to!

Yes!!

There are some women who seem to speak about their wish to remain child-free with a peculiar vehemence, almost as though they think they're being very daring and this is an important and unique/intriguing part of their personality. Perhaps they're sensitive about the subject because they feel judged, or maybe they're convincing themselves because they have some lingering doubts.

Most of us who have no children don't feel the need to mention it any more than is strictly necessary.