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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Women who don't want kids

311 replies

DeadPumpkins · 05/11/2022 12:00

Is it just me.. or do women who don't want children constantly go on about how much they don't want children?

Nothing against it at all, each to their own and I'm sure I've read that single, childless women are the happiest people which makes sense 😂 but why do they always feel the need to talk about how much they don't want kids??

OP posts:
Applesandcarrots · 05/11/2022 21:17

I had no "white" man tell me anything about this tbh.

feelthebeatfromthetangerine · 05/11/2022 21:22

Applesandcarrots · 05/11/2022 21:17

I had no "white" man tell me anything about this tbh.

It's probably just reflective of the sort of companies where I've worked, where the people at the top were mostly white men.

I was initially quite pleased at being able to break into their boys' club enough to socialise with them, then disgusted at what they would say in a relaxed environment.

I've had far more judgey comments from men than women (MN excluded, but this site isn't reflective of real life).

pumpkinelvis · 05/11/2022 21:43

I've honestly never experienced this. Out of a group of 9 friends there are 4 who are child free (just all turning 40- none of them in relationships). It literally never comes up in conversation. I had one conversation about 5 years ago with one of my friends but that's it. Of the other women I know without children (about 2) , they have wanted children but it didn't happen for them.

I'm a mum of one (couldn't have any more). I can count on one hand how many times I've been asked if I'd have anymore and this was in the first couple of years of dc being born.

Spicypumpkins · 05/11/2022 23:32

I’ve only experienced this at work, twice with two women before I even had children of my own so definitely NOT in response to me talking about kids.

Spicypumpkins · 05/11/2022 23:34

Just to add both colleagues we’re ambitious and trying to be one of the lads imo to help advance their careers. I also found out later that one of them couldn’t have kids so I think she was just bitter and jealous of working mums who she perceived as having it all.

ElspethTascioni · 05/11/2022 23:39

The child-free women I know don’t talk about it at all…it doesn’t come up…

Purpleberet · 06/11/2022 00:01

I’ve not experienced this. To be honest though, I think I’d only know if someone was child free by choice if I was quite close to them. Imo it’s such a complex issue given the societal norms and pressures to have children, that I think child free by choice people won’t necessarily bring it up.

However I have several colleagues who constantly bang on about their children with no self awareness and don’t seem to have much else to talk about. Unless you’re a good friend I’m sorry I’m really not interested in hearing it all day long, and I wouldn’t expect anyone else to be interested if I was to do the same!

Georgeandzippyzoo · 06/11/2022 01:41

DeadPumpkins · 05/11/2022 12:05

No I get that if you don't want kids and people ask you about it all the time... that's fair enough and would be incredibly frustrating.

I mean the women who, will randomly say how much they don't want kids ALL THE TIME. Like ok, yeah we get it.

I have kids . My sister doesn't want them. She only talks about it when
A) she's asked when she's having them, never
B) when other people RRPEATEDLY go on about how wonderful their life iwith their kids,
She, and friends in a similar situation, would never being that up in conversation , it only as a response.

Georgeandzippyzoo · 06/11/2022 01:42

Purpleberet · 06/11/2022 00:01

I’ve not experienced this. To be honest though, I think I’d only know if someone was child free by choice if I was quite close to them. Imo it’s such a complex issue given the societal norms and pressures to have children, that I think child free by choice people won’t necessarily bring it up.

However I have several colleagues who constantly bang on about their children with no self awareness and don’t seem to have much else to talk about. Unless you’re a good friend I’m sorry I’m really not interested in hearing it all day long, and I wouldn’t expect anyone else to be interested if I was to do the same!

Exactly this!

dumbstruckdumptruck · 06/11/2022 07:18

Spicypumpkins · 05/11/2022 23:34

Just to add both colleagues we’re ambitious and trying to be one of the lads imo to help advance their careers. I also found out later that one of them couldn’t have kids so I think she was just bitter and jealous of working mums who she perceived as having it all.

My goodness they sound AWFUL. Poor you having to work with them and hear them talk about their life choices.

Did they also have hairy armpits under their ambitious manly bitter old biceps?!

LuckySantangelo35 · 06/11/2022 09:36

Spicypumpkins · 05/11/2022 23:34

Just to add both colleagues we’re ambitious and trying to be one of the lads imo to help advance their careers. I also found out later that one of them couldn’t have kids so I think she was just bitter and jealous of working mums who she perceived as having it all.

@Spicypumpkins

lol I bet she wasn’t bitter and jealous

DisplayPurposesOnly · 06/11/2022 09:46

I'm old enough now that people stopped asking me if I would like to have kids. There is a very real assumption that you will (this is the true path, if you like) and to deviate is to be unusual. If I had been in a relationship it's likely that I would have had (tried to have) children, just because. I think that general expectation is changing tho.

Now I'm in my mid fifties, I'm always delighted to have an opportunity to say how pleased I am that I don't have kids 😂

Meseekslookatme · 06/11/2022 10:02

I'm forty fucking three and still get "it's not too late for you!" Etc.
I mean no disrespect to older mums, but it's not for me, I drew the line at 40 and STILL get told I'm incapable of love.
I adore my nephews, I also adore my lay ins and child free holidays.

5128gap · 06/11/2022 10:04

Probably because any woman who makes this choice will find herself expected to explain it and they prefer to get in first.

LarryBlackmonsCodpiece · 06/11/2022 10:59

BigglyBee · 05/11/2022 12:02

I expect (if this is true) it's because they are tired of being asked about when they will be reproducing.

Yes this, used to get asked constantly by family, friends, people at work, people I’d only just met, like that’s all there is to life, I’m a woman so that’s all I’m good for, fuck off!

GG1986 · 06/11/2022 11:36

My friend talks about not having kids quite a bit, however she is mid 30s, owns a home with long term boyfriend and is constantly questioned on when they are having kids(which must be really annoying when you have made your mind up that you don't want them) it isn't a law that every woman must have a child, it is personal choice or a choice that is taken away from you.

Scianel · 06/11/2022 11:39

@GG1986 that is probably when I spoke about it most. I was early/mid thirties, recently married and then we bought a house in the suburbs so you can imagine the assumpions that followed.

RosetteNebula · 06/11/2022 11:44

I know a woman who doesn't want kids (smart choice) but she is a member of the fb group "I regret having kids" and constantly shares posts from it and seemingly revels in these struggling women's misery. It really pisses me off.

Bookmark

KimberleyClark · 06/11/2022 15:56

RosetteNebula · 06/11/2022 11:44

I know a woman who doesn't want kids (smart choice) but she is a member of the fb group "I regret having kids" and constantly shares posts from it and seemingly revels in these struggling women's misery. It really pisses me off.

Bookmark

That’s pretty shitty. OTOH I belong to an FB group for women who are not mothers for whatever reason. The name of the group makes it clear who it’s aimed at. However there is one member who has secondary infertility. I feel for her but she is a mother so not sure why she has joined. Or what she gets out of it.

Spicypumpkins · 07/11/2022 20:24

@dumbstruckdumptruck the point is these two women were total arseholes not because they didn’t want kids, but because they’d make derogatory remarks about women who did, try to get one over on the working mums in what was quite a toxic, masculine culture and commiserate women when they got pregnant.

I think they were sad and bitter and a little piece of them died inside whenever they saw a working mum get promoted.

TheOGCCL · 07/11/2022 20:44

I think the world will be a better place the day whether or not someone wants/has/ hasn’t got children is not the most fascinating thing about them.

RampantIvy · 07/11/2022 20:49

Absolutely @TheOGCCL

chevvyroo · 11/11/2022 10:50

This thread has been picked up by Mail Online.

theemptycradlewillrock · 22/11/2022 14:18

I dont. I hate conversing about it in real life.

chaosmaker · 18/02/2023 23:57

CocoLux · 05/11/2022 12:18

Funny that no one is ever asked why they want children. Say that you don't want them and you get a barrage of 'but who's going to look after you when you're old? But don't you want to pass on your genes? Don't you think it'll be fun? Oh you don't know what love is until you have kids!' Ad nauseum.

I'm constantly amazed that people want to spawn. Why they want to is beyond me. How can anyone look at the world and actively think adding more people is a good thing to do? Plus giving up your own time and life is not attractive at all.