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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you reach an age where getting totally pissed is a bit pathetic?

202 replies

ohforthelife · 05/11/2022 07:05

Maybe I'm missing something?

I enjoy a drink but I'm the sort of person who can have a glass of wine and not need to finish the bottle.

Middle aged DH went out and came home unable to string a sentence together, and couldn't understand why I was irritated. I have no objections at all to him going out, but I just feel when you get past the going out clubbing stage, you should know when you've had enough?

OP posts:
Quveas · 05/11/2022 13:02

I just feel when you get past the going out clubbing stage, you should know when you've had enough?

I have always known when I've had enough. Going out does need need to, and should not, mean getting drunk. But my parents brought me up with a healthy attitude to alcohol from a fairly young age, so I never felt that getting blind drunk was "fun" or worthwhile.

MassageGun · 05/11/2022 13:05

When exactly are you supposed to get past the clubbing stage? My young adult DC don't seem to have ever done it. My 50s friends are out in a club fairly regularly. It's different to when we were young, but definitely nightclubs.

Oblomov22 · 05/11/2022 13:13

Your irritation seems odd. Did he not go on the day out? I see the thimble of sherry only at Xmas are out with vengeance.

And pp alcohol free wine is vile. I've been looking for one for my dry January's for the last 10 years and haven't found a decent one yet.

Nothing wrong with drinking. I drink tonnes, I don't get so that I can't string a sentence together though, and I don't get hangovers, so never miss out.

trailrunner85 · 05/11/2022 13:14

I wouldn't begrudge anyone a blowout - you certainly deserve one after a mountain marathon!

Absolutely! Though tbh just a few sips would do it after 26.2 miles on the fells 😄

trailrunner85 · 05/11/2022 13:14

I wouldn't begrudge anyone a blowout - you certainly deserve one after a mountain marathon!

Absolutely! Though tbh just a few sips would do it after 26.2 miles on the fells 😄

BucketofTeaMassiveCake · 05/11/2022 13:16

To get so pissed you can't speak is frankly pathetic OP. Supposing DH had an accident and needed help - he can't ask for it if he can't speak, can he?

Two old friends had problems - one in her early 30s, went swimming whilst on holiday after an argument with her partner and the second, in her mid 50s, set fire to her home. Both died and there was a certain amount of alcohol in their systems. If they'd stayed sober, they could still be alive today.

You can't look after yourself when you're drunk or make sensible decisions. Why put yourself in danger unnecessarily? Whatever problems you have, you won't find the answer in a bottle of booze.

zingally · 05/11/2022 13:19

There's a woman at work, my age (late 30s), who is "out" every weekend, and sometimes during the week. Who always comes in complaining of a banging headache/hangover, and is always very vocal about how little money she has.

Honey. See the link.

Luredbyapomegranate · 05/11/2022 13:23

I think you are conflating two things

Yes it’s really annoying he got drunk the night before you have to go somewhere (I’m assuming he’s up late today)

But I don’t think you’re ever too old for an occasional drunken sess with friends. I drink little, can easily just have a glass when I do, have booze at home I don’t touch from month to month.. but a couple times a year, I am totally up for it.

drkpl · 05/11/2022 13:26

I have a bit of a strange relationship with alcohol. I used to go out and get absolutely hammered, now I don’t like getting too drunk in the company of others. I drink more at home. I’m sort of tired of it now, I realise it doesn’t make me happier/more relaxed/it doesn’t make tv shows more enjoyable. I’ve decided I’m going to stop drinking, aside from a ‘social’ drink or two when I’m out with friends. I think it is a bit immature but some people do have issues with drink or enjoy being drunk.

BatshitBanshee · 05/11/2022 13:27

I used to drink quite a bit in my 20s, wouldn't get arsey or totally out of it but now I've been sober for years. I could never moderate and hangovers aren't worth it so none was a better option.

I do not judge people who do drink but I find it difficult to see people over 40 who will deny they have a problem till they're blue in the face but they're falling over, pissing themselves can't string a sentence together level of drunk. It's not cute or funny, it's a pain in the arse. I knew a woman in her 50s who went around a social gathering pissed out of her head propositioning people to "meet her in the loo" in front of their partners. Her husband took her home after that and when she was told what happened she roared laughing and called it a good night. It is pathetic.

Loobyloo68 · 05/11/2022 13:32

I work hard and enjoy a few vodkas on a Saturday, live and let live!!

SchoolQuestionnaire · 05/11/2022 13:38

Flamintula · 05/11/2022 09:11

I don't go out specifically to get drunk, but sometimes it just happens. Parties can be worse cos you don't have to wait for a drink/ check measures. I really, really hate hangovers, but sometimes I end up with one and I'm pissed off with myself.

My mates range from 30 to 50, so clearly we're all pathetic. We have a bloody good time though.

This is similar to my group.

We all drink, definitely more when we are together than usual. None of us ever set out to get pissed but very occasionally we still manage it. Our first garden get together and first night out dancing after the lockdowns are particularly memorable examples.

That being said no one embarrassed themselves and we are all mothers so have no choice but to get up and plough on come what may the next morning. Football training was definitely not fun after the late night dancing.

I have considered stopping as hangovers are horrendous at this age and can sometimes be triggered even by two small glasses of red. But I no longer drink at home without company and as we’ve got older our get togethers are few and far between. We all drink far less now than when we were young and out every weekend and I still enjoy it so don’t want to cut out completely. And we always have so much fun together. This would be the case with or without alcohol but I do so enjoy a nice glass of wine or gin and I see no need to stop having fun and doing what we have always done just because we have hit our forties.

ThreeRingCircus · 05/11/2022 13:47

I think it depends on if it's a regular occurrence. I had a work night out last year and had far too much to drink. Everyone was having a good time and just ended up having too much of a good time. A few of us (including me) got absolutely wasted. Not to the point of being sick or falling over but pretty close. I felt absolutely horrendous the next day, felt guilty about feeling rough with the DC running about and don't want to get that drunk again.....so I've learned my lesson the hard way. But if DH had been a sanctimonious twat about it and judgemental I'd have been really annoyed as it was a one-off.

If you've got plans that have been ruined or children saw him drunk, then that's not on. If it's happening regularly, that's also an issue. But a one off I couldn't get worked up about.

BettyPaws · 05/11/2022 13:50

I have only got really drunk once in the last 10 years and I regretted my stupidity before I’d even made it home. I was so annoyed with myself for letting it happen and felt like a complete idiot. No amount of fun had while I was consuming the drinks made up for lying in bed with the room spinning and spending the next morning throwing up.

I don’t mind people being really drunk as long as I don’t have to deal with the repercussions, so being out with other people and they are drunk is fine but if it was my partner and I had to deal with them throwing up or being an idiot after we got home I would find it quite pathetic.

PurpleButterflyWings · 05/11/2022 13:54

BatshitBanshee · 05/11/2022 13:27

I used to drink quite a bit in my 20s, wouldn't get arsey or totally out of it but now I've been sober for years. I could never moderate and hangovers aren't worth it so none was a better option.

I do not judge people who do drink but I find it difficult to see people over 40 who will deny they have a problem till they're blue in the face but they're falling over, pissing themselves can't string a sentence together level of drunk. It's not cute or funny, it's a pain in the arse. I knew a woman in her 50s who went around a social gathering pissed out of her head propositioning people to "meet her in the loo" in front of their partners. Her husband took her home after that and when she was told what happened she roared laughing and called it a good night. It is pathetic.

OMG that woman sounds vile. I know a similar woman - in her early 30s, (ex work colleague,) who gets pissed out of her skull and leers over all the men when she's pissed. 3 years ago, at someone's 40th birthday party at a local pub that peoples partners were invited too too, she sat on my DH's lap and was trying to force him to kiss her. When he virtually pushed her off, she called him uptight and boring, and went to someone else's husband. And THEN someone else's!

Before we all left at about 10pm, she went over to a bunch of builders who were on a site close to the pub we were at, and was demanding they buy her a drink, and sitting on their laps, trying to kiss them, and groping at their crotch. Most of them pushed her away. A couple of them left with her at about 11pm (according to the barmaid who we all know.)

On the Monday at work, she was telling everyone that the builders were pigs and gropy sex pests who wouldn't leave her alone. She told a completely different story to what actually happened. Absolutely shocking, and terrifying frankly.

Also, I see the people have entered the chat, who think anyone who doesn't want to get so pissed they can't string a sentence together and are sick all over the floor are BORING. Wink And posting silly predictable over-used comments like 'oh the thimblefull of sherry at Christmas brigade are here!' We don't all want to get so pissed we can't walk, as many of us have grown out of our teenage stage. What a shame you haven't.

Abraxan · 05/11/2022 13:57

I am happy to judge based on expected levels of maturity on this one, tbh.

By the time you reach your 30s and 40s I think people do generally being more mature through experience. Getting silly drunk is something I'd expect from a less mature person. I can see why a young person might not have yet got the level of experience and maturity to have learnt their tolerances far more than I can an older adult.

Icks can be personal - for me a drunk adult is an ick.

fannyfartlet · 05/11/2022 14:00

Yep, it was about 25 for me. I have been completely drunk twice since then and both times regretted it. I'm almost double that age now BTW.

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 05/11/2022 14:02

PurpleButterflyWings · 05/11/2022 11:55

Yes it's pathetic and sad and vile when anyone over 25 does this. DH got absolutely fucking rat-arsed when he was about 38/39, some 15-ish years ago. Our 2 kids were 8-9 or so. I took them with me to pick him up from a night out with his mates. He was absolutely out of his head pissed, and couldn't string a sentence together or walk straight. I had to guide him to the car. I put him in the back with one of the kids, the other was in the front with me.

We were about 9 miles away from where we lived, and around 3 miles of that trip was on the motorway. We've been on the motorway for a mile, and DH suddenly decided he wanted to be sick and said 'stop, stop, stop!' I said 'I can't! We're on the motorway!'

So the stupid fucker decided to open the back door and hang out of it, with one of our children in the back and me going 55 miles an hour on the motorway! I could have absolutely murdered him! I slammed the brakes on, and pulled over onto the hard shoulder. He piled out onto the floor at the side of the motorway, and started vomiting everywhere

I was so tempted to just leave him there. I could have killed him. I dragged him back into the car. The kids were terrified. They'd never seen him like that before. I went home the other three miles or so, left the car on the drive, and took the kids in. He was still there the next morning, six hours later. Lying on the drive.

When he sort of came round at 7am, he said 'I've got a headache!' I said. 'You're lucky I don't fucking stop you from seeing the kids after last night! You put our childrens lives in danger last night with you getting so fucking rat-arsed, and opening the back door of the car when we were on the motorway! You were a disgrace!'

He claimed he couldn't remember a thing. But this was like 15 years ago. And he's never done anything like that since. I can remember that night vividly, and so do the kids. But DH says he doesn't remember a thing. Not sure if I believe him. But yes, anybody over 25 getting rat-arsed, and completely pissed, til they can't even stand up straight, just looks pathetic and sad. It's not a good look at ANY age, but past mid 20s, it's a hideous look.

That would have been it for me I'll be honest I wouldn't be worried a looser like that

Cosycover · 05/11/2022 14:06

If he did it every week it would annoy me. Once in a while wouldn't bother me at all.

I love having my friends over and getting drunk.

micedontpaint · 05/11/2022 14:08

Yes, it's pathetic, and I say that as someone who has always done it. I don't anymore. Took me a long time but I stopped because it's pathetic behaviour, and dangerous.

As a one off though I would let it go as long as they agreed it was pathetic.

Mumofsend · 05/11/2022 14:11

I stopped at 22. Got in such a state I was also spiked (confirmed) and was pretty much saved by chance from someone with bad intentions. The fear was enough.

StopThe · 05/11/2022 14:19

If I didn't have dc I'd be hammered much more often. I can see how scared and uncomfortable they are around drunk DH and family members so I don't.

I'm no angel, partied and clubbed
with too much drink and drugs I. My teens and twenties but I don't want that for my dc.

My Dad was a alcoholic and thought it was shits and giggles but for me it was all shit (no giggles -all weekend because hangover!)

toogoodforthisworld · 05/11/2022 14:34

I get where you're coming from. Does my head in. I suppose it's stress release? I'd rather jog it out - but DP goes on a bender.

toastedcat · 05/11/2022 14:44

My partner does this. We've just had a baby so I'm hoping it doesn't happen again, but in the past he's come home and he actually looks like he's had some sort of lobotomy, it's awful. He's in his 40s!! I find it pathetic, and also deeply unattractive.

micedontpaint · 05/11/2022 14:45

toastedcat · 05/11/2022 14:44

My partner does this. We've just had a baby so I'm hoping it doesn't happen again, but in the past he's come home and he actually looks like he's had some sort of lobotomy, it's awful. He's in his 40s!! I find it pathetic, and also deeply unattractive.

Is hoping going to work then?