To think you reach an age where getting totally pissed is a bit pathetic?

[ohforthelife]

Maybe I'm missing something?

I enjoy a drink but I'm the sort of person who can have a glass of wine and not need to finish the bottle.

Middle aged DH went out and came home unable to string a sentence together, and couldn't understand why I was irritated. I have no objections at all to him going out, but I just feel when you get past the going out clubbing stage, you should know when you've had enough?

If that’s what he enjoys then let him get on with it.

As a grown adult I would hate coming home feeling like my mum is telling me off for being drunk.

I personally don’t get wasted anymore as I like to stay in control of myself and not feel rough the next day but if others want to and they’re not hurting anyone or acting like twats then carry on.

I generally don't get hammered, just tipsy. But at a wedding about two months I got throwing up drunk. It was a combination of keeping up with drinkers and mixing my drinks. If it's occasional, it's excusable. But not if it interferes with plans made for the next day. That's childish.

" not convinced by the MN mantra about needing to grow up and that any sign of fun or enjoying life past the age of 30 is undignified"

Which absolutely nobody has said.

Yanbu

Getting legless is pathetic full stop.

I honestly don't personally know any adult who does this, to my knowledge. Yes, I would find it pathetic, but also worrying. Drinking so much that you can barely speak seems so dangerous! I'd also be resentful if they did it knowing they were ruining plans for the next day. Adults should be less selfish and have more self-control.

No, I think that your attitude in this post is judgemental and counterproductive.

Alcohol is addictive, that's the nature of the thing.

Overdoing drinking isn't 'pathetic' it's a natural result of drinking a substance that is both addictive and deeply ingrained in our culture.

I think a more honest assessment is that many people have some level of struggle with alcohol abuse, which tends to worsen over time. Many people need support with this. That does not make them 'pathetic'. It's not a character trait.

However in regards your husband, you are perfectly entitled to set your own boundaries and say you are not prepared to be with/around this level of drinking. And it's then up to him to either meet those boundaries (with support if needed) or not. Then up to you to decide the consequences to your relationship if he doesn't.

This!!!

how could anyone argue with this ⬆️ ?

Blind drunkenness never appealled to me - I'm too much of a control freak to get so wankered I couldn't think straight if I had to deal with a problem (and it's come in handy sometimes). I do drink but honestly I get to a point where I know it just won't be fun if I drink any more and I'll just feel wobbly and disconnected.

Interestingly it seems like social media, among other things, has dulled the appeal to young people. I hate it when people complain that younger people are 'boring' because they don't do drugs or heavy drinking - it's not as though those things make one interesting, and some people do seem to make it their personality.

In what way do you think that judgement and shame will help in any way? Attitudes like this stop people admitting they have a problem and seeking help

If we as a culture were more honest about the effects of alcohol use, and stop acting like alcohol abuse is a sign of bad character rather than a natural response to drinking a glamorized poison, I think far fewer people would start drinking in the first place.

I agree OP. My MIL is pissed every single weekend and has been drunk at every major event that has happened to our family in the last few years (3 births and 2 deaths) and I cringe for her when she cannot remember the details. One of the deaths she was refusing to believe said person had actually died and was telling us all they would be absolutely fine, and this was just typical of them - said person had already passed away by this point and she still was slurring that they had deliberately done this to ruin her night, then proceeded to throw up in my car when I was on the way to the hospital. She was mortified the next day, then was in the pub a week later doing shots "for" the person who had passed away and putting up videos of her wailing. I pity her a lot, it's very embarrassing.

I think it is unnecessary to get to that stage of drunk - how anyone finds it fun is beyond me but to each there own, I guess. And yes, I do find it pathetic.

100% this as I had the same. There’s nothing ‘fun’ about a grown ass person being so drunk they can’t string a sentence together. I guess those on here who think being older and drunk is a giggle have never shared a bed with an adult who has wet it because they’re so drunk or been on the other end of spiteful nasty comments by a ‘mean’ drunk. Oh it’s such a laugh (not).

You can buy loads of good alcohol free wine. Frexinet do a fantastic range.

Alcohol free beer - lots of really good Ines, both beer and lager styles. Some are very very good.

Alcohol free cider - again some very good ones. The flavoured ones don't taste much different to the versions with alcohol in.

Alcohol free wine - not yet found one that actually replicates real wine taste. They are more like a soft drink - so may taste nice, but nothing like actual wine. Feels like a totally different drink.

Alcohol free spirits - again, feels like a totally different drink. So may be nice, but not actually like drinking a gin, etc.

I went out a few weeks ago it was my first night out at the pub in years and I got so drunk I came home and was sick. It wasn't planned I think I was just excited being out and got carried away. I'm going to a firework event tonight and there will be alcohol available but I am not drinking.

I think binge drinking is pathetic and cringy at any age, but it's understandable to an extent if you're under 25 or so.

And yes, drunk older adults is a big ick of mine.

Hate it when dh comes home drunk, even if isn't not particularly often.

Even if I'm out with him so had a drink myself. I don't drink that amount - I begin to feel nauseous rather than getting drunk, plus medication means I have to be more careful anyway.

I think once you're out of your early 20s, not being able to handle your drink and getting drunk is just a bit sad tbh. You expect it from students and young adults - it's almost a rite of passage in those ages,

But a middle age adult all glassy eyed, a bit slurred and somewhat disheveled from too much drink - urgh.

I admit it's something I feel a bit judge about. Wouldn't say it to anyone other than dh though, guess as it doesn't directly affect me then.

Having a few drinks to feel the positive effects is different from getting in a mess because you have unwittingly, or from lack of ability to stop, drunk more than you can deal with.
When you're young a lot of the messy behaviour that ruins your night and other people's is due to either inexperience, or it being a social norm in your peer group. By the time you're middle aged, it's typically due to lack of an off switch, which is a different thing entirely and makes you a bit of a liability.

Some AGEISM here

drunk young people - ok

drunk older people - Ick!

This. There's nothing good about getting pissed at any age. It's very ageist to suggest it's somehow worse when you are older.

There was a 25 year old at our office party being very extra due to alcohol and it wasn't a good look.

I do think as you get older you learn like you have to avoid getting pissed or you can't hack the hangover so curtail drinking. Sometimes people misjudge so I would not be too harsh on your dh if he doesn't get drunk often.

I do agree and I very much live by the OPs philosophy 99.9 percent of the time.

Once every few years I will go to a festival or a rave and get off my fucking face and pretend I’m 16 again. Pathetic indeed but totally worth it once every few years.

So he wasn't throwing up and didn't do anything stupid? Just couldn't speak well?
I don't think that's a huge problem.

IME a lot of people who drink a lot while still remaining relatively high functioning get good at masking it to some degree.

An old male friend of mine (not pensioner old, old in that I've known him 20 years) completely stopped drinking over lock down. He recently told me he'd been drinking a couple of bottles of whisky most weekends for years but went up to four bottles over lockdown which is when he stopped.

I always knew when he'd had a drink but he was still able to go out for a meal, be sociable, and hold down a good job Mon-Fri.

They might be improving but the alcohol free wines are still nothing like the real thing. I'd rather do without.

There are some really good alcohol free beers though.

My friends (mid to late 30s) have largely divided into two groups - those who don't drink much or at all any more, and those who literally cannot control their drinking habits and become embarrassed/upset by how much they drink.

In our late teens and early 20s we were pretty much the same- all drinking too much, eating badly, not doing much exercise, etc. It was fun. For a while.

But then gradually most of us grew out of it, and others... didn't. And those who didn't seem to spend social gatherings these days going much the same way.

First hour: "I'm not drinking much today, don't want to feel rough tomorrow and we've got plans with the kids. In fact I barely drink at all any more. Only at weekends. And some Thursdays. I've really cut down..."
Second hour: "Oh go on then, I'll have another."
The occasion progresses: "ah I may as well, just a few more, we don't do this often do we."
Then a few hours in they're several wines down, tearful and/or overexuberantly repeating themselves.
The next morning you then get the messages saying "I can't believe I drank so much last night, what did I do, did I embarrass myself" etc.

And so it continues. And they keep telling themselves they're having fun, though they don't seem to be having any more fun than those who stopped at one or two, or didn't drink at all.

When I worked in IT, a lot of the guys smoked weed. Increasingly I remember some of them having weed vapes as vaping started taking off. Very few smoked cigs as they could get away with vaping inside but not smoking, probs why they also used vapes for their weed.

Despite being illegal, I gotta say I found them more tolerable than colleagues in other workplaces with big drinking cultures. They just used to get together for some food, have a few puffs and a glass or two of wine. No vomit, no dodgy drunken sexual encounters, no embarrassing behaviour etc.