To not date someone who can't spell/has poor grammar?

[denpark]

Ok, so Im back in the dating game after being married for a long time and, whilst it's fun, I'm not rushing into anything in particular or desperate to date.

There's a guy who I've met who seems really nice in person. He asked me for my number and we've been texting a bit with a view to going on a date soon.

Thing is - his spelling and grammar are atrocious and it's really annoying me. Im a teacher so it's one of those things that gets under my skin.

Do I overlook it and give it a chance or will it be a thing that constantly winds me up? He could be dyslexic but if it translates into him not speaking properly (e.g. 'could of/should of' or 'pacifically' then it's going to drive me mad...)

He's so nice...!

I can relate. Fellow teacher here.

I was very nearly put off my partner because of his poor grammar, but here we are a year later.

He’s a lovely man, just struggled at school and was disengaged- very little parental support in regards to his education.

The funny thing is he was nearly put off by me as he thought I would be ‘too clever’ for him, so it works both ways.

Repress the inner snob and go on a date!!!

Deal breaker for me, and in fact has been in the past. It suggests he doesn’t read, and reminds me of that John Waters quote.

“If you go home with somebody, and they don't have books, don”r fuck them”.

Have you been to his house?

Not for me. I would be more interested in his hobbies and sense of humour.
Saying that, my own grammar and spelling is shit anyway. I don't care about it.

I had an English teacher who would get "their" and "there" mixed up.

Wow, I'm finding this post a real eye opener..

"Critical teacher" , "driving me mad etc".

Wow.

I've met so many teens who are crushed, and who are afraid to write because they actually feel ashamed by their spelling. It's absolutely horrific.

My own DD was not getting spelling at school at all. She tried to practise but couldn't remember them.
Two years of failing and not once did the school give support or help.

So if it was left to the school she still wouldn't spell now.
Luckily she has a parent who could help and now with some research and tips from non critical,non judgemental people who understand that some people need a slightly different way to understand something she does well with spelling.

So many children leave primary school unable to spell or read, as a member of society I think this is shameful, esp as we woefully don't support Sen . Let alone for a teacher to be happy to admit they are openly critical of someones spelling.

It's mind boggling really!!

There's a word for everything these days. Apparently "demisexual" means that you neither like, nor dislike sex. "Non-binary" means that you are neither a macho man or a girly girl, but somewhere between the two (so it covers pretty much all of us).

No , you can’t do that. That might really put him off. As in, ‘I once dated a teacher but she kept correcting my spelling and grammar soo had to finish with her!’

My husband is the most intelligent person I've ever met, super successful CEO and downright lovely but can't spell to save his life.

Also a teacher, so I proof read important docs and emails for him. I suspect undiagnosed learning difficulties.

Anyways, meet him and see what you think...

I looked past this with my ex. He does nothing to help our son learn, doesn't bother with homework, even listening to our child read. I'm embarrassed I dated him let alone had a child with him. He was good with his words verbally but the worst with writing and reading. He attempted to take me to take me to court and after reading his statement which he wrote himself, I was embarrassed for him.

How much do you like him? Can you handle potentially being the person who does all the life admin and homework stuff?

Does his pros outweigh the cons?

Maybe he doesn't want to date someone who always corrects his spelling, grammar and how he speaks?

End it now. He's not a school child and doesn't need someone nagging at him for it.

It sounds like it's important to you that a match can spell, use grammar correctly and speak properly so no point wasting your time either.

My OH cannot spell even the simplest words sometimes but he has 3 degrees ( I feel a song coming on). He is of an age where dyslexia wasn't really recognised, and despite going to some very good schools, failed miserably. My DH could build a house - has done several times, repair an engine, run a company, and really turn his hand to anything as long as it didn't involve spelling. He is a genius nevertheless.

You’re judging on the wrong parameters.

Is he kind? Reliable? Emotional?

Does he have clean finger nails and smell good? That lovely manly aftershave/pheromone scent?

Does he have nice table manners?

When you leave him, do you feel lighter and brighter and more hopeful for the world?

(I have to admit table manners get to me, and to be fair, if he cuts his bread roll instead of breaking it, you’re within your rights to stab him in the face with a fork, but otherwise I think, keep an open mind.£

He sounds great! 💛👍

Jamie Oliver is severely dyslexic.

Do not write him off due to bad spelling or grammar. I would be more put off by someone who was pedantic about these things. Relax and see what happens. You don't have to set up home with the guy.

I have just had someone question me on my use of "didn't used to" vs "didn't use to" - if he is trying to put me off (there is some history,) he is totally failing.

(Apparently it should be "didn't use to". I didn't know this till 20 minutes ago.)

Haven't RTFT but YABU. If he's otherwise a great guy, you are being pretty ablist here.

I used to be like this. Bad spelling in dating profiles etc would put me right off.

I'm now with a man who is wonderful on a scale I've never known before and who treats me like a queen.

He's also dyslexic and left school at 16. He can't spell for toffee, bless him. In addition to his day job he also runs his own business and frankly is far more intelligent than me in many ways, for all that I have a string of letters after my name from degrees and professional qualifications.

Go on the date. If you don't like him then you don't have to keep dating him. But you might miss out on a real diamond if you rule him out based on this alone.

You are funny OP if you think being able to spell determines if someone is intelligent or not. Here's a few famous people with dyslexia who knock you off on the intelligent scale. F. Scott Fitzgerald

Steven Spielberg

Richard Branson

George Washington

And everyone's favourite thick person Albert Einstein

I think both are acceptable.
But your way sounds correct.

@EBearhug even if "use" is more correct! 🤣

My baby only exists, literally, because my now-husband used paragraphs in his first message to me.

My Tinder bio said, "I like punctuation."

OP is getting a hard time here.

Definitely not acceptable to say "didn't used".

Would you say "didn't came" or "didn't had"? They're equally wrong.

I have a feeling the people who are giving OP a hard time are just self-conscious about their own appaling grammar...

My son likewise only exists because my husband wrote excellent letters — clever, funny, literate — and had a proper respect for the semi-colon.

@RandomMusings7 I said it sounded more correct. Not that it was!