To not date someone who can't spell/has poor grammar?

[denpark]

Ok, so Im back in the dating game after being married for a long time and, whilst it's fun, I'm not rushing into anything in particular or desperate to date.

There's a guy who I've met who seems really nice in person. He asked me for my number and we've been texting a bit with a view to going on a date soon.

Thing is - his spelling and grammar are atrocious and it's really annoying me. Im a teacher so it's one of those things that gets under my skin.

Do I overlook it and give it a chance or will it be a thing that constantly winds me up? He could be dyslexic but if it translates into him not speaking properly (e.g. 'could of/should of' or 'pacifically' then it's going to drive me mad...)

He's so nice...!

Well, I went on that date...

The man who appeared to be lovely was, in fact, not.

He was rude, sexist and racist as well as having appalling speech.

My judgements were way off in terms of how nice I initially thought he was but were spot on regarding his speech/grammar. It actually made me want to crawl away as he was getting so many words/phrases wrong and was so lazy in his speech.

Add in the casual racism/ incredibly sexist attitude and he's really not the one for me.

Interesting how charming he initially appeared -feel like I've dodged a huge bullet!

WOAH! A bullet dodged, indeed. He sounds utterly charming.

Good luck on your next foray and hope you’ve firmly lost his number!

@denpark sorry you've had this experience!

Please don't compromise your boundaries and standards for fear of being called superficial.

I was shocked on an almost minute-by-minute basis by the things he came out with.

I clearly need to improve my character judgement!

Thank you. I won't compromise my boundaries even though a lot of comments on have made me really question them.

There's a distinct difference between my professional life and what I'd like from a person I'm dating x

Bloke I work with earns £250k and is really smart but writing not his strong point - dyslexia. I wouldn't write anyone off. Smarts is more than sp and grammar

But surely for every person with dyslexia there's at least 5 without any disabilities, who simply couldn't be bothered to ever learn proper spelling and grammar. The odds are much grater for the latter scenario.

Read my update. He's just a dick who I think is more lazy/arrogant than anything else.

This. This is what he's turned out to be

Interesting how charming he initially appeared -feel like I've dodged a huge bullet!

Thanks for coming back, OP. I was hoping you’d go on the date and report back. At least now you know and won’t forever be left wondering!

Having struggled with literacy and tbh if I was a my school now think I would be dyslexic

theres been plenty of times where my life been made a misery by people picking fault and judging me for lack of literacy skills

tend to find that people have in literacy skills and judgmental they lack in manners and empathy

He sounds truly awful. At least you know now. Bit worrying your friends are friends with a racist sexist person, but perhaps he's just a local person tagging along...

YANBU - it gives me the ick

who simply couldn't be bothered to ever learn proper spelling and grammar

Imo most people never actively bother to 'learn proper spelling and grammar' in their own language. How good they are at it is usually partly a natural aptitude for understanding and remembering that kind of information, alongside the luck of being brought up by well-educated parents with good grammar,being encouraged to read from an early age, and being taught well at a decent school. Plus the good fortune not to have dyslexia.

This man maybe a lazy, arrogant dick,but I seriously doubt that's why his spelling and grammar are poor. After all, there are plenty of lazy, arrogant dicks with perfectly adequate spelling and grammar.

The irony of the homophone at the end of your post makes me think that "people who live in glass houses..."

DH is dyslexic and his spelling and grammar is awful. The only way it impacts us is that he uses it as get out clause to help with any of DC homework and our shopping lists are interesting! (I don't bother correcting Brockley on a shopping list as we can both read it and know what it means!)

I have informed them of what he was like & they were really surprised. He's a friend from their childhood (I didn't grow up where I now live).

You dodged a bullet. Hope you find someone else nice to date, we'll all be happy to advise you!

Well that wraps that up then. He turned out to be an arsehole. Still, nothing ventured nothing gained, he might have turned out alright - the next one might still.

On the question of dating profiles (not really relevant to the OP as you met through mutual friends), I absolutely will judge a profile bio that's poorly written. Even if you are dyslexic, you can ask a friend to proof-read it for you. I'm more tolerant of misspelled private messages as they are a) private and b) instant so not really something you can call a friend to check before sending.

@denpark maybe you’re fixating on something trivial for a reason, eg, fear of dating/getting out there again

Something doesn't sit right with this thread/poster.

So they've gone from repeatung that the guy in question is thoroughly lovely, really nice, they've met in person several times:

But he's so lovely (we've met through friends several times before

...to then actually theyve only met only twice, when OP was pissed, then they suddenly don't know him well, to having one date where he is continually racist, sexist etc.

Sure...

What doesn't sit right is that I'm an idiot who honestly thought he was nice. But that was just from encounters at parties where we didn't really chat much. He seemed lovely, he's attractive and I was interested.

Turns out when he's in a situation where he can actually talk properly he's just not that nice. I'm glad I found out sooner rather than later.

I now need to work on improving my character judgement.

Thank you! I also clearly need advice on how to be a better judge of character.

someone who thinks it's ok to make people like that (who may be reading this) feel kicked in the stomach once again, and possibly unable to join in with threads on Mumsnet when they really could do with help and advice

This is a good point about Mumsnet in general and the spelling and grammar police. I don't think the OP is entirely in that camp as she has made it clear she thinks she needs to give her head a wobble and wanted help doing so.

Turns out when he's in a situation where he can actually talk properly he's just not that nice. I'm glad I found out sooner rather than later.

Very sorry to read that is hasn't worked out OP due to this. At least you know and can move on, it can take much longer to work out.