To not date someone who can't spell/has poor grammar?

[denpark]

Ok, so Im back in the dating game after being married for a long time and, whilst it's fun, I'm not rushing into anything in particular or desperate to date.

There's a guy who I've met who seems really nice in person. He asked me for my number and we've been texting a bit with a view to going on a date soon.

Thing is - his spelling and grammar are atrocious and it's really annoying me. Im a teacher so it's one of those things that gets under my skin.

Do I overlook it and give it a chance or will it be a thing that constantly winds me up? He could be dyslexic but if it translates into him not speaking properly (e.g. 'could of/should of' or 'pacifically' then it's going to drive me mad...)

He's so nice...!

I don't know yet. I do admit that intelligence is a dealbreaker for me as find intelligence sexy.

It feels like you have a pretty rigid thinking style. Very ‘black and white thinking’.

Also I don’t entirely believe your reasons here. Repeatedly saying ‘great guy’ and ‘he’s lovely’ but you’re willing to miss out because of a few spelling mistakes? Doesn’t make sense. What is really holding you back?

There’s a CBT exercise called the downward arrow. Google it and give that a go, might help you get to the root of what is actually going on.

Good luck!!

My dd is the same - inherited from her dad so if I was looking for someone to pro create with then in hindsight I may be more mindful of that but if you're done with that and just looking to date I'd say he's definitely worth meeting before you make a decision.

If you are worried that you will dislike his manner of speech, why don’t you talk to him on the telephone ? It’s a wonderful modern invention that allows you to have a conversation.

I'll have a look. I think you might be right.

Good idea! I think I'm just nervous

Overlook it, my husband has a fairly poor grasp of spelling and grammar but I married him so he obviously has many strengths that outweigh a misplaced apostrophe or a spelling mistake!

Honestly, try to let it go and get to know him properly. To be fair there might be other things that mean it doesn’t work on which case you can write it off. Buy him ‘Eats, Shoots and Leaves’ for Christmas if he’s still around then!

Ahem. "Semicolon" or "semi-colon" - not "semi/colon". 😉

Surely obvious the ‘/‘ was a (one-off) mistype on phone screen for ‘-‘.

If you go out on a date with him do you intend to communicate by text?

It would send me crazy OP!

Go on a date and see how it goes. If you spend the whole time "hearing" and noticing the incorrect SPAG and cringing, then you know you can't overcome it. If it actually goes well and you have fun , give him a chance.

"if he were a sex god"

(Yes, I know "if he was" is passing into acceptable usage, but in keeping with the thread, I'm sure you agree that that particular "typo" might also put someone off. )

What an idiotic post.

I went out with an atrocious speller for a year and a bit.

His texts were sometimes indecipherable due to spelling and he'd then act exasperated and patronising towards me for not understanding them, as though I were slow (I have a degree in politics and history and spent several years teaching English abroad).

I suppose it's that behaviour, alongside lots of other shitty behaviours that emerged ... That meant the relationship didn't succeed.

I'd give it a chance and see if you're compatible over all and if it drives you too bonkers or not.

This is my thinking. If you’re using spelling and grammar as an indicator of intelligence, then it might not be representative.

Can you try and make a political joke or something and see how that goes?

Incidentally I, I thought diplomatically (!), asked once if he was dyslexic and he was very offended.

He could not spell, he seemed to have trouble reading ... And he is the son of school teacher; but a polite suggestion of undiagnosed/untreated dyslexia made him v angry.

I'm with you in finding it a turn off, regardless of how many people might be relatively intelligent while having literacy problems.

I feel like this might make you laugh op 🤭#unacceptable 🤣

m.youtube.com/watch?v=3E7PB5Zn0XI

It's irritating isn't it,to me it just seems like laziness.my husband is a bad speller, uses that should of instead of should have phrase. Drives me nuts. It seems that poor grammar and spelling has become a norm now. I do love him very much, But I correct him all the time. Maybe people just don't read very much anymore, and without seeing the written word frequently, they just go with what sounds right. If he's a lovely guy it's worth overlooking.

What a rude and ridiculous thing to say...

I’m going out with a lovely man - I met him when I was 48 and thought life had passed me by. He can’t spell and his grammar could be better. It’s my pet hate. But he likes 90% of the same things I do, makes me laugh, is handsome, is clever and practical in lots of other ways, is interesting to talk to, and when I had an unexpected sudden death of a family member I honestly couldn’t have got through it without him. Took me for a walk when the post mortem was being done, came to the funeral, came to the inquest. Has picked up the pieces and continues to do so when I have a low day.

I’m 50 years old and I can’t do long division using pen and paper. Nobody’s perfect. Go on the date.

I'm a grammar snob. In the absence of a condition like dyslexia to explain it I couldn't overlook it. It's important to me that my partner be articulate and present himself as smart and educated to the world.

If that makes me shallow, so be it.

NRFT however there are 5 grammatical errors in your first 5 posts. This does not include using 'but' as opposed to ''however' as this is my personal preference. Texting a 'bit' is also annoying. It is all preference and only you can decide if he's worth it.

I don't know why you are trying to assess his spoken ability from the written word! Just go on an actual date where you can hear him speak!