To not date someone who can't spell/has poor grammar?

[denpark]

Ok, so Im back in the dating game after being married for a long time and, whilst it's fun, I'm not rushing into anything in particular or desperate to date.

There's a guy who I've met who seems really nice in person. He asked me for my number and we've been texting a bit with a view to going on a date soon.

Thing is - his spelling and grammar are atrocious and it's really annoying me. Im a teacher so it's one of those things that gets under my skin.

Do I overlook it and give it a chance or will it be a thing that constantly winds me up? He could be dyslexic but if it translates into him not speaking properly (e.g. 'could of/should of' or 'pacifically' then it's going to drive me mad...)

He's so nice...!

It's Muphry's Law in action! 'If you write anything criticizing editing or proofreading, there will be a fault of some kind in what you have written.'

It does come across that you're quite shallow, OP.

My DH is dyslexic and he can't write well or spell, it doesn't come easily to him. He's a wonderful man and I'm lucky to have him, he's successful in his field and it doesn't hold him back.

Communication is about being understood, not about adhering to every grammatical rule.

I used to be a copywriter and I've never been bothered about 'mistakes' outside of work; why would, say, a badly placed apostrophe actually annoyed you? That's strange.

Do you just like to be 'right'?

Is that the persona you adopt in the classroom? How are you towards your pupils who have things like dyslexia? I don't believe that you hide your judgement. I hope this makes you use a bit of reflective practice. If he's lovely don't go near him, he doesn't deserve to have you inflicted on him.

I'm a real stickler for spelling, grammar etc. I hate it when people say "could of" or "pacifically". I'm currently having a thing with a guy who does both of these things, but I really like him so it doesn't bother me. I just tease him about it. I think if you like him enough it probably won't bother you.

My DH is dyslexic. Anyone who judges someone for their spelling or grammar is rather pathetic IMO as it is in no way an indication of their intelligence or personality, and can potentially be quite ignorant as, like my DH, they may have dyslexia or another learning difficulty.

Isn't it funny how it's always the phone that makes the (numerous, and arguably far worse) mistakes than the ones the "stickler" gives as examples?

OP- you keep mentioning "should of" and people "saying" it.

Here's the phonetic transcription of "have" and "of" when used in connected speech at sentence level:
/əv/
/əv/

Could you explain to us which one is "of" and which one is "have"?

Before I started working with children who have dyslexia, I'd have agreed with you wholeheartedly.
Now I know how hard it is for them ... and they have so many other skills!

How shallow.

Not sure why you keep throwing out that you're a teacher. What has that got to do with anything. Sounds a bit like you need to stop viewing every person as a student. Being a teacher doesn't mean you can't accept that some people struggle with spelling and grammar more than others. I think you're being a bit shallow to prematurely write him off when you say he seems like a lovely person. My husband is super dyslexic and struggles a lot but he's so intelligent and has lightning maths skills. If anything as a teacher you should know better than to assume someone's intelligence just from spelling and grammar.

Ditto. Ashamed to say I once met a lovely guy but he texted me afterwards and used text speak and awful spelling. It did change my opinion of him.

This makes me a bit sad, OP.

Your profession, the role parents trust you to do to teach their children, is more than just about spelling and grammar, surely. Academics even. Is it not also about teaching broader skills like compassion, appreciation of difference, confidence building etc?

I work in a school and I know first hand that not all teachers have great spelling and grammar. In fact, our Head's is less than ideal.

I don't mean this rudely at all, but perhaps it's time you have a hard think about what it means to be a teacher. Because you seem to hold a lot of value on the stuff that really doesn't matter, and much less on the softer life skills that play much more of a role in life. As a teacher, I'd hope you'd have known this. I feel for your students with additional needs who must get judged by you.

If you want a good life partner, you'll have to compromise. As I'm sure they will with you too, no one is perfect.

Learn from your past lessons and choose the good guy.

I work in a school and unfortunately, many teachers think it must mean they're quite superior. In reality, thats obviously not the case. They're just people doing a job, like anyone else.

I read the beginning 20 or posts here, sorry I haven't got time to read the whole thread.

I think you are probably feeling a bit nervous about the whole thing of dating someone new and therefore are subconsciously looking for reasons why it won't work. Try and let go of it and hopefully it'll stop bothering you.

DH couldn’t spell and really didn’t understand why it was important to choose the correct variant of their/there/they’re - but he is lovely. Mild dyslexia, family background of poor literacy and low educational expectations, worst school in a deprived area, one CSE.

He’s now got a better degree than I have. (But I still proofread important stuff for him).

why is your job relevant? Teachers are not some class of intellectual elite😂😂😂

but if it turns you off it turns you off.

I have a husband like this too. Nothing more on his educational CV than four GCSEs at less than a C grade. Thinks reindeer is spelt raindear.

Can weld anything, excellent at indoor DIY, can dissemble a lawnmower to fix it, and tile a kitchen floor.

he does more parenting than I do, cooks more often than me, is on top of the children’s lunch ordering at school.

My brain still recoils when I read any notes he has left me, but his spoken language is pretty reasonable.

I’m glad I married him when I was young enough not to worry about his spelling, because I would have massively missed out on a a wonderful man and marriage.

You'd think so, but just like on here where I've had a few things get messed up via autocorrect (which is odd as I'd never spell them incorrectly), he's got nearly every second or third word spelt incorrectly.

I do think you need an intellectual connection with someone you're dating, but spelling and grammar on their own are no indicator. It's a running joke between dh and me that he cannot spell for toffee. He's an engineer and is great company, with plenty of intellectual discussion in him. I suspect he may be dyslexic but undiagnosed. Either way though, I do think yab a bit u. And I'm a sticker for spelling and grammar (also a running joke between us).

Hi OP...if he seems lovely, go and have a date and see if there's any chemistry. I too have a 'reaction' to bad grammar and spelling but in the grand scheme of things, his kindness, loyalty, genuineness are far more important. 😊

My current fella recently wrote "criteria" when he should have written "criterion" and it did cross my mind to end things there and then.😆

Boot the devil off your shoulder. My DH can’t spell - although he doesn’t write ‘would of’ . There is no way I would have fixated on that, although I am keen on good spelling and grammar. I’ve had valentines cards that say he ‘truely’ loves me - we just have a laugh about it.
He pulls his weight mostly and earns significantly more than I do …

Nope. My brother is dyslexic and cannot spell. He is incredibly intelligent and works in engineering. The company are amazing and he has a designated spell checker for his reports! He also puts a note at the end of his emails, something along the lines of "I am dyslexic therefore may make spelling and grammatical errors, please feel free to get in touch if you are dyslexic and wish to discuss as you are not alone" - he's had a few young engineers get in touch and is now a mentor for dyslexic people in his company!

I would rather he was a errr, nice person!!!

My job and my dating preferences are completely separate. I do everything in my power to support and help every child but in my dating life there are certain things I prefer. We are all allowed preferences.

Is he not very clever or does he have dyslexia? That is relevant. Find out, if you haven't already, what he does for a living.

You say you are not looking for anything too special right now but I think if you started going out with him on a regular basis, ie he became your 'boyfriend', it could be embarrassing.