To not date someone who can't spell/has poor grammar?

[denpark]

Ok, so Im back in the dating game after being married for a long time and, whilst it's fun, I'm not rushing into anything in particular or desperate to date.

There's a guy who I've met who seems really nice in person. He asked me for my number and we've been texting a bit with a view to going on a date soon.

Thing is - his spelling and grammar are atrocious and it's really annoying me. Im a teacher so it's one of those things that gets under my skin.

Do I overlook it and give it a chance or will it be a thing that constantly winds me up? He could be dyslexic but if it translates into him not speaking properly (e.g. 'could of/should of' or 'pacifically' then it's going to drive me mad...)

He's so nice...!

This is one of reasons why dh won't text. He can't spell and has incredibly bad grammar. He nearly always phones in reply to messages that need more than 4 word answers.

I'd meet him or start talking on the phone.

If it gives you the ick, then move on. Plenty of women who will be happy to overlook it, not deem it important. But if it's a bugbear now it will drive you crazy down the line. It's ok for somebody not to be for you, for example if you had the ick about chewing gum and the guy chewed gum, that's enough of a reason. Because down the line, he'll be chewing gum one day and you will just have irrational hate for this seemingly benign habit, because of the ick.
The ick is always enough reason.

Overlook it.. Being a grammar nazi is no way to live.

i am trying to think how many times me and my beloved "write" to each other.

i mean we send whatsapps and texts - can you get milk on way hime? but we never write to each other.

So it wouldn't bother me much.

though on a dating site, if all his messages at the start were U ok hun? wht u up2?

rather than a longer message, showing interest but with some typos, then i'd assume he wasn't interested anyway.

I suspect you are doing a bit of self sabotage. I think you are looking for excuses cos you are nervous. Setting yourself up to dislike him. You are telling yourself he isn't intelligent before even speaking to him and to my mind that's not very emotionally intelligent😊

Give it a chance and tell yourself intelligence comes in many forms.

I ain't great at spelling or grammar but I have other skills.

Same. My husband annoys me with how much he puts himself down. He runs a very successful business. He can’t spell for toffee.

Totally agree with this, DP is the same. Not great with spelling/grammar but he is a fantastic father and partner and has a good job where he is highly thought of. I'd take this any day of the awful men I read about daily on here.

If you're confident you bring enough to the table yourself to easily find someone who ticks all your other boxes, and also meets your standards of literacy, then give him a miss. If like most people, finding someone you like, who appears to reciprocate, is not an everyday occurance, then it might be sensible to overlook something that has no bearing on whether he will be decent and fun. If his manner of speech proves intolerable in person, you don't need to see him again.

Yes, if his spelling is a bad as you say, that can’t really reflect in his speech. But why don’t you meet him and see how you get on. Unless youre so busy you don’t want to waste your time.

An example of Muphry's Law.

I'm a teacher too, and a languages teacher at that. I could handle the bad spelling, no problem at all. The bad grammar would bother me though, if it was obvious in the way he spoke rather than just in writing or texts etc.

It's not at all that I think it means the person is unintelligent, but the way somebody speaks is a big part of who they are and how they come across. People very decide on potential partners on the basis of things a lot more trivial or superficial than that imo.

Txt speak isn't the same thing as dyslexia though. It's just plain lazy in this age where you aren't paying by the letter like you used to.

Definitely have a phone call and a face time before meeting up.

My DP left school with one o level in maths undiagnosed dislexia hes now doctorate level done some amazing computer programs for very prestigous companies and travelled the world to conferences on his mathematics speciality but he cant spell for toffee uses a spellcheck or me

Me too!

It is important though that you are on a level intellectually regardless of how nice he is. So don’t feel guilted until dating him. How is he apart from the spelling/grammar? Does he have insight into it and know how to compensate? Does he think quickly enough for you? Do you both understand the same jokes? Does he “get” you and vice versa? Does he work hard and productively enough to support himself?

I am dyslexic and I have a PhD from one of the best universities in the U.K. People like the OP, who conflate spelling ability with intellect, are misguided. Nobody ever received a Nobel prize for being the world's best copy editor, did they?

It actually makes me quite angry that someone who is a practising teacher doesn't seem to understand that extremely bright people can be naff spellers.

What makes you think you’re so bloody special in the dating pool that you can run someone down like this?

What a strange question. Nobody owes anyone a date. There is nothing wrong with being picky. Everyone has their own load of preferences and turn-offs in a partner. People wouldn't bat an eyelid at a woman saying she liked tall men or blond men, or didn't really want to date men who were big football fans or didn't like Italian food or whatever.

Preferences are allowed. It's not unreasonable to be attracted or not attracted to someone partly based on the way they use language to express themselves.

That's fantastic! I can't stand Supernanny!

I'm so relieved it's not just me. Apparently there's a term, 'sapiosexual' which is what I think I must be. Attracted to intelligence.

“Sapiosexual”? Really? As in, being attracted to intelligence makes people unusual and special in some way?!

I'm with you in finding it a turn off, regardless of how many people might be relatively intelligent while having literacy problems.

How patronising that 'relatively' is. It's gine to prefer a partner whose skills and mind are more aligned with your own,but t here are plenty of people who are (academically amd intellectually) a LOT more than 'relatively' intelligent and still bad at spelling. I'd have thought that most intelligent people would realise that. Some people have incredible mathematical, scientific or creative brains but are really bad spellers.

There are definitely men out there who don't appreciate intelligence and education, especially if you have more of it than they do.

I want a man who makes me think, and not the sort of thoughts like, "how have you survived to adulthood and not know that?"

Oh op, just date the lovely man if you fancy him, and then if it works out, somewhere along the road you can correct the worst of his errors. Win, win for everyone. Job done.

You're welcome.

Both my parents have very poor spelling and grammar. Lovely people, devoted spouses for 60 years, wonderful parents and grandparents. Don't write him off, it's not important in the grand scheme of things.

I'm a teacher (and pedant) and I met my partner online dating. He still can't tell the difference between your and you're. Basically if he wasn't such a great shag good guy it would have been over years ago.

If he seems as nice as you say, it's definitely worth looking past it.