To not date someone who can't spell/has poor grammar?

[denpark]

Ok, so Im back in the dating game after being married for a long time and, whilst it's fun, I'm not rushing into anything in particular or desperate to date.

There's a guy who I've met who seems really nice in person. He asked me for my number and we've been texting a bit with a view to going on a date soon.

Thing is - his spelling and grammar are atrocious and it's really annoying me. Im a teacher so it's one of those things that gets under my skin.

Do I overlook it and give it a chance or will it be a thing that constantly winds me up? He could be dyslexic but if it translates into him not speaking properly (e.g. 'could of/should of' or 'pacifically' then it's going to drive me mad...)

He's so nice...!

Why are you justifying yourself? You know you’re not in the wrong. This is just one of those threads that has gone a bit weird. It often happens late at night. I’d just leave it and come back in the morning if I were you.

I read your post the first time.

But he's so lovely (we've met through friends several times before, but always after a few glasses of wine).

You've met him several times and drank so much you still don't know how he actually speaks.

To me that points to piss head and that's way more off-putting to me than poor SPAG.

If you can't handle your booze to the point it blocks your memory like that, it's a cause for concern.

I’m the world’s worst spelling and grammar pedant.but my husband is dyslexic and isn’t remotely bothered about either so I just had to ignore it when we met. I could barely understand most of his text messages. We’ve been married 11 years.

Probably best to let this one pass and let him find someone less judgemental

That's lovely x

My husband is a wonderful partner and husband, his SPAG might not be up to scratch but if I'd based our future on that I'd have definitely come off the worst.

Probably. I'm trying very hard to not be judgemental but if he doesn't speak well I know it'll wind me up. Which is a shame.

You sound very happy! I did marry someone partially based on his literacy skills and, well, I'm dating again so that didn't work out too well...

It could be you meet and there's no chemistry in pwtson - that's always disappointing when you get on well on messaging, but it happens.

Some errors I can ignore, because bloody autoincorrect is constantly sabotaging me, so it probably does them same to everyone. But I don't think I could let "could of" go.

I once went to bed with a man mostly on the grounds of his sound views on the correct usage of apostrophes. (Something autocorrect appears almost entirely unaware of.) A recent one has very many things in his favour, but the fact he can write is a real bonus. He just needs to get over his prejudices around distance.

If he's lovely in all other ways, I'd probably meet, not least because I'd want to know if he was as good IRL as he seems. But I have swiped no on many a profile with SPAG errors, so it's not just you.

@worraliberty
Two glasses of wine at birthday parties with loud music.
Doesn't make it very easy to hear people!

Thank you x

You've met him several times and each time you drank too much to be able to remember how the man actually speaks.

You can keep making excuses if you like, I mean you've made 2 so far - 'post breastfeeding' and now 'loud music' but the fact still remains on every occasion you got too pissed to remember.

Poor SPAG turns you off, piss heads turn me off. We're both entitled to that 🤷‍♀️

So it's the loud music now and not the breastfeeding?

Ok 🙄

If you’re already questioning your attraction to him on the basis that he might possibly one day use the word pacific rather than specific (despite never having heard him say this) then I’d say it’s best to move on and let him find someone who suits him. And you could find someone who suits you. Maybe trawl uni campuses clutching a copy of The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation? Or try to manufacture a situation where somebody would have to use the word ‘specific.’

At the end of the day you don’t have to date somebody for any reason. I wouldn’t date somebody who had met another person more than once, but had become so drunk on every occasion that they couldn’t even recall how that person spoke. That wouldn’t suit me. You don’t want to date somebody who might say ‘pacific.’ So just don’t! Just keep looking for somebody else who is preferable to you.

Hmm op.

He might have had some very poor teachers.

He might be a bit salt.of the earth. My stepfather is and sold his business for 7 figures. It doesn't mean he isn't a pig ignorant bigot who married my mother for her money. This chap might be a better catch.

It wouldn't float my boat; it floated my mother's. She leads the life of Riley.

@worraliberty At what point did I retract the breastfeeding information? Your trying to pick a hole that isn't there.

I have clearly stated that I've met him a few times at birthday parties where I had had a couple of glasses of wine. My tolerance is much lower as a result of breastfeeding and I have found that wine hits harder than it used to. Add to that loud music and it makes it difficult to hear anyone.

Have you not ever been at a party where you end up having to speak very loudly to be heard or just not along politely because you can't really hear people? Most people have.

So, no, I have no idea how he speaks as I couldn't really hear him properly over my friends yelling out ABBA songs at the top of their lungs!

You're! I hate my phone!

Oh dear op… I’m glad we aren’t friends. I know you SAY it’s your phone making these mistakes, but I just worry that you’d speak improperly, which would repulse me of course.

@Kanaloa Point well made

My husband can’t spell for toffee. He has the most amazing talent for carpentry, engineering and anything practical (also a fantastic dad). I have an English degree and am a headteacher. We work.
I’d have missed a lot over the last twenty or so years if I’d been put off by the fact spelling isn’t his strong point, why not get to know your chap first before judging?

My bf can’t spell for shit. If I’d met him on a dating website it would be an immediate no, I wouldn’t have even bothered replying if he’d messaged.

But I met him in my local pub, shagged him and 2.5 years later it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had. He can’t spell but he’s very clever, hilariously funny and earns very good money, so the spelling hasn’t held him back! Thank god I met him in real life and not online. Give him a chance I reckon!

Thank you! I'm so annoyed with myself for having this wobble. He really seems like a great guy!

Your post sums up exactly what I would have done if I'd seen this guy on a dating site. I know I wouldn't have clicked on his profile. Xx

I don't think it's a deal breaker if you otherwise get on. For me twee shite they say on a constant basis is more of a turn off, if you know exactly what they will say in any given situation and its twee bollocks it really makes my nethers shrivel.

"Just at the folks having a bite to eat" urghhhhh

I wouldn't consider it a non-negotiable, but I can't deny that texting someone with poor SPaG really irritates me.

What have you got to lose? Meet up with him and see how you feel when meeting him in person.