Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not date someone who can't spell/has poor grammar?

250 replies

denpark · 04/11/2022 23:46

Ok, so Im back in the dating game after being married for a long time and, whilst it's fun, I'm not rushing into anything in particular or desperate to date.

There's a guy who I've met who seems really nice in person. He asked me for my number and we've been texting a bit with a view to going on a date soon.

Thing is - his spelling and grammar are atrocious and it's really annoying me. Im a teacher so it's one of those things that gets under my skin.

Do I overlook it and give it a chance or will it be a thing that constantly winds me up? He could be dyslexic but if it translates into him not speaking properly (e.g. 'could of/should of' or 'pacifically' then it's going to drive me mad...)

He's so nice...!

OP posts:
Tromboncini · 05/11/2022 00:12

Fucking obnoxious and I’m sick and seeing threads like this that also happen to have typos in their own post ‘he he sorry, it was just my phone’. Is it possible that is what he’s also done and even if not, do you think poor spelling is an indicator of how nice a person is, or their contribution to society, or wealth, or any other measure beyond the grammar police.

I think he can do better than you.

RishisProudMum · 05/11/2022 00:12

girlfriend44 · 05/11/2022 00:10

Are you perfect Op?
Are you good at everything?
Pathetic question you've asked?

Show quote history

She cleans need to be perfect or good at everything to decide what she finds attractive and only date that. Perfection is not required to be discerning as to who one chooses to date.

Original poster
denpark · 05/11/2022 00:12

iamjustwinginglife · 05/11/2022 00:09

Your DH sounds lovely.
I married the twat who could spell...!

...so maybe this is a non-twat who can't spell. Which would you prefer?

The non-twat! The twat was very twatty!

OP posts:
Iamthewombat · 05/11/2022 00:13

PaniniHead · 05/11/2022 00:11

It’s not a case of the OP having a preference though. It is being expressed as contempt for how someone writes and how someone could potentially speak before they even date, that is ridiculous.

The OP is allowed to have opinions, you know. She is permitted to have an aversion to people who can’t write English correctly.

RishisProudMum · 05/11/2022 00:13

PaniniHead · 05/11/2022 00:11

It’s not a case of the OP having a preference though. It is being expressed as contempt for how someone writes and how someone could potentially speak before they even date, that is ridiculous.

Not wanting to date someone isn’t ‘contempt’. She can not want to date anyone for any reason.

PaniniHead · 05/11/2022 00:15

You can tell those who don’t have exposure to people with dyslexia, dyspraxia etc on this post. The OP is making harsh judgements about someone who she doesn’t really know and doesn’t know if he does have the aforementioned conditions. If this was a bloke posting, they would have their arse handed to him.

MightyOaks · 05/11/2022 00:15

Pitterpatterofrain · 04/11/2022 23:53

My DH also has a master's and a very highly paid engineering job and is terrible at spelling and poor grammar.

If your potential date is not as shallow as you I hope he runs for the hills. 😂
You sound bloody awful.

I think bloody awful is a bit harsh. She's entitled to find something about a potential date, off putting. We haven't quite reached the point whereby you're obliged to
keep dating someone who you're not attracted to, just to save being cruel/risk offending them or hurting their feelings Hmm

Original poster
denpark · 05/11/2022 00:16

Ok. I can't reply to posts that contains quotes.
To answer a few questions/points-

  1. Yes, I've been a bit drunk when I've seen him out at two birthday parties (shit timing as I don't often drink, which is why it went to my head so quickly)
  1. I'm allowed to have dating preferences.
  1. I posted on here basically for people to set me straight as I knew I was being ridiculous but I just couldn't quite shake my issue.
  1. Phone calls are probably a better judging ground.
  1. He's bloody lovely!
OP posts:
PaniniHead · 05/11/2022 00:17

If she is put off already, then why should she go through with a date? The ick factor has come in prematurely. If it’s there before they go on a date, then what‘s the point?

Trez1510 · 05/11/2022 00:17

The two nicest men I've ever met had extremely poor spelling and grammar. Sharp as tacks, kind, witty and sane.

There's always the chance he will be equally shallow. Perhaps he won't want to have sex with you if you're not in the habit of, say, ironing your sheets? 😛

LaughingCat · 05/11/2022 00:17

Haaaaaaaa!!!! My other half is howling at me right now. Badly typed grammar and spelling make me hyperventilate. I would find it difficult to be with someone who said, “That’ll learn him.” ‘Could of’ makes me grit my teeth. These are entirely my issues, I know - I say ‘awesome’ and ‘shizzamabobble’ way too much to ever have the right to cast stones at anyone else.

You’ve already got the right idea, to meet up with him and see whether it’s a mild dyslexia or whether it translates to his speech (or whether he’s lovely enough that you just don’t care anymore!). 😊

worraliberty · 05/11/2022 00:17

I think he can do better than you.

He can definitely do way better than someone who adds to all the online negativity towards people who can't spell and have poor grammar for whatever reason.

Whether the reason is a poor education through no fault of their own, dyslexia, a poor memory for SPAG or any other reason that affects their personality in no way whatsoever, he can 100% do better than someone who thinks it's ok to make people like that (who may be reading this) feel kicked in the stomach once again, and possibly unable to join in with threads on Mumsnet when they really could do with help and advice.

The fact she claims to be a teacher makes it a tad worse too, in terms of understanding that this is a shitty thing to do to people.

RishisProudMum · 05/11/2022 00:18

OP, don’t date a man because you think you ought to give him a chance. Nobody is entitled to a chance. Nobody is entitled to your attention, your time or your fanny. If you only want to date one legged sailors named Ferdinand who speak in iambic pentameter, that’s your right.

This nonsense where women are berated for not welcoming all comers is just that. Nonsense.

Tromboncini · 05/11/2022 00:19

Iamthewombat · 05/11/2022 00:13

The OP is allowed to have opinions, you know. She is permitted to have an aversion to people who can’t write English correctly.

Show quote history

You mean like the OPs own post whilst professing to be a teacher?

Original poster
denpark · 05/11/2022 00:19

PaniniHead · 05/11/2022 00:15

You can tell those who don’t have exposure to people with dyslexia, dyspraxia etc on this post. The OP is making harsh judgements about someone who she doesn’t really know and doesn’t know if he does have the aforementioned conditions. If this was a bloke posting, they would have their arse handed to him.

I have exposure to dyslexia/dyspraxia - close family members have both.
I'm not judging him based on probable dyslexia but on the fact he may not speak well. That would annoy me a lot. I'm allowed preferences.

I would also not dare someone who uses the term 'banter' in their dating profile or has a picture of them holding a fish!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 05/11/2022 00:19

Hopefully that's not going to be the case. I've had too much wine on the times I've met him before (with friends) so I can't judge yet!

If you've been so pissed every time you've met him that you can't even remember how he speaks, I know what I'd be judging here and it's not his spelling and grammar.

Pissheads are definitely a turn-off for me but each to their own.

Original poster
denpark · 05/11/2022 00:20

Trez1510 · 05/11/2022 00:17

The two nicest men I've ever met had extremely poor spelling and grammar. Sharp as tacks, kind, witty and sane.

There's always the chance he will be equally shallow. Perhaps he won't want to have sex with you if you're not in the habit of, say, ironing your sheets? 😛

Good point. My sheets are crumpled...!

OP posts:
Mumwithbaggage · 05/11/2022 00:20

My lovely intelligent high earning son is dyslexic (and went to grammar school) but can't spell for toffee. I'm a teacher too. Could of would grate with me too I'm afraid but the spelling I could live with. Are you in the SE?

RishisProudMum · 05/11/2022 00:21

PaniniHead · 05/11/2022 00:15

You can tell those who don’t have exposure to people with dyslexia, dyspraxia etc on this post. The OP is making harsh judgements about someone who she doesn’t really know and doesn’t know if he does have the aforementioned conditions. If this was a bloke posting, they would have their arse handed to him.

Even if he’s dyslexic or dyspraxic, or has any other condition - she doesn’t have to want to date him. If what she’s into is spelling and grammar, the reason someone isn’t good at those things is irrelevant.

dottypotter · 05/11/2022 00:21

denpark · 04/11/2022 23:46

Ok, so Im back in the dating game after being married for a long time and, whilst it's fun, I'm not rushing into anything in particular or desperate to date.

There's a guy who I've met who seems really nice in person. He asked me for my number and we've been texting a bit with a view to going on a date soon.

Thing is - his spelling and grammar are atrocious and it's really annoying me. Im a teacher so it's one of those things that gets under my skin.

Do I overlook it and give it a chance or will it be a thing that constantly winds me up? He could be dyslexic but if it translates into him not speaking properly (e.g. 'could of/should of' or 'pacifically' then it's going to drive me mad...)

He's so nice...!

As your a teacher you could help him then couldn't you instead of trying to ridicule him.

Bet there's something about you he dosent like but probably to polite to run you down on a public forum?

Original poster
denpark · 05/11/2022 00:22

worraliberty · 05/11/2022 00:19

Hopefully that's not going to be the case. I've had too much wine on the times I've met him before (with friends) so I can't judge yet!

If you've been so pissed every time you've met him that you can't even remember how he speaks, I know what I'd be judging here and it's not his spelling and grammar.

Pissheads are definitely a turn-off for me but each to their own.

Read my post again. Not a pisshead, just a lightweight who had two glasses of wine and forgot that the post-breastfeeding version of her can't drink anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
denpark · 05/11/2022 00:23

Mumwithbaggage · 05/11/2022 00:20

My lovely intelligent high earning son is dyslexic (and went to grammar school) but can't spell for toffee. I'm a teacher too. Could of would grate with me too I'm afraid but the spelling I could live with. Are you in the SE?

Yes I am. It's the accent/speaking style around here and it really grates! May need to find an errant northerner or Irish guy!

OP posts:
Tromboncini · 05/11/2022 00:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PaniniHead · 05/11/2022 00:24

I never said she should want to date him. I’m saying the opposite- if it puts her off now, then why go on a date? The potential date could have verbal apraxia. If speech is the main thing that would her off, then why waste their time?

Original poster
denpark · 05/11/2022 00:25

PaniniHead · 05/11/2022 00:24

I never said she should want to date him. I’m saying the opposite- if it puts her off now, then why go on a date? The potential date could have verbal apraxia. If speech is the main thing that would her off, then why waste their time?

That was what I was wondering. He's so nice that I don't want to waste his time if it's going to bother me. I'm not a bad person and I'm far too self-aware for my own good.

OP posts: