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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone else’s nursery pulling this stunt at the moment?

490 replies

Skinnermarink · 04/11/2022 12:14

Let me preface this by saying I KNOW nursery work is hard and it’s long and it’s woefully underpaid. It was a long time ago but I’ve worked in one myself. I can totally see why there’s a recruitment crisis with it at the moment.

DS is one and we thought we’d found a good nursery. Long established, nice staff etc. I wasn’t keen on sending him at all because I wanted him at home with me but it’s not financially viable. So four days a week he goes, at a cost of £1100 a month.

The amount of calls we’ve had to go and collect him over something or other have ramped up in the past eight weeks to the point of ridiculousness. They include

-a temperature that we never managed to catch at home and he was completely well. That happed 3x
upset stomach that magically we never saw at home, but came with a 48 hour exclusion. This went on for weeks. At worst he had a few soft nappies, certainly nothing anyone could describe as diarrhoea. I eventually got a stool sample to clear him for this at their insistence before they’d have him back. He missed days and days of nursery for this.

Teething pain which meant he was ‘not himself’ (I didn’t collect for this, as he was playing, eating and drinking, and I told them I wasn’t going to collect for something as flimsy as this and they were welcome to give calpol)

a head injury that we had to come immediately for or they’d call an ambulance, threw myself into a taxi in sheer panic to find him running around with a tiny bump on his head, but they wanted me to take him home to be checked out and not return him for 24 hours. I’m not under reacting by the way, it really was in no way anything other than a typical toddler bump.

This week has been the final straw. He had his MMR vaccine last week and developed a few tiny spots- a side effect listed on the NHS website. They called and said we had to collect and he couldn’t return today unless a doctor cleared the ‘rash’.

Luckily our GP is fab and had him in this morning, cleared him in seconds with a note so I took him straight to nursery because I had to get to work. There were already 9 babies in the room, mine would take it to ten. 3 members of staff. They looked pissed off and a bit panicked and said he couldn’t come in unless I had a doctor’s clearance - which I produced. The manager was called down who said they had staff sickness but she would be covering herself until an agency worker arrived.

I felt shit leaving him to be honest but it’s no exaggeration to say our jobs have been on the line due to dropping things to pick him up, staying off with him at short notice etc. we’ve used practically all remaining annual leave we had for Christmas so that’s scuppered plans to visit family. We don’t have any outside help, it’s just us, no grandparents to call in an emergency etc.

So I want to know has anyone else been in this situation? I’m not being paranoid (although I did tell myself I was at first) and I honestly think they have to pick babies to send home to stay within the ratios and then hope they stay off the next day.

I’ll add that DS has been genuinely unwell with things on occasion and of course we’ve kept him off. But we are at our absolute limit now and have pissed hundreds up the wall on unnecessary pick ups and days off.

Think I have found an alternative setting and are looking on Monday, but they have no availability until January.

OP posts:
Ingrainedagainstthegrain · 04/11/2022 13:34

Forget the aggravation, the point is your child is in the wrong environment if they're that desperate to get rid of children. It doesn't sound nurturing.

sarahc336 · 04/11/2022 13:36

Yes I'm noticing a trend towards this at our nursery. With dd1 they hardly ever phoned up, but now with dd2 they phone up for anything. They phoned the other day to say dd2 had a slight temp, I went earlier than normal to collect her and she was slightly warm but was running around singing and clapping, she was not I'll or upset in anyway. I took her back in yesterday and she is fine and has no temperature but they must have checked her temperature anyways as they said at pick up "oh her temp has gone but she is snotty" I was annoyed as I wouldn't take my child to nursery if she was I'll so why are they checking up? It feels they want to literally get them sent home early for anything 🙄

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/11/2022 13:37

No it's not normal. I've never been asked to collect either of mine. They have been off with illness a few times over the years but if I think they are ok to go in the nursery seem fine with that. I keep them off if they are unhappy in themselves but otherwise send them regardless of any other symptoms.

Tinytortilla · 04/11/2022 13:40

Our 2 eldest went to nursery and it was like this. I’m sure between them they were off atleast twice a week for something stupid, I was asked to collect for nappy rash once!!!

Youngest goes to a childminder and the only time I’ve had not had to collect him once and we are 6 months in (I’ve kept him off a few times when he’s been genuinely ill, but not at her request)

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/11/2022 13:42

sarahc336 · 04/11/2022 13:36

Yes I'm noticing a trend towards this at our nursery. With dd1 they hardly ever phoned up, but now with dd2 they phone up for anything. They phoned the other day to say dd2 had a slight temp, I went earlier than normal to collect her and she was slightly warm but was running around singing and clapping, she was not I'll or upset in anyway. I took her back in yesterday and she is fine and has no temperature but they must have checked her temperature anyways as they said at pick up "oh her temp has gone but she is snotty" I was annoyed as I wouldn't take my child to nursery if she was I'll so why are they checking up? It feels they want to literally get them sent home early for anything 🙄

I would ask them not to check my child's temperature. Either the child is happy and eating and joining in and is fine to be in nursery, or they are not well and need to be at home. If the former there is no need to check. If the latter I would want to be informed regardless of the temperature.
Also they are probably using a forehead thermometer which are inaccurate.

honeylulu · 04/11/2022 13:42

My kids went to two different nurseries. The latter one was great, very sensible. Would take off colour tots and keep them comfortable and dosed as required.

First one was a real piss take. The manager seemed to have a real bee in her bonnet if I sent our son in when I wasn't actually at work. I did work FT but occasionally took a days leave to have a break, Christmas shopping, smear test and all the other things you'd rather not do with a toddler. She would know because I'd drop him slightly later and wouldn't be in office clothes. It was very common that by lunchtime she would call and say he didn't seem at all well and I needed to get him. Grrr. I got wise to this as he always seemed fine when I got him home apart from maybe a sniffy nose or similar.

The nursery was also open the week between Christmas and New year for which full fees were charged. We'd still send him in one or two days if we were in leave so we could go to the sales or have a date lunch etc. They didn't like that at all and would try and get us (and other parents) to agree not to send kids in that week so their staff could have time off. But there was no reduced fee for this! Ridiculous to make you pay for a service on the basis it's available and then try to persuade you not to use it!

AntiqueFlowerRing · 04/11/2022 13:46

Haven't experienced this with nursery myself, but it sounds like a right PITA. We did have one minor hoohaa with hours when they forced my DD to have two Covid tests ridiculously close together when she had a temp spike a couple of days after a negative Covid test and they refused to have her back until we did another (that was back when the only option was a PCR). That was the only time that I've rolled my eyes, but I let it go because it was a really difficult/unprecedented time for everyone and I can only image that it was a nightmare working at a nursery during that time.

We used a childminder for DS and she was great BUT I would say that DS had more time off from the setting because of things that were going on in her life, than he did because he was actually ill himself. She also had her own small children and if one of them was ill with something contagious she would have to close. We may have been unlucky but in my experience nursery was more reliable than a childminder, not less.

Scarftown · 04/11/2022 13:48

Exactly this! I could have wrote your post. My DD who is 17 Months has not done a full week for the past 8 weeks.

Skinnermarink · 04/11/2022 13:49

Ah!!! You see a lot of these calls to pick ups happen on a Wednesday- my half day (I don’t work Mondays but I squish 37 hours into the other 3.5 days) sometimes I use the Wednesday afternoon to shop, to clean, to sleep, to get my hair cut.. all the other shit I have zero other time to do, but regardless always pick up DS slightly early. We have to pay a full day as I wouldn’t make it in time for the half day cut off.

I now call them Cursed Wednesdays, as it is almost guaranteed that I’ll get a call then to collect him for some reason or other which will potentially mean he can’t attend the following day.

OP posts:
Skinnermarink · 04/11/2022 13:50

Scarftown · 04/11/2022 13:48

Exactly this! I could have wrote your post. My DD who is 17 Months has not done a full week for the past 8 weeks.

Same. We haven’t achieved a full week since august.

OP posts:
HotCoffee22 · 04/11/2022 13:50

Skinnermarink · 04/11/2022 13:49

Ah!!! You see a lot of these calls to pick ups happen on a Wednesday- my half day (I don’t work Mondays but I squish 37 hours into the other 3.5 days) sometimes I use the Wednesday afternoon to shop, to clean, to sleep, to get my hair cut.. all the other shit I have zero other time to do, but regardless always pick up DS slightly early. We have to pay a full day as I wouldn’t make it in time for the half day cut off.

I now call them Cursed Wednesdays, as it is almost guaranteed that I’ll get a call then to collect him for some reason or other which will potentially mean he can’t attend the following day.

I WFH and I’m getting a lot of “they have a temp”
calls. I’m starting to wonder if they know I’ll drop everything and come…

RedWingBoots · 04/11/2022 13:50

You see a lot of these calls to pick ups happen on a Wednesday- my half day

Tell the nursery you now work on Wednesdays.

NightTerrors · 04/11/2022 13:51

No, although I must say I do think my daughters nursery are very good and if anything they under react (I once picked her up and was told she hadn't been herself all day and they'd taken her temperature which was borderline, but they didn't want to ring me because it was only 30 minutes before pick up but by the time we got her home 10 minutes later her temperature had sky rocketed). But her nursery is also very small so staff ratios are rarely an issue, it does sound like your nursery are taking the mick.

RoseAndGeranium · 04/11/2022 13:51

This is just absurd. Worst I encountered was the nursery refusing to take my son because his sister had hand, foot and mouth disease. Which would have been ok, maybe, if she hadn’t caught it from him, and if I hadn’t already quarantined him as per NHS advice. They insisted he could get it from her again. Completely unscientific.

justasking111 · 04/11/2022 13:52

Our nursery phones part time kids parents in advance asking if they can cancel change the day due to staff absence which is fair. @Skinnermarink your nursery is badly organised

BlessedMess · 04/11/2022 13:54

Yes, I’ve heard of this happening at nurseries. The whole sector is in market failure.

It’s absolutely because they’re over the ratios and they don’t have the staff. It’s likely that it’s not what they want to but what they feel they have to do on a day-to-day basis because otherwise they’re not compliant. Of course, they could have an honest conversation with parents about it instead of what they’re doing…

I suggest you move nursery if you can. If you can’t, be A LOT less available. Maybe your child is a bit more work than some of the less athletic ones, but your job is on the line. Stand firm. Remind yourself they are trading - literally - on your mum guilt.

An alternative would be to make clear to the manager that their problem (and particularly how they are behaving in not really dealing with the issue!) has wiped out your AL and is now putting your job at risk. Suggest they actually go and discuss the issue with parents - they may find that some parents wouldn’t mind a bit of flexibility or could have their children in fewer days temporarily.

If you need a nuclear option then mention complaints to HQ, the Council, Ofsted and follow through.

Good luck!

Xenia · 04/11/2022 13:56

It is one reason we had a daily nanny for ours when little (we had 3 under 4 at one point so that was cheaper than 3 full time nursery places) and my child similarly has a daily nanny. Due to the employer's NI, employee tax and employee NI etc you pay it is much more expensive than it ought to be but does in a sense preserve careers of two full time working parents (if you have someone looking after the baby who is not off sick themselves of course....)

Skinnermarink · 04/11/2022 13:56

Thanks @BlessedMess that’s really good advice.

OP posts:
RoseAndGeranium · 04/11/2022 13:56

Also, definitely do as suggested by other posters and see if they could work with parents of part time attending children to find better solutions. I’d have been fine with swapping my son’s times around as necessary some of the time if it helped.

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/11/2022 13:58

RoseAndGeranium · 04/11/2022 13:51

This is just absurd. Worst I encountered was the nursery refusing to take my son because his sister had hand, foot and mouth disease. Which would have been ok, maybe, if she hadn’t caught it from him, and if I hadn’t already quarantined him as per NHS advice. They insisted he could get it from her again. Completely unscientific.

The NHS doesn't advise quarantine for HFM. It says send the child in as normal as long as they are not too unwell in themselves. The virus is shed for months after recovery so you would have to keep them off a very long time for an effective quarantine

FrustatedAgain · 04/11/2022 14:01

I think this is becoming more of an issue. I've been using our nursery for 7 years and its not the same now. Last week for the first time ever they sent a note saying they weren't going to have enough staff to meet ratios so if you could keep your child home please would you or they'd have to turn some children away. Some people must have offered to keep children home, I have no idea how they would have chosen which children to turn away.

Changerofthename1 · 04/11/2022 14:02

If you’re asked to pick him up ask them to send over a copy of the staff rota and who is on the floor and working at the times you’re being asked to pick him up. It’s a legal document they must have it up-to-date and it must be accurate and you can do the maths and work out for yourself what the problem is and if it’s a frequent, problem report them to Ofsted.

RoseAndGeranium · 04/11/2022 14:02

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/11/2022 13:58

The NHS doesn't advise quarantine for HFM. It says send the child in as normal as long as they are not too unwell in themselves. The virus is shed for months after recovery so you would have to keep them off a very long time for an effective quarantine

NHS website says this:

Staying off school or nursery

Keep your child off school or nursery while they're feeling unwell.

But as soon as they're feeling better, they can go back to school or nursery. There's no need to wait until all the blisters have healed.

So I kept him off till he’d been fever free for 24 hours (actually 48 because he wasn’t in for the second day anyway) and was back to full strength. That’s what I meant.

PetraBP · 04/11/2022 14:02

Nurseries always have their scams going on. This is probably due to staff shortages that mean they wouldn’t have the correct staff to child ratio if randomly audited.

At DD’s it always used to be “we need more nappies/wipes/cream” and we knew that they must have been using DD’s for other kids given the number they were going through.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 04/11/2022 14:03

YANBU my oldest was out of nursery for 80% of the spring term. Their favourite was "he's coughing too much" (he's asthmatic) then I'd get him home and he'd make a miraculous recovery. Changed nursery and he was fine. Either the first one was lying to sort out ratios or their hygiene was shit and causing oddly-shortlived illnesses. It was a bad setting in other ways.