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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Taking aunts offer to buy her house cheaply when my sister wants/needs it more?

295 replies

Anonquestion125 · 03/11/2022 18:03

When my husband and I were at my aunts a couple months ago we talked to her about how we were looking into buying our first house. My aunt after inquiring what our price limit was asked if we would buy her house. Her house is a beautiful five bedroom and was out of our price range. She however said she would sell it to us for far less. Her husband died a couple years ago and she said she had wanted to move back to Scotland and live with her sister, but had only been holding off because she didn’t want to sell her house to strangers.

I have always loved this house and have lots of fond childhood memories of the please, so we had the house inspected and it’s in really good condition. Even after calculating the extra expenses associated a home of this size it’s still a great deal. So we accepted my aunts offer.

My sister found out and she is upset because she knew that I knew she and her husband were also looking into buying a house and that I should have brought the offer to her first since since she has a larger family and a greater need for more space.

This whole situation has been brought to my aunts attention and she has said that my sister can have the house if I say no, but it’s completely up to me and she doesn’t want to get any more involved and refused to talk about it more.

My main thought on why we should have the house is that my aunt had said she didn’t want to sell the house to strangers. Yes, my sister isn’t technically a stranger, but she very rarely ever goes to visit our aunt (maybe twice a year). Meanwhile me, my husband, and our daughter visit my aunt regularly. Usually twice a month. My husband goes by even more often to help her with any heavy duty chores or to fix things.

My sister says that bringing that up is unfair because she doesn’t have as much free time to visit our aunt as she has four kids all under the age of 10 and no help while I only have one and my mother in law helps out a lot with childcare.

OP posts:
Superwash · 03/11/2022 18:06

You would be very wrong to do anything but encourage you aunt to put it on the open market and sell it for what it's worth.

I guess it depends if you want to take advantage of an elderly (?) widow and ruin any relationship with your sister.

Newwardrobe · 03/11/2022 18:06

Personally, I would either let my sister have it or no one has it.

Brigante9 · 03/11/2022 18:06

You buy it, your sister resents you and goes no contact. She buys it and you regret it and wish you hadn't been so altruistic. Buy it, your sister is virtually a stranger to her.

Moltenpink · 03/11/2022 18:06

Ah that’s tricky. It’s maybe best if neither of you buy it Sad

CeciliaMars · 03/11/2022 18:07

I can see why your sister is upset, but she offered it to you first, and you clearly have the closer bond with your aunt. I would hold firm.

OhmygodDont · 03/11/2022 18:08

Nobody gets rich being everyone’s best friend. If she had made the effort with the aunty she would of been offered it first she hasn’t so she hasn’t. End of.

You want to buy and would be stupid to turn down an amazing chance.

M0rT · 03/11/2022 18:09

I just want to point out that you might be liable for higher tax than expected on the price you pay if it is a lot lower than market rate.
I don't know UK law but where I am they charge the tax on the market rate if the purchase price is noticably lower.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/11/2022 18:09

Your aunt offered the house to you. You have a much closer relationship with your aunt than your sister does. You should definitely buy that house. You'd be crazy to pass up this opportunity.

ABJ100 · 03/11/2022 18:09

I would definitely buy it for myself. Your aunt is also probably willing to accept less because of the relationship she has with you. Your greedy sister now wants it without really putting any effort into a relationship with your aunt.

Oaktree1952 · 03/11/2022 18:09

Depends on how much you love and want a relationship with your sister. That's the real value of the house

Cuppasoupmonster · 03/11/2022 18:10

Moltenpink · 03/11/2022 18:06

Ah that’s tricky. It’s maybe best if neither of you buy it Sad

This, plus I’m bemused that she doesn’t want a stranger to buy her house Confused why ever not?!?!

Superwash · 03/11/2022 18:11

OhmygodDont · 03/11/2022 18:08

Nobody gets rich being everyone’s best friend. If she had made the effort with the aunty she would of been offered it first she hasn’t so she hasn’t. End of.

You want to buy and would be stupid to turn down an amazing chance.

Why would anyone want to get rich at the expense of their aunt and their sister?

Floralnomad · 03/11/2022 18:12

Neither should buy it , encourage your aunt to sell at market value .

XanaduKira · 03/11/2022 18:12

OhmygodDont · 03/11/2022 18:08

Nobody gets rich being everyone’s best friend. If she had made the effort with the aunty she would of been offered it first she hasn’t so she hasn’t. End of.

You want to buy and would be stupid to turn down an amazing chance.

I do agree with this. The caveat however is how will you feel if this drives a permanent wedge between you & your sister?

FWIW, I agree with your aunt's approach. She has made a very generous gesture to you in the first instance and therefore you get first refusal and she shouldn't have any hassle / grief from either of you over it. Poor lady though - no good deed goes unpunished!

SkylightSkylight · 03/11/2022 18:21

Superwash · 03/11/2022 18:06

You would be very wrong to do anything but encourage you aunt to put it on the open market and sell it for what it's worth.

I guess it depends if you want to take advantage of an elderly (?) widow and ruin any relationship with your sister.

Her Aunt doesn't want to sell it to strangers

@Anonquestion125 your Aunt offered it to YOU.I know it's not why you were doing it, but you & DH are the ones who visit & help her out, you're the ones with the relationship, not your Sister. She offered it to you.

2 of my God daughters are sisters, they're quite close, I love them both, but I'm much closer to one than the other. Objectively one needs a house more than the other, but it's not the one I'm closest to.

If I was in your Aunts position, I'd offer it to you, if it became a squabble I wouldn't do what your Aunt has, I don't think that's helpful. I'd simply say 'It's my house & I've offered it to OP to buy'.

in your position I'd buy it. Your DS might feel hard done by, but she's incredibly rude to try to get the house 'from you'

Maybe at some time you can't help your sister, if you can afford to. IF you can afford to.

But if you can afford to, take your Aunts offer. I would want to check if she can afford to drop the price as much as she will need to, do you can afford it & maybe sgree to pay her more in say 5 years time if you can remortgage.

you know your aunts situation better than us.

SkylightSkylight · 03/11/2022 18:21

Newwardrobe · 03/11/2022 18:06

Personally, I would either let my sister have it or no one has it.

Why?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 03/11/2022 18:23

I'd buy it

Rainbowandbirdhouse · 03/11/2022 18:24

M0rT · 03/11/2022 18:09

I just want to point out that you might be liable for higher tax than expected on the price you pay if it is a lot lower than market rate.
I don't know UK law but where I am they charge the tax on the market rate if the purchase price is noticably lower.

This.
There may be tax and legal implications that you'll need to carefully check out.
If your aunt needs to pay care home fees in future, or rely on state help, for example, could the fact that she is essentially 'gifting' you the difference in house price now be problematic for her?
I don't know. I"m not a legal expert and not from the UK, but there may be more issues here than you vs your sister. I think you need legal advice.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/11/2022 18:25

That whiny bullshit about "she has four kids and hasn't time to help auntie" would seal it for me. She could have prioritized aunt and chose not to, day by day, all these years. The kid thing is just a feeble excuse. And typical -- it's always somebody else's job to pick up the slack for people like her.

Buy the house and enjoy it. You've earned the right. Let sis shop for her own accommodations.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/11/2022 18:26

Oaktree1952 · 03/11/2022 18:09

Depends on how much you love and want a relationship with your sister. That's the real value of the house

Only if the greedy sister makes a thing of it. She had no right to intervene in the OP's arrangement with the aunt. The arrangement came about because of their ongoing relationship and assistance to the aunt, not merely by being blood relatives.

hesbeingabitofadick · 03/11/2022 18:26

ABJ100 · 03/11/2022 18:09

I would definitely buy it for myself. Your aunt is also probably willing to accept less because of the relationship she has with you. Your greedy sister now wants it without really putting any effort into a relationship with your aunt.

^This.

Your Aunt is being very generous to you because of your relationship with her.

mediumbrownmug · 03/11/2022 18:27

I feel like the offer of your aunt’s house should have been up to your aunt, who chose to offer it only to you without feeling the need to ask your sister first (and she’s obviously aware that you have a sister). I personally wouldn’t have involved my aunt in an issue that’s between you and your sibling, so I wouldn’t have mentioned it at all. Triangulation doesn’t usually solve much. Now your aunt feels obligated to offer it to your sister if you don’t want it, which she may not have been willing to do originally. She may have been planning to sell it for full price if you turned it down. Now it’s a guarantee that if you turn it down she will have to let it go for a reduced rate to someone who is behaving quite badly about it, and I wonder how she feels about that.

There’s really no need to share financial type information (like house buying) with extended family before affairs are settled, as my experience has been that it starts more problems than it solves. But that’s hardly helpful now, as here you are. Were I in your shoes I would make my decision without reference to my sister, because if she’s willing to be angry at you over something she should be happy for you about, it’s just a matter of time before she ruins her relationship with you anyway. If it wasn’t this it would be something else. And it probably will be. Very good luck to you, and congratulations on your planned purchase of a property, whichever property it turns out to be.

Branleuse · 03/11/2022 18:29

Even if your sister would like it, she shouldnt have made this awkward as your aunt offered it to you

ladywithnomanors · 03/11/2022 18:29

Your Aunt should sell at market value. She must know that her offering to sell to you would cause untold problems between you and your sister. It really isn’t worth falling out with family over. Have you thought that there may be conditions attached to the offer? It strikes me as being quite manipulative.

pastabakeonaplate · 03/11/2022 18:29

Check out the position re care home costs and depriving herself of assets or whatever its called and tax ramifications.

She didn't offer it to your sister she offered it to you. You've forced her hand into declaring sister can have it if you don't.

Do you want it? Then go for it. But don't ever invite your sister round.