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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Taking aunts offer to buy her house cheaply when my sister wants/needs it more?

295 replies

Anonquestion125 · 03/11/2022 18:03

When my husband and I were at my aunts a couple months ago we talked to her about how we were looking into buying our first house. My aunt after inquiring what our price limit was asked if we would buy her house. Her house is a beautiful five bedroom and was out of our price range. She however said she would sell it to us for far less. Her husband died a couple years ago and she said she had wanted to move back to Scotland and live with her sister, but had only been holding off because she didn’t want to sell her house to strangers.

I have always loved this house and have lots of fond childhood memories of the please, so we had the house inspected and it’s in really good condition. Even after calculating the extra expenses associated a home of this size it’s still a great deal. So we accepted my aunts offer.

My sister found out and she is upset because she knew that I knew she and her husband were also looking into buying a house and that I should have brought the offer to her first since since she has a larger family and a greater need for more space.

This whole situation has been brought to my aunts attention and she has said that my sister can have the house if I say no, but it’s completely up to me and she doesn’t want to get any more involved and refused to talk about it more.

My main thought on why we should have the house is that my aunt had said she didn’t want to sell the house to strangers. Yes, my sister isn’t technically a stranger, but she very rarely ever goes to visit our aunt (maybe twice a year). Meanwhile me, my husband, and our daughter visit my aunt regularly. Usually twice a month. My husband goes by even more often to help her with any heavy duty chores or to fix things.

My sister says that bringing that up is unfair because she doesn’t have as much free time to visit our aunt as she has four kids all under the age of 10 and no help while I only have one and my mother in law helps out a lot with childcare.

OP posts:
pastabakeonaplate · 03/11/2022 18:30

ladywithnomanors · 03/11/2022 18:29

Your Aunt should sell at market value. She must know that her offering to sell to you would cause untold problems between you and your sister. It really isn’t worth falling out with family over. Have you thought that there may be conditions attached to the offer? It strikes me as being quite manipulative.

It seems to me Aunt is pleased to have continued a relationship with OP and trusts the house to go to someone who regards it fondly.

Superwash · 03/11/2022 18:31

SkylightSkylight · 03/11/2022 18:21

Her Aunt doesn't want to sell it to strangers

@Anonquestion125 your Aunt offered it to YOU.I know it's not why you were doing it, but you & DH are the ones who visit & help her out, you're the ones with the relationship, not your Sister. She offered it to you.

2 of my God daughters are sisters, they're quite close, I love them both, but I'm much closer to one than the other. Objectively one needs a house more than the other, but it's not the one I'm closest to.

If I was in your Aunts position, I'd offer it to you, if it became a squabble I wouldn't do what your Aunt has, I don't think that's helpful. I'd simply say 'It's my house & I've offered it to OP to buy'.

in your position I'd buy it. Your DS might feel hard done by, but she's incredibly rude to try to get the house 'from you'

Maybe at some time you can't help your sister, if you can afford to. IF you can afford to.

But if you can afford to, take your Aunts offer. I would want to check if she can afford to drop the price as much as she will need to, do you can afford it & maybe sgree to pay her more in say 5 years time if you can remortgage.

you know your aunts situation better than us.

The Aunt's saying she doesn't want to sell to strangers but really what difference will it make to her if she's in Scotland? Rather than biting her arm off, OP should be rationalising that for her IMO. I don't suppose the OP plans to leave the house exactly as it is forever.

Georgyporky · 03/11/2022 18:33

I'd buy it without a second thought.
The sister is a CF, & doesn't deserve any consideration.

Willyoujustbequiet · 03/11/2022 18:33

A house or a sister. That's what your choice is.

Follow your gut.

StripeyMow · 03/11/2022 18:34

I feel for you, you’re in an awful position. I wouldn’t want to hurt my sister, but she shouldn’t want to hurt you either! It is because of your relationship with your aunt that you have been given such a fantastic opportunity, in this current market you’d be a fool not to take it and your sister should understand that.

I do hope you are not exploiting your aunt’s kindness though and she will also benefit from this transaction.

ilkleymoorbartat · 03/11/2022 18:35

Sell at market value and see if aunt will split the difference between what she was going to sell it for? Then you could give some to your sister?

MRex · 03/11/2022 18:36

Get the house valued (but ask for low-ball, you might need that anyway if it were seen as deprivation of assets) and give your sister 50% of the benefit, but you buy the house.

PurplePixies · 03/11/2022 18:36

So you're happy to rip your own Aunt off to get on the property ladder. Shame on you!

You should be helping her to sell it for the best offer she can get rather than being greedy. What happens if she needs to go into a care home when she's older and doesn't have enough money for a decent one?

Will you pay the difference or will you conveniently forget about her?

serenaisaknobhead · 03/11/2022 18:37

Your sister should've made the effort with your aunt.

Your aunt offered it to you.

Personally I would go for it - good luck!

Newwardrobe · 03/11/2022 18:37

SkylightSkylight · 03/11/2022 18:21

Why?

I said personally because my sister and I are very close and if her need was greater than mine I would feel bad for her .

ManefesationofConciousness · 03/11/2022 18:37

Your aunt needs independent legal advice including deprivation of assets and the implication of IHT on death

Schoolchoicesucks · 03/11/2022 18:40

So many questions.

How much of a discount is your aunt offering you? Have you checked out any inheritance tax or stamp duty issues this can cause? How far through the process are you? Was there a reason for not mentioning it to your sister? Do either of you want to live in the house if it weren't for it being such a bargain?

I agree with the pp - neither of you should get it, the aunt should sell for market price and if she wishes to, gift some money to you and your sister. But it sounds as though she doesn't want to see it lived in by a stranger so that doesn't work for her. Is she otherwise happy to stay in the house?

TomTraubertsBlues · 03/11/2022 18:40

Floralnomad · 03/11/2022 18:12

Neither should buy it , encourage your aunt to sell at market value .

I agree. If the aunt wants to give a generous gift, she can then split cash between the 2 sisters.

With a gift of this magnitude, it is really shitty of her to offer to one, knowing that the other also needs a leg up. She's really made it obvious who her favourite is, hasn't she? She can't have been oblivious to the discord she has sown.

Macaroni1924 · 03/11/2022 18:41

Personally I’d buy it but then I know for a fact my brother would never grudge me such an amazing offer and I wouldn’t him. Offers like these don’t come around often and sometimes you need to be selfish. Think of yourself and your family.

Schoolchoicesucks · 03/11/2022 18:41

MRex · 03/11/2022 18:36

Get the house valued (but ask for low-ball, you might need that anyway if it were seen as deprivation of assets) and give your sister 50% of the benefit, but you buy the house.

This is a good suggestion

WhiskeyMakesMeFrisky · 03/11/2022 18:42

How did your sister find out about a private arrangement between you and your aunt?

TomTraubertsBlues · 03/11/2022 18:42

MRex · 03/11/2022 18:36

Get the house valued (but ask for low-ball, you might need that anyway if it were seen as deprivation of assets) and give your sister 50% of the benefit, but you buy the house.

This would also be fair, providing the genuine market value was used - not a proper low ball.

Jedsnewstar · 03/11/2022 18:43

Your aunt clearly wants you to have it.

saraclara · 03/11/2022 18:45

Schoolchoicesucks · 03/11/2022 18:41

This is a good suggestion

Yes. It's pretty much the only compromise open to you.

I do feel sorry for the aunt though. She should never have been told about your sister kicking off. She's going to feel terrible now.

And yes, having four children IS going to make it a lot harder to be visiting relatives regularly. But did DSis show auntieaffection, call her regularly or anything else that she did have time to do?

hauntedvagina · 03/11/2022 18:45

All the posters saying sell at market value / on open market - aunt has said she doesn't want it going to strangers.

Buy the house.

If this house had been left to you in a will, would your sister expect you to sell it and give half to her? It's essentially an early inheritance. Accept your aunts generous offer and buy it.

Dacquoise · 03/11/2022 18:46

Superwash · 03/11/2022 18:06

You would be very wrong to do anything but encourage you aunt to put it on the open market and sell it for what it's worth.

I guess it depends if you want to take advantage of an elderly (?) widow and ruin any relationship with your sister.

How about you put it on the open market, sell it and split the difference between you and your sister on the saving you would have made if you'd bought it? This seems a toxic situation to be put in for all parties involved.

ManefesationofConciousness · 03/11/2022 18:47

hauntedvagina · 03/11/2022 18:45

All the posters saying sell at market value / on open market - aunt has said she doesn't want it going to strangers.

Buy the house.

If this house had been left to you in a will, would your sister expect you to sell it and give half to her? It's essentially an early inheritance. Accept your aunts generous offer and buy it.

And if she puts that as a condition of sale in a covenant then the house is massively devalued.

GrumpyPanda · 03/11/2022 18:47

TomTraubertsBlues · 03/11/2022 18:40

I agree. If the aunt wants to give a generous gift, she can then split cash between the 2 sisters.

With a gift of this magnitude, it is really shitty of her to offer to one, knowing that the other also needs a leg up. She's really made it obvious who her favourite is, hasn't she? She can't have been oblivious to the discord she has sown.

It's not the aunt playing favorites. It's the fact the aunt has a close relationship with OP, who's been visiting her and helping her over the years, rather than with OP'S entitled cow of a sister who couldn't be bothered with aunt until it came to getting money out of her.

CarefreeMe · 03/11/2022 18:47

The perfect solution would be that neither of you have the house but that’s not what your aunt wants.

I don’t think it’s fair that she is getting pushed out because she’s much busier than you and doesn’t get to see her aunt very often.

It also sounds like you’ve had your eye on this house for a long time which is why you’ve been making so much effort and it’s a bit shitty of you to give your aunt so much less than market value, knowing that she doesn’t want to sell to strangers.

I do think you are taking advantage of your aunt but I don’t see why you’d sister should automatically get it either.

Pinkcadillac · 03/11/2022 18:48

What happens if you need to move for work reasons? Does your aunt realise that you could be selling the house to a stranger in a years' time for its full market value?