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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Taking aunts offer to buy her house cheaply when my sister wants/needs it more?

295 replies

Anonquestion125 · 03/11/2022 18:03

When my husband and I were at my aunts a couple months ago we talked to her about how we were looking into buying our first house. My aunt after inquiring what our price limit was asked if we would buy her house. Her house is a beautiful five bedroom and was out of our price range. She however said she would sell it to us for far less. Her husband died a couple years ago and she said she had wanted to move back to Scotland and live with her sister, but had only been holding off because she didn’t want to sell her house to strangers.

I have always loved this house and have lots of fond childhood memories of the please, so we had the house inspected and it’s in really good condition. Even after calculating the extra expenses associated a home of this size it’s still a great deal. So we accepted my aunts offer.

My sister found out and she is upset because she knew that I knew she and her husband were also looking into buying a house and that I should have brought the offer to her first since since she has a larger family and a greater need for more space.

This whole situation has been brought to my aunts attention and she has said that my sister can have the house if I say no, but it’s completely up to me and she doesn’t want to get any more involved and refused to talk about it more.

My main thought on why we should have the house is that my aunt had said she didn’t want to sell the house to strangers. Yes, my sister isn’t technically a stranger, but she very rarely ever goes to visit our aunt (maybe twice a year). Meanwhile me, my husband, and our daughter visit my aunt regularly. Usually twice a month. My husband goes by even more often to help her with any heavy duty chores or to fix things.

My sister says that bringing that up is unfair because she doesn’t have as much free time to visit our aunt as she has four kids all under the age of 10 and no help while I only have one and my mother in law helps out a lot with childcare.

OP posts:
PurpleButterflyWings · 03/11/2022 22:12

There's a lot of very demeaning and sneery remarks about the OP's sister having 4 children, like she is somehow a lesser person for having more children. Mumsnet at its finest eh? Hmm

Anyway, @Anonquestion125 I am kind of on your side as you seem much closer with your aunt, and there must be a reason she offered it to you. But as several posters have said, this transaction could cause problems in the (not too distant) future. Deprivation of assets could very well be an issue for your aunt, (if she needs care in a few years,) when it comes to light she has sold her expensive 5 bed house for peanuts to a niece. And it will!!! There are so many things to take into account here.

Also, although I don't think your sister should have the house just because she has more children, I do wonder why on earth a couple with ONE child needs a 5-bedroom house! I would never go for something that big. The energy bills will be horrific, and so will maintenance and repair bills.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/11/2022 22:19

No one is slagging off the sister for having four kids, but rather for using her kids as a) an excuse to not develop a relationship with the aunt, b) as an excuse for needing to usurp OP's good fortunate and c) as an excuse for "deserving" a larger house more than OP does. All of which are absurd, self-serving positions.

Lots of people like a spacious home; it need not be crammed full to be enjoyed. I know several childfree couples who have four-beds, using two as offices and one as a guest room, in addition to their own suite. I also know a couple who has a three-bed and one room is for the sole use of their cat. No one need justify his/her preferences.

fruktsoda · 03/11/2022 22:21

I'd take the house. You and your husband have invested far more effort into your aunt, and that's probably why she made the offer to you. Your sister's having more children/less time sounds like an excuse to me, but even if not, so what?

Life isn't fair. Having a larger family has many benefits as well as negative consequences. She loves her children, surely, and she'll have more children (and probably grandchildren) to hopefully help her as she ages. This (supposedly not having enough time to visit your aunt) is simply one of the less wonderful aspects of having those children.

amicissimma · 03/11/2022 22:23

You sister has chosen to sour this situation. How was your relationship before that she felt it OK to raise the issue?

It seems that there are now 3 possible results:

  1. You let your sister have it, possibly leaving you feeling resentful, as time goes by, if not immediately. Imagine she does things to it you hate, or your aunt hates, or worse, she promptly sells it at market value - to a stranger - and pockets the profit. You won't be able to stop her. Then how will you feel? How will your aunt feel?

  2. Neither of you gets it. But your aunt would like you to have it - she offered it to you. She's less concerned about getting the full value and more concerned that it stays in the family. We don't know her as you do, but do you have any reason to believe she's not of sound mind? If you do, you should probably reconsider, maybe after getting an opinion from someone not involved who knows her.

  3. You accept your aunt's offer. You live in the house. You, hopefully, invite her to stay and enjoy it from time to time. You can consult her on decorating choices and any improvements and what you're doing with the garden, so she keeps a link to her old home. Provided you can resist the temptation to feel bad about your sister's situation, you'll be happy and your aunt will be happy.

The legal ramifications may not be relevant. Capital Gains Tax isn't an issue if it's her (or, later, your) only residence. IHT may only be an issue if the value of her whole estate is greater than the allowance for her and her husband added together. If she lives for 7 years after the transaction, the house drops out of her estate anyway. Stamp duty is paid by the buyer - you - and you would be wise to consult a solicitor to check what are the implications of buying an undervalued property.

The question of deprivation of assets may not arise. If the aunt will have enough money with her capital, income and the value of her new property to pay for all the care she needs, then there's no issue. If that's not the case you and she would need to look into the situation in Scotland. If there's no reason to believe that she will need care, maybe for decades, then the LA is unlikely to rule that she has deliberately deprived herself of assets to avoid paying for care.

amicissimma · 03/11/2022 22:24

Sorry about the random spacing - it wasn't like that when I posted!

fruktsoda · 03/11/2022 22:26

My home has more bedrooms than we "need" for sleeping, children, or guests. We use each of them nearly every day. They don't stand empty, gathering dust.

Our energy bills are not astronomical, either.

saraclara · 03/11/2022 22:35

This is another long, contentious, sibling money/will/house thread where the OP never comes back. I think we're wasting our time

WindyHedges · 04/11/2022 03:04

or worse, she promptly sells it at market value - to a stranger - and pockets the profit.

@Anonquestion125 could very easily do this.

WhosafraidofVirginiaWoolf · 04/11/2022 03:53

Well if you are happy ripping off your Aunt and destroying your relationship with your Sister, go for it. 🙄

EstellaRijnveld · 04/11/2022 04:49

Best thing is for your aunt to sell it on the open market and minimise the epic family feud that’s brewing.

howdoyougethingsdone · 04/11/2022 05:04

You may pull out because you don't want to upset your sister and then she buys it and upsets you!

User112 · 04/11/2022 05:11

It’s your aunt’s home. After she moves to Scotland, if she misses the place and wants to visit for a few days every now and then, who would she feel more comfortable with? You or your sister?
If you decide to take up the house, please make sure you continue supporting your aunt as much as you can in return for her generosity.

Take up the offer. Don’t pass it on to your sister.

Aprilx · 04/11/2022 05:16

M0rT · 03/11/2022 18:09

I just want to point out that you might be liable for higher tax than expected on the price you pay if it is a lot lower than market rate.
I don't know UK law but where I am they charge the tax on the market rate if the purchase price is noticably lower.

The only tax that the OP is liable for upon the purchase of a house is stamp duty and this will be levied on the price paid regardless of market value and no matter that the parties are connected. I do not see how the OP would personally become liable for any further taxes.

But if it were (or has been in the past) a second property of the aunt, there would be a Capital Gains tax implication as the market value would be used in any calculation not actual sale price. This would though be a liability of the aunt, not OP but in any case it doesn’t sound like it was a second property.

There also could be IHT implications if aunt should expire within the next seven years, in that this would be counted as a gift and tax levied on the estate accordingly, note this would be for the net estate to pay not the OP.

Also should aunt need residential care in the future this could be seen as a deprivation of assets.

Mamai90 · 04/11/2022 05:17

I think YABU. Your sister has valid reasons why she can't visit your aunt, she's on her own with four kids? If you value your relationship with your sister don't even go there. I think you need to agree that neither of you gets the house.

I have a really tight bond with my sister but if she did this to me I'd feel betrayed, because I wouldn't do it to her.

I think it will either be the house or your relationship with your sister. It depends on which is more important to you but there's no way in hell I'd chose bricks and mortar over my sister.

Aprilx · 04/11/2022 05:18

My opinion is that it is very low to take advantage of an older woman like this. Anyone with decency would tell her it doesn’t matter who lives in it in the future and encourage her to put on the open market.

runjy · 04/11/2022 05:19

I would definitely buy it for myself. Your aunt is also probably willing to accept less because of the relationship she has with you. Your greedy sister now wants it without really putting any effort into a relationship with your aunt.

No wonder people on here have such difficult family relations. How is the sister any more greedy than the OP?

runjy · 04/11/2022 05:22

Your Aunt should sell at market value. She must know that her offering to sell to you would cause untold problems between you and your sister. It really isn’t worth falling out with family over.

That's my take

runjy · 04/11/2022 05:26

It's the fact the aunt has a close relationship with OP, who's been visiting her and helping her over the years, rather than with OP'S entitled cow of a sister who couldn't be bothered with aunt until it came to getting money out of her.

Is this projection? Why are you calling someone you never met or don't know an entitled cow? 😆

runjy · 04/11/2022 05:40

Why can no one take responsibility for their own lives anymore. There is always an expectation that the sensible sibling that lives to their means has to support the reckless one. Unbelievable.

Err, why is the OP the sensible one? because she only has 1dc so isn't reckless? The OP can't afford the house without the discount & had a dc before buying a house which is generally a big no no on here!

runjy · 04/11/2022 05:47

It could be stupid of me but if my parents left their house to my sister too, I wouldn’t resent her either, she is the one getting their shopping, taking them to the doctors and helping them regularly. I live too far away to support them as she does so, I think she has earned the right.

DH does more for his parents simply because we live very close. Anything left to DH & his siblings will be divided equally which we all think is fair. DH is the oldest & house prices weren't so prohibitive when he bought whereas his siblings can't afford to stay local. Just because his siblings live further away & can't be there as much doesn't mean they deserve less does it?

WindyHedges · 04/11/2022 06:17

Why can no one take responsibility for their own lives anymore.

So is that why the OP can’t afford to buy a house, except by a gift from her aunt? (The substantial discount IS a gift in kind and worth cash).

mycatisannoying · 04/11/2022 06:25

Why would you need a 5 bed house when you have only one child?
Buy it if you want, but I'm not sure I could ever feel good about it.

whumpthereitis · 04/11/2022 07:43

runjy · 04/11/2022 05:19

I would definitely buy it for myself. Your aunt is also probably willing to accept less because of the relationship she has with you. Your greedy sister now wants it without really putting any effort into a relationship with your aunt.

No wonder people on here have such difficult family relations. How is the sister any more greedy than the OP?

Because the aunt offered the house to OP at a discounted rate, presumably because she’s happy to do so.

The sister however has tried to muscle in on the agreement because she thinks she’s entitled to it based on the amount of children she has.

OP received an offer, the sister demanded.

whumpthereitis · 04/11/2022 07:45

mycatisannoying · 04/11/2022 06:25

Why would you need a 5 bed house when you have only one child?
Buy it if you want, but I'm not sure I could ever feel good about it.

Why wouldn’t she? They’re rooms, they don’t actually have to act as bedrooms. Some people like more space, regardless of how many kids they have.

JustLyra · 04/11/2022 08:20

Given the last couple of years and how many more people now work from home why are so many people baffled by the ideal of a couple with a child being able to make good use of a house with 5 rooms?