BF just slammed the door on me for suggesting an overnight break.

[tiredsack]

I'm so tired.

I suggested to my partner that we go on a 1-2 night stay somewhere local.That way we can travel back quickly/easily if we need to. Not a big holiday, just an overnight break.

This would be on me.

My bf screamed at me, insulted me and slammed the door in my face.

That's not normal is it? I come from such a fucked up background it's hard to know sometimes.

All of the finances are on me. All of the cleaning is on me. I cook but only a few times a week because I don't trust the state he leaves the kitchen in. If I sound like Mrs. Bucket - I'm not. It's made both of us ill multiple times and he acknowledges this. He gets really angry if I don't cook lunch for him.

I'm making plans to leave. I'm only here because I know he wouldn't cope without me. It wasn't always like this. I just find it hard to know why someone can have an offer of a trip away and flip like that.

He knew I was upset and came in to explain why he doesn't want to go. He feels unwell and tired.

That's fine. That's an answer.

No thank you - maybe another time. Fine.

I'm sick of being made to feel like a monster when I just try to be nice.

Whose name is the house and bills in? If its yours kick him out if its his leave

I get its not easy but you really need to make yourself safe now

I clicked unreasonable.......... because you are mad to stay with this useless abuser.

What exactly is he adding to your life?

Seriously, get a life.

And read Women Who Love Too Much.

Some people asked why he wouldn't cope. I honestly think he just would not. I don't say that to him, obviously. It's the worry that keeps me here.

Very sad to read this. Please do look for some professional therapy as other PPs have suggested. Learn that you do matter and what you think and feel matters and that you don't have to care for others.

Here you are worrying about him, but he is happy to scream in your face and not give a shit about how upsetting and stressful it would be for you. You care about him coping on his own, yet he doesn't care about you at all. You need to stop caring about him whatsoever, after all, he is an adult and responsible for himself. You need to start caring about you and put yourself into a place where you can be happy and relaxed. You can't fix him and you don't have to! He is not your problem.

Please give yourself permission to leave and to not to care any more! Keep your money aside and use it for a deposit somewhere. Do you have a friend or family member you could go to as a short-term measure? Hopefully someone who could help you move your things when he is out. You don't owe him anything, not even an explanation.
Good luck

Get out, fast.

Just let go of caring how he'll manage without you. That's up to him.

Does he work, does he pay towards the bills and food. If it is your property and he is not named on the mortgage he has no right to be there. Tell him to leave, if he gets abusive call the police.

I'm only here because I know he wouldn't cope without me.

My very best wishes for finding the strength to leave. I wish I had not taken so long to get away.

Looking back though, I realise that I was trapped as much by my own thoughts as anything real.

The best news is that this kind always, always move on pretty quickly once they realise that you are no longer available for them to leech off. You will be amazed just his fast he moved on. I promise. Just get him (or yourself, whatever) out without a backward glance.

Don't let yourself be trapped wording how he will cope without you. Think of the safety announcement on board an aeroplane - see to your own oxygen mask first before you help anyone else.

All the best.

This is not the time for excuses OP.
Get out now things will get worse, believe me.
I speak from experience.

I'm making plans to leave. I'm only here because I know he wouldn't cope without me

Unless you are his mother he coped perfectly fine without you for most of his life

What are you doing in your plan to leave. Is the tenancy in joint names and you need that to end before you can leave.

In the meantime don’t spend a penny on anything that he has the benefit of.
I know it is hard to do but start stashing away as much money as you can. If you can don’t even swap gifts at Christmas or give him a very cheap gift?
Why can’t he make his own lunch?
If he is that incapable then he needs to move back in with his mother and learn to feed himself.

I wouldn’t tell him anything about leaving or give any indications about terminating the tenancy and I would keep your finances under lock and key.

You both sound like a head case in a quite toxic relationship. You're making plans to leave him but suggest him a two day overnight break? Mind boggles.

You say you want to go on a break locally so you can leave early if you feel ill. Why would you feel ill? Does he often tell you he feels ill when you go out? Do you often feel ill? Why does his cooking make you unwell? In all of the strangeness of wanting to take on holiday someone who behaves so appallingly, this seems extra odd!

Whether he can cope or not you have to realise it isn’t your problem unless you choose it to be.

You have to look after yourself first , middle and last.
No one else in this world will.

I understand about having a traumatic background. You don’t know which way is up and end up taking a lot of shit just because you have been raised to think people dumping all their troubles on you is normal. People shouting at you that they need you to do something for them is what you are used to.

This isn’t about him being incapable. This is him controlling you. Micro managing your every moment so you are there to look after him,

What happens if you want to go out for the day. Do you have to leave him a packed lunch or come back to cook for him

Get out of this relationship fast. Move away and become untraceable.

He will survive. You don't need him or his awful behaviour.

He slammed the door on YOU?

Brilliant! Go and have a nice night at your local Prem Inn. Leave him to sort his shit out in the morning. You are not going back to this.

This, totally.

The whole relationship is totally bonkers!

He gets really angry if I don't cook lunch for him.
My bf screamed at me, insulted me and slammed the door in my face.
All of the finances are on me. All of the cleaning is on me.

All these are wrong. I’d bet he probably does far more that’s wrong.
You’re worth far more than this.

You both sound like a head case in a quite toxic relationship. You're making plans to leave him but suggest him a two day overnight break?
Mind boggles

That’s what I don’t understand.

Why are you planning a short break to be intimate and make new memories with a man you’re about to tell you’re leaving him for good.

I'm only here because I know he wouldn't cope without me

^^^absolutely not your issue

In think you would benefit from therapy, as there's a lot to unpick. You're in a relationship, where you're treated like a skivvy.

It’s over

Not sure if you have kids, but you 100% need to get out. Why wouldn't he want to go away?! Whatever the reason it doesn't warrant that response.

So what if he can’t cope without you absolute man child leave this fucker he will soon find another victim

He would cope without you, he's not a child. You deserve so much better.

Omg please leave him as soon as you possibly can. He will be absolutely fine, he will go down to the pub and start looking for his next girlfriend, he'll probably move in with someone else by the end of the week. Anyway, a grown man is not your responsibility and whatever you do please do not get pregnant by him.

Dont go worrying about him, think about yourself. He sounds like a right monster. This happened to a family member of mine. She was far too worried about how he would cope without no money, and not being looked after by her. She finally saw the light when he turned physical.So glad she dumped the freeloading abusive t**t.

I'm only here because I know he wouldn't cope without me.

How is that your problem? Stop sacrificing your own wellbeing for a man who treats you so badly.