BF just slammed the door on me for suggesting an overnight break.

[tiredsack]

I'm so tired.

I suggested to my partner that we go on a 1-2 night stay somewhere local.That way we can travel back quickly/easily if we need to. Not a big holiday, just an overnight break.

This would be on me.

My bf screamed at me, insulted me and slammed the door in my face.

That's not normal is it? I come from such a fucked up background it's hard to know sometimes.

All of the finances are on me. All of the cleaning is on me. I cook but only a few times a week because I don't trust the state he leaves the kitchen in. If I sound like Mrs. Bucket - I'm not. It's made both of us ill multiple times and he acknowledges this. He gets really angry if I don't cook lunch for him.

I'm making plans to leave. I'm only here because I know he wouldn't cope without me. It wasn't always like this. I just find it hard to know why someone can have an offer of a trip away and flip like that.

He knew I was upset and came in to explain why he doesn't want to go. He feels unwell and tired.

That's fine. That's an answer.

No thank you - maybe another time. Fine.

I'm sick of being made to feel like a monster when I just try to be nice.

Get out of there! This is abuse and it will
only get worse. Please save yourself

**cope not coke

Please just go. Before it's too late.

Why did you offer to pay for a break when you're making plans to leave?

I don't mean that in a victim blaming way. I'm asking why you feel obliged to keep spending money on a dead relationship and why you think you're obliged to sacrifice yourself at his altar. You say he wouldn't cope without you, but he's not coping now and you two will destroy each other in this awful relationship.

Don't make self-sacrificing excuses to stay because it's easier. There is no prize for it. There's just more lost time and misery. It doesn't make you a better person.

And don't go on holiday with him. Save your money to escape

He’s not worried he wouldn’t cope without you, so why are you worried?!

If he was worried, he wouldn’t scream at you and slam doors in your face.

He’d be nice to you. You know, like a normal person.

In 20 years, my DH has never screamed at me, or slammed a door in my face. If I were to list the things he does do for me (our family), it would take too long, and ultimately not be helpful.

Suffice to say, you deserve a lot, lot better than this awful man.

He is guilt tripping you into looking after him. That isn’t relationship quality behaviour, and nor is it attractive.

it’s time to up and leave. He will be fine, he might call you and say otherwise and be prepared for this, even block any known numbers he might use.

but trust me, he knows exactly what he is doing and is doing it to control you!

Do you have children together? If not please just leave (even if you do have kids...)

@Blueeyedgirl21 With the quickness both of us are tired. We've not been anywhere since pre-covid so I thought that would be a way to slowly start getting into the world again. There's no family on either side so I figured if one or both of us feels ill then it would just be a taxi home, also the rail disruption at the moment etc.

It's fine that he doesn't want to go, and I didn't push, it's the huge reaction.

He can cope fine without you.
You're not his slave or his saviour.
Why are you doing this to yourself?

Please value yourself more OP, you are worthwhile as a person and don't deserve to be treated so horribly.

Relationships are supposed to be beneficial for you both. Does he make you feel better in your life, or is he draining the good feelings away? You'll be better off without him dragging you down imo.

Op, you need to just leave or you will spend the rest of your life being treated as a doormat and verbally or even physically abused.

You pay for everything

You clean everything

You cook everything

He brings literally nothing to the relationship and screams at you for suggesting a break away.

You need to end this. He will have to cope on his own and if he doesn't, it won't be your problem.

Get out or get him out. This isn't a healthy relationship, and you deserve so much better this.

Whether he can cope without you or not - that's not your problem. He is not your underaged child. He is an adult. If he can't cope, he'll find ways around it. He coped before you were n his life, he'll do it again.

In the meantime - what about YOU. Your future, your happiness, your right to be treated well, your right to be in a relationship where things are fair, your right to be out of one that is not. You are throwing away time you won't ever get back. Get your things in order, and go find a new life that suits you.

He'd cope, you just think he wouldn't. He isn't your responsibility. He's a prick. You deserve better.

He would totally cope without you and if he doesn't then so be it, you're not his Mother.

Get out while you can.

You pay for everything and he treats you like shit.
You say you are making plans to leave but you're wanting to take him on a mini break.

He is an arse and you're taking it because you think he won't cope without you as his cash paying out emotional punchbag.

I'm sorry but nice is not the right word for what you are. You need to find your anger and chuck this cocklodger the fuck out of your life.

You deserve so much better.

I don't even know you and I know you deserve better.

If you use a super soaker on kittens, moon nuns and like marmite you still deserve better!

This doesn't sound any fun for you any more.
You are not married, so you have no ongoing commitment to him.
You don't have to cook him lunch.
You don't have to pay for everything.
You don't have to put up with abuse.
He's not your problem.
Send him back to his Mum.

He doesn’t sound very sexy at all.

You are in an abusive relationship. You are being abused. Please contact women's aid.

Why do you need to plan to leave? What is stopping you from going now?

Leave asap

@ReneBumsWombats a lot to think about there. I guess I've always lived this way although I am trying to change. The other day I thought about how I used to beg my DM to leave my DF, I had a job and I said I would pay for things and keep going to school, she refused but she still woke me up a night saying she was going to die from stress.

Sorry if that's a bit much, but that's where my personality comes from. It is martyr/rescuer stuff. I don't know what a normal person is, to be honest.

So to me, a trip away even when stuff is grim is kind of normal.

You need to leave him asap. This is abusive and FAR from a normal loving relationship.

He'll find some other mug with low standards, in the blink of an eye. They always do.

OP, is it your home? Can you just kick him out? Don't waste more of your life this way.

Ok so he may not cope without you at first but he’d learn. You’re not his mother you’re his girlfriend.
His reaction tells you he doesn’t want to do nice things with you. Believe him and find someone that does.