BF just slammed the door on me for suggesting an overnight break.

[tiredsack]

I'm so tired.

I suggested to my partner that we go on a 1-2 night stay somewhere local.That way we can travel back quickly/easily if we need to. Not a big holiday, just an overnight break.

This would be on me.

My bf screamed at me, insulted me and slammed the door in my face.

That's not normal is it? I come from such a fucked up background it's hard to know sometimes.

All of the finances are on me. All of the cleaning is on me. I cook but only a few times a week because I don't trust the state he leaves the kitchen in. If I sound like Mrs. Bucket - I'm not. It's made both of us ill multiple times and he acknowledges this. He gets really angry if I don't cook lunch for him.

I'm making plans to leave. I'm only here because I know he wouldn't cope without me. It wasn't always like this. I just find it hard to know why someone can have an offer of a trip away and flip like that.

He knew I was upset and came in to explain why he doesn't want to go. He feels unwell and tired.

That's fine. That's an answer.

No thank you - maybe another time. Fine.

I'm sick of being made to feel like a monster when I just try to be nice.

Carry on with your plans to leave.
This sounds like a 'coffin nail' to me - when I started to wise up in my abusive marriage, I started to realise what these moments were, almost like it had to be affirmed to me so many times before I could admit that's what it was, and these coffin nails were the death knells.

I'm only here because I know he wouldn't cope without me.

This sentence is completely unreasonable.

If your home is in your name get some friends to help you kick him out, get a locksmith to change the locks immediately, and change your mobile number. If he dares to come near you call the police and get in touch with Women's Aid.

If your home isn't in your name then find somewhere to go, pack as much of your stuff as possible and leave when he has gone out.

@IncompleteSenten I'll remember that. Also, you're very funny!

Go away by yourself. Get some space and think about whether you want to spend the rest of your life stuck with this abusive piece of shit.

Exactly.

He coped before you, he’ll cope after you.

LTB
It will only get worse and you deserve to be treated better.

Please don't worry about him. He will cope just fine.

Is he worrying about your and your welfare? Nope.

Can you reach out to Women's Aid?

And do you respect her for being a martyr? Do you think it showed her strong morals and strength of character? Did it make her a better person?

Or was it a way of avoiding gathering the strength to leave while telling herself she was doing the moral thing...and causing nothing but misery?

@Twillow I hope you're happy now.

I'm sorry if I am frustrating to people but you get told you're awful so many times you start to think you must be.

He absolutely would cope without you. You need to stop thinking like this. Otherwise he will abuse you for years and you will feel tied to him. Please set yourself free.

It’s not your job to fix or rescue him, or anybody for that matter.

He coped before he met you; he’ll cope without you. If he doesn’t, not your problem. But he will; this is part of the script of abusive men.

Tell him its over and book yourself a nice spa weekend away

This sounds like my experience with parents! I know exactly what you mean - if you rock the boat all hell breaks loose. But you are worth much more than this. Make your plans and leave when you can/ feel it’s right to. Good luck and 🤗

LTB

Sorry @tiredsack what do you mean ‘with the quickness we are both tired?’

@ReneBumsWombats I get what you're saying. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. No I don't respect that, but I always felt sorry for her. I need to get that out of my mentality somehow.

Seriously you need to spend that time and money on yourself. Contact woman’s aid and learn why you do the things you do. Use your energy to mark you happy.

He is not your responsibility.

Please leave.

He will cope. He'll have to. This is not your problem to figure out for him.

Some people asked why he wouldn't cope. I honestly think he just would not. I don't say that to him, obviously. It's the worry that keeps me here.

This is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read. Trust me, the man child will be perfectly fine without you. Stop being the maker of your own misery.

"I'm only here because I know he wouldn't cope without me."
Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn't. Either way, it's no reason to stay in a relationship that is grinding you down and making you ill. You are not responsible for this man, he is responsible for himself.

"He gets really angry if I don't cook lunch for him."
This is not normal behaviour. Very controlling of him - cooking lunch ensures that you can never be far from him because in the middle of the day you have to be present.

"I'm making plans to leave."
Prioritise those plans over EVERYTHING else. Seriously. 100% effort. You need to be free of this.

Well you can do more than pity the person this time. You can actually get out.

That's not normal. Whatever the plan is to leave, speed it up, you'll be much better off.
I stayed years longer than I should of. I also knew ex wouldn't cope without me. He's not coping. Guess how many shits I give?
Me and the little one are coping though. So, so much better without the dead weight.

I’m struggling to understand why you would suggest going on a mini break (an paying for it) with a man you’re planning to leave but yes just leave him ASAP!

Oh and don't offer any more gifts. He's literally throwing it in your face. Cook until you leave so as not to provoke him and keep yourself safe. Speak with women's aid or a local DV charity if you haven't already. Best of luck!