To want SD’s to share a room?

[jopejob511]

DS is almost 20 and in his 2nd year of uni. He struggled during the first year but managed to get through it. This year, he's been struggling but agreed to stay and I went to visit him a few times. A few days ago was the anniversary of his dads death (12 years ago, not recently but obviously it's still affected him) which seems to have hit him hard as expected. He called me last night crying saying he wants to come home so I agreed at the weekend ill go and get him.

The issue is his room, he sleeps in it when he's here but when away SD(12) sleeps in it as she doesn't want to share with her sister (7), they come here every other week and stay for the week. The issue is they're also coming this Sunday. DP has said I'm BU for wanting them to share and DS is almost 20 so if he can't cope in uni he should find somewhere else to stay, for example a hotel. I've told him I don't expect him to do that as this is his home we then argued about how this is also SD’s home etc.

Was I bu?

EOW princesses too.

id be rethinking a lot myself if this happened to me, damned straight.

That is his bedroom. His bedroom in his home. He gets first dibs on sleeping in it. Obviously whilst he is away at uni then his step sister can sleep in it. He is coming home, it is his room, he gets to sleep in it and the step sisters will have to share.

If your Dh says otherwise then he needs to facilitate a larger house where everyone has their own bedroom when your son is home for holidays or visits. My eldest is at uni, he knows that he is welcome to come home at any point (this weekend actually) and that when he finishes uni his room is his as long as he needs it. This is his home. Same for Ds2. They have their own rooms, roughly the same size.

It's not going to kill them for a week. Is he worried it could stir up trouble with his ex?

It's obviously not on for your 20 year old to be treated this unkindly, so be firm about that with him. The girls should be able to understand he's feeling sad on the anniversary of his Dad's death and needs a bit of peace and quiet - explain that to them.

Erm... no... For context DH and I have two DDs and he also has a DD from a previous. We have a three bedroom house. DSD doesn't stay over anymore, so each DD has her 'own' bedroom. If DSD were to stay, my older DD is very aware that she would move back in with my younger one for the duration.

I've always been very clear that there will always be a bed for each of our children should they want/need it, and there's no way that will be changing!

@jopejob511 so you’re getting your son this weekend and he’s staying for the weekend l, going back for Monday? So the dsds wont have to share for any longer than a day?

your dp is being ridiculous. They might not even mind if it’s only for a day or so.

He is suggesting a hotel for your son?? That is absolutely ridiculous, of course your step daughters should share.

Reading that is very upsetting so I can only imagine how you are feeling.

I know what I'd be considering and it would free up several bedrooms.

They are there every other week. Half the time. EOW usually refers to every other weekend. It’s their permanent home, in exactly the same way as their other home is.

Regardless, these are two little girls and their only “crime” is that one has expressed that she’d rather not share a room with her sister. The OP doesn’t even say she’s been specifically asked to on this occasion. Calling them “princesses” is just downright nasty. The responses on this thread are so weird.

YANBU your husband is being an ass. I used to get kicked out of my room when my brother was home. It was his room before he went to uni. Didn't bother me that's what families do make room to accommodate everyone. She has a bed in her sisters room she can sleep in.

Your an is a university student. He hasn’t fully moved out of your home yet and should still have a place there. It can be the smallest room, but he should still have a room.

Whose house is it?

Your dp is totally unreasonable. Tough, the girls will have to share. I understand they have a room each when your ds isn't there, but he hasn't moved out, he's just at uni. What did they do before he went to uni? Tell your dp he can go and stay in a bloody hotel with them next week! Arsehole.

YANBU. I'd tell your husband that the alternative is that you and him give up your bedroom for your DS and you take the sofa and he gets the floor.

He’s not a husband.

This!

i wouldn’t want to be with someone who quite simply thought his children out rank my child.

hence never entertaining a blended family set up

The issue is they're also coming this Sunday. DP has said I'm BU for wanting them to share and DS is almost 20 so if he can't cope in uni he should find somewhere else to stay, for example a hotel.

Id be telling any partner to fuck off

Your dp needs to realise that he is in a blended family and that your ds is not homeless but that you all live in a family home and have to get along - sometimes shunting up to make room for others but tat when his DDS need more attention then the same respect and thoughtfulness will be returned

I've been with DP for 4.5 years, it's my house. DP and DS aren't close and during summer he called DS disrespectful on multiple occasions for not speaking to him or SDs, and when I asked him if he wanted to go out places with us (bowling, theme parks etc) he said no which DP also said was disrespectful for not spending time with us.

DS has the biggest room and when he went to uni, he complained about the space being empty as one of his DD’s could've had it, so I led the eldest and during holidays she goes back to sharing, she isn't that bothered about this but DP says its unfair as 7yo shares with a step sibling at home so she doesn't have her own space.

DS is coming home at the weekend and is going to see how he feels before going back on Monday and if he doesn't feel he can, he'll stay for longer.

I got the impression from OP's post that her Ds is leaving uni and coming home to live (forgive me of I have misread this). Not that it actually makes a difference - of course he should have his room until he has decided what he wants to do.
The idea of sending a struggling, unhappy, possibly depressed young man to stay in a hotel when he has a home, and clearly needs to be with and talk things through with his Mum, is just horrible.

Can you not give the girls the bigger room?

It's a tough one. But, ultimately, your DS should always have his room when he needs it. Your DP's suggestion of a hotel is unhelpful, even nasty. Perhaps HE should be in a hotel for the weekend?

If he's got a problem, tell him to take himself and his kids to a hotel.

I've been with DP for 4.5 years, it's my house. DP and DS aren't close and during summer he called DS disrespectful

Your DP isn’t coming out of this well. I’d be carefully considering if I wanted him to live in my house at all.

Could you have a relationship with him without living together, it's your house why share it.

So it's your son's family home? Your DP is a CF.

ASk him what would he do if his daughter's mum passed away and in a few years time they wanted to come home to him but you said "No they are an adult and need to get a hotel".

I can't believe how heartless he is being.

Thanks for clarifying that it's your house, and that this relationship is relatively new (i.e. your son lived with you, and not with your partner, until he was well into his teens).

as it is your house, I think your partner is being a complete dick about this. But I also think it sounds like he behaves like a complete dick towards your son generally (why on earth should a young adult man be told he's 'disrespectful' for not wanting to go to a bloody theme park with his mother's partner's much younger daughters?)

I would very seriously consider asking your partner to live elsewhere for the foreseeable future. He has no right to treat you, your son, or your home like this.

YADNBU.
Beyond callous of your ‘D’ P
chuck him back.