To want SD’s to share a room?

[jopejob511]

DS is almost 20 and in his 2nd year of uni. He struggled during the first year but managed to get through it. This year, he's been struggling but agreed to stay and I went to visit him a few times. A few days ago was the anniversary of his dads death (12 years ago, not recently but obviously it's still affected him) which seems to have hit him hard as expected. He called me last night crying saying he wants to come home so I agreed at the weekend ill go and get him.

The issue is his room, he sleeps in it when he's here but when away SD(12) sleeps in it as she doesn't want to share with her sister (7), they come here every other week and stay for the week. The issue is they're also coming this Sunday. DP has said I'm BU for wanting them to share and DS is almost 20 so if he can't cope in uni he should find somewhere else to stay, for example a hotel. I've told him I don't expect him to do that as this is his home we then argued about how this is also SD’s home etc.

Was I bu?

Your DP is a twat.
it’s your home, and your DS’s home; I’d tell your not so “D” P that if he didn’t like the situation then he could just fuck off and find somewhere else for him and his DDs to stay-he can “find a hotel” and stay there permanently. Cheeky fucker.

@ivykaty44 it's the OP's house

Clymene. SEE POST BELOW YOURS, I HAVE SEARCHED FOR CLARIFICATION ON THIS AND CAN'T FIND THE POST

My mum used to say "It's family - family squash up to make room for family"

Doubling up from time to time is fine and it sounds like your DS needs some space and time - he can hardly share with his step sisters so this is the best solution. They'll be fine for a weekend and your DP should back you up given the situation.

You think she should charitably award her and her son's house to the boyfriend who moved in? Why?

I'm really angry on your Son's behalf OP so you should be absolutely raging and kick the twat out.

toomuchlaundry I did look for this, as I said in the post above yours

@ivykaty44

@ivykaty44 @Puppers and anyone else who can't seem to find the OP's second post

Rather than hitting the CAPS LOCK button, try clicking on 'see all' on the OP's posts. She's posted literally twice on this thread. There are TWO POSTS and it's in the first sentence of the second one.

jopejob511 · Today 13:43
I've been with DP for 4.5 years, it's my house. DP and DS aren't close and during summer he called DS disrespectful on multiple occasions for not speaking to him or SDs, and when I asked him if he wanted to go out places with us (bowling, theme parks etc) he said no which DP also said was disrespectful for not spending time with us.

You think she should charitably award her and her son's house to the boyfriend who moved in? Why?

read it in context to the other part of the post

@ivykaty44 just click the See all OP's post button and it there in her second post.

Indeed!

because it's their home too?
because they are now used to a room each?
because nobody reasonable would want them to feel "pushed out"?

Obviously it would be lovely if the girls volunteered to share for the weekend, especially given their stepbrother's upset. But the opportunity to "creatively persuade" them both to do so has now been taken away from OP, as her partner has high-handedly already told them they need do no such thing.

I wouldn't be countering that because of the fallout & bad feeling it would create for ALL the DC. But I'd be having a good hard look at my relationship if my partner informed me that my own child needs to stay in a hotel because his DC take precedence. He sounds like a callous arsehole.

You've successfully derailed the thread now by apparently insisting that reading two posts by the OP is too much work.

Now it's been established by about 20 people that it's her house, maybe you should stop suggesting that she randomly gives it away to her boyfriend and makes herself and her son homeless?

BloodAndFire I pressed see all and one post came up - just one, not other posts

Must be something wrong with your computer then because everyone else can read it. Do you really need to keep derailing?

So it's your house, that your DS grew up in until you entered a new relationship when he was around 16 and eventually moved in your DP and his two daughters (who aren't with you full-time)?

Given those circumstances, I'd be making very sure to manage your DSDs' expectations by re-emphasising to them that one room is theirs to share and "belongs" to both of them equally. They may not like sharing, but sometimes that's life. The other room is and always has been your DS's. If he is happy to let his mum's partner's daughter (because that's what she is - you're not married, so she's not his step-sister) borrow it for a bit of extra space when he's not at home, that's fine. But the room is his.

If your DP wants his daughters to have their own rooms to use whenever they want to, decorate to their own taste etc, then he needs to provide a house with enough bedrooms in it himself.

Do you pay the mortgage yourself btw, or does DP contribute to that?

Your DP sounds like an entitled cocklodger.

Your first priority at the moment is making sure your son is safe and supported. everything else is secondary to that.

you sound like a nice mum who is being bullied and browbeaten by her partner.

You need to believe in yourself. You know what the right thing to do is, and you are more than capable of doing this. Step up for your boy. Get him home to your house.

you can deal with your twat of a DP later.

Remember you are good parent. Your job is to protect and care for your boy. Go do it!

Yep. The two brats need to suck it up and share. I feel so sad for you, a 20yr breaking down to his mum Over his dad's loss isn't a small thing. You need to fight your dp over this and make sure your ds comes home. Pack them off to a hotel if he is so bloody bothered.

There are not enough rooms, so someone has to share. Your DS could share with you 2, or SD... or oh hang on, neither of those options sound viable. He gets his own room.

Your DP is being incredibly U!

He's a student, staying in university during term time, he still lives at home! He's not moved out, he just temporarily stays away! Even if there weren't all the added issues of your son struggling the hotel suggestion is ridiculous, let alone when he needs to be at home for the support. This is his room, his step sister uses it when he isn't there (which is fair, no point the space sitting empty all the time), but whenever he is it's his room!

Arguably it could be fairer to give the girls the bigger room so there's an overall equal share of space. Your son would and absolutely should still have his own room which is his, but is they were all regular siblings (no step) I think this would be the normal way to do things. However this is something to be discussed with the whole family in the (near) future. For this weekend when you're son is struggling he just needs to be home, in his room where he's used to, with no upheaval and to be supported.

Also your DP is being very U to call your som disrespectful for politely turning down invited to family days out. He's 20, of course he's not interested in the same things as a 7 and 12 year old girl (and as MN loves to say, it's an invite, not a summons). If your 'D'P wants family days out it needs to be something for everyone. Your DP needs to make some serious effort with your son and if he can't I think you need to reconsider having him as your P. You and your son are a package.

If your DP wants his daughters to have their own rooms to use whenever they want to, decorate to their own taste etc, then he needs to provide a house with enough bedrooms in it himself.

This.

Where was your partner living before he met and moved in with you?

I wonder if someone could interpret the abbreviations for me in the very first post? I have no idea what they mean!

Brilliant that it's your home!! Kick the lot of them out. It's your ds home before any one else's.