To want SD’s to share a room?

[jopejob511]

DS is almost 20 and in his 2nd year of uni. He struggled during the first year but managed to get through it. This year, he's been struggling but agreed to stay and I went to visit him a few times. A few days ago was the anniversary of his dads death (12 years ago, not recently but obviously it's still affected him) which seems to have hit him hard as expected. He called me last night crying saying he wants to come home so I agreed at the weekend ill go and get him.

The issue is his room, he sleeps in it when he's here but when away SD(12) sleeps in it as she doesn't want to share with her sister (7), they come here every other week and stay for the week. The issue is they're also coming this Sunday. DP has said I'm BU for wanting them to share and DS is almost 20 so if he can't cope in uni he should find somewhere else to stay, for example a hotel. I've told him I don't expect him to do that as this is his home we then argued about how this is also SD’s home etc.

Was I bu?

Your dp can get a hotel with his dd's. A long term booking imo.
What a cunt.

one of the most notable things about posts from people (mostly women) who have relationships once they already have children is how willing they are to put their children into awful situations just so they can continue to live with a man. I find it truly shocking.

The issue is his room, he sleeps in it when he's here but when away SD(12) sleeps in it as she doesn't want to share with her sister (7), they come here every other week and stay for the week. For this week it seems clear-cut: he's NOT away, so she can't sleep in his room and has to sleep in the shared room unless there's another space in the house she'd prefer. What would happen if he were home from uni for the summer, for Christmas hols, etc? I'd think this would be the same logic.

DP has said I'm BU for wanting them to share ... I've told him I don't expect him to do that as this is his home we then argued about how this is also SD’s home etc. If they're too old to share or the room is too small, that's another issue. It sounds like your partner has 50/50 cutody if they're with you for the week every other week. Did they live there while your son was there full time, so always sharing? Is there a reason they mind sharing now? Possibly you need a larger house (I know that's not a practical solution).

DS is almost 20 so if he can't cope in uni he should find somewhere else to stay, for example a hotel. There are people who practice this type of "parenting" - out the door at 18 and fend for themselves - but it would be unreasonable for him to impose his beliefs on you even if he were your son's father. Completely unreasonable in this case!!

I would be explaining to 12 yr old that her step brother is sad about his father's death and that he needs his own space. I would think the SD might have more compassion than her father and accept sharing temporarily.

There are two bedrooms and three children.

I'm not suggesting the OP forces one of the girls to sleep in the living room, just that if they really hate sharing a room, they might prefer that option as a one-off? I know I'd have seen it as a treat at that age!

The son needs support from his family and some quiet time - not the sound of his stepsisters kicking off because they hate being in the same bedroom. Given the OP's DP's attitude, I imagine his daughters are not going to accept sharing kindly.

Just seems the path of least resistance...

What happened before he went to Uni? Didn't they share then? And what about summer holidays?

I'm not suggesting the OP forces one of the girls to sleep in the living room, just that if they really hate sharing a room, they might prefer that option as a one-off? I know I'd have seen it as a treat at that age!

They come every other week for a week at a time. That's not a one off.

My DC are same ages both boys and absolutely share a room when they have to. There is no reason why DS should not come and stay as a guest. Your DP sounds horrible that he won't support you on this. What happens when you have other guests?

Put your foot down. Your ds needs to feel welcome.

DS will have to come home in holidays and after uni. I bet your dp will want this for his dds when they go to uni.

Why doesn’t your boyfriend provide his own housing for his kids when he has them? Instead of trying to make it someone elses problem. Any reason why you moved this bloke in to your (?) house?

Obviously prioritise your family over a boyfriend.

I would also kick the DP out in favour of my son.

He wants to exclude one family member from the home so as not to mildly inconvenience another? Of course YANBU.

Perhaps he doesn't understand that parenting doesn't end at 18?

Your ds is struggling and needs his home. If your 12yo DSD really has a problem with her 7yo sister, put the 7yo on a blow up mattress in the room with you and DP. Or get the DSDs room partitioned.

Sharing a room is annoying for the girls but gives them both accommodation, a room per girl leaves your DS without a place to sleep in the family home. He has arranged specially to come home because he's having a difficult time, so staying elsewhere defeats the object a bit.

Call me an optimist, but the OP's DS making an unscheduled visit home because it's the anniversary of his father's death and he's not coping is unlikely to happen every week. This is a crisis, not a a regular situation, and compromises should be made to support him.

It was only a suggestion. Whether the two girls share, or one takes the living room is not the main point. The point is, the DS needs his own room, because he's having a difficult time, and needs to be able to retreat to a safe space and close the door.

YANBU. Please give your DS the home he needs right now.

Yeah, I’m not usually one to jump on the ‘DTB’ bandwagon but in this situation he’d be gone. What a heartless man.

DS comes first, he’s going through a lot and needs his home and his mum. It doesn’t matter that he’s 20!

I hope he feels better, OP. 💐

Your "D"H is BU, move the girls back into one room

What have I just read? DP can fuck right off,
he’s your son.

Because if its your house, tell him pack his bags.

Your poor son.

The death of a parent hits the young very hard when times are tough.

Your poor boy lost him at 8.

Jesus, this is just to read.

Have you had a child with this piece of work you brought into his life?

If not, do the right thing and tell him to take himself and HIS children and pay for a hotel for them.

Your poor son.

Is he abusive towards You and your son in other ways op?

Oh and YANBU, obviously.

Your DS should have his room whenever he is there.

If the daughters are there and he isn't there they should have a room each.

If all three are there the girls should share and your son should have his own room.

Is there a backstory here, OP?

Because that doesn't sound like a very caring person let alone a stepfather ...

The girls do need to share. I’m assuming their room is the bigger one?

How on earth did your step daughter end up using your son's room in the first place? Was your son asked about this in advance?