Do I need to curb my DDs enthusiasm for Brownies?

[LovesLovesLovesBrownies]

DD is 8 and a girlguide. A Brownie at the moment but she did Rainbows before and will most likely do Guides after.

Just had an argument with my dad over it and don’t know whether I am UR or not.

I never did hobbies or interests outside of school, dad said they were too expensive and where for posh people who just want to leave parenting to others. I begged to do scouts or guides or DOE Award or anything at all but was always told no.

He says now DD is a Brownie I need to seriously think about “reigning her in” and curb her enthusiasm for it. This is because she puts herself forward for all events outside of meetings and me and ExH have only told her once or twice that she can’t do them. Apparently, this is spoiling her, isn’t teaching her anything and pushing her away from us.

DD absolutely loves Brownies, is very self-motivated, wants to do Interest Badges in every spare minute - she did all 12 Interest Badges at Rainbows and has already done 8 out of 18 for Brownies. She already has Brownie Bronze (after getting Rainbow Bronze and Silver) and will most likely get Silver at Christmas. I knew when I signed her up that she would have to commit to occasional events outside of meetings but I wanted her to do it. She does all her school work including homework and is well behaved at school, so I see no reason to stop it.

I pay for everything to do with it have never asked for help from family or ExH, although ExH bought her another tshirt when she started Brownies as he wanted her to have the long sleeve one for winter. ExH also takes DD to any events that fall on his weekend but I always offer to take her myself and repay contact but he never wants that.

There’s 3 events between now and Christmas and DD wants to do all of them, there was no reason to stop her. 2 are free so no extra costs involved as we can walk to them and the 3rd which falls on ExHs weekend I covered the cost of. There’s usually 3-4 events per quarter apart from in Late Spring/Summer where they all fall in May and June bar 1 in August (which is completely optional and is the only one I’ve ever said no to, ExH said no to an event once as they had a family wedding that day and DD was fine with it, didn't sulk and enjoyed the wedding).

DD is extremely grateful, always says thank you and when I changed my job recently very politely asked if there was enough money to pay for Brownies still as she didn’t mind going without Christmas or Birthday presents if there wasn’t (there was).

Dad still insists she’s spoilt. Especially as she does 2 sports as well, but she’s not as enthusiastic about those and would choose Brownies over those anyday and has done, when events like competitions or matches have clashed she’s chosen Brownies over the sport(s). Dad also says that there’s no point in encouraging it as she can’t do it as an adult, I pointed out leaders/volunteers but he said not everyone can do that and she won’t “get badges” for doing it. He also says hobbies take away family time and he can't see ExPILs "putting up" with it much longer as they only get to see DD on ExHs weekends - ExH did hobbies (he's an only child) so I doubt they're against them. He says my mum also gets annoyed about it as she then can't see us at weekends - my parents are 15 years divorced and rarely talk also my mum comes to "watch" DD in her parades/events if they're open to the public as does Ex-MIL.

So WIBU?

Vote:
YABU – You’re dads right, stop DD doing Brownies
YANBU – You’re right, let DD carry on

Is this even a real thing? No wonder he’s a ex

She'll go far.

A young man I know through a sport club has remarkable maturity and organisational skills and adds huge value to the club. His scouting experience shines through. And I'm not even a big scout/guide person. I've just been so taken aback by what he has handled and he'll say "Oh, I've had to do such and such with scouts".

Bloody hell, I would be delighted DD wants to have a cheap hobby, it’s not like she’s asked to take up competitive horse riding with her own pony and trailer FFS.

your dad sounds a tight miserable git.

Re-read your post - you know what the answer is.
And, while you are there, have a think as to why you need approval from your dad, or are even giving his comments consideration, and why you need confirmation from a bunch of strangers from the internet.

Yes she won’t be a brownie when she is an adult 🤦‍♀️ but she will have memories, experiences, skills, knowledge, friends, self belief and will know her Mum had her interests at heart when Mum ignored silly Grandad.

I think your Dad likes to have girls and women where they belong. Which is at their station.

Wow, 927 votes

100% Yanbu.

What a foul, miserable, fun-sucking excuse for a human being. And he's utterly wrong in every way.

Activities like Brownies are brilliant at creating well-rounded people and the benefits can last a lifetime. It's amazing to watch children grow and develop through their time there and they get such a rich range of experience that goes beyond what they can do in school.

I always threw myself into extra-curricular opportunities and some of them I still benefit from now like mastering some skills for DoE that I'd otherwise have never learned and would always have missed out on. As an adult, volunteering with groups like Brownies helps fill an awkward gap on my CV for the SAHM years. And I have a blanket full of badges.

It sounds like he's either got a giant chip on his shoulder or there's some nasty underlying trait going on for him to have such a deeply ingrained negative attitude to yourself and his grand-child.

Is this a real story? It is just bizarre. At first I thought you were just venting about your father's very strange ideas, but all the detail makes me think you genuinely are asking. It sounds like your father has completely skewed your perception of normal. What do you do at weekends and school holidays? You don't stay home most weekends for fear of 'spoiling' do you? I hope not.

Wow nearly 1000 votes and they're unanimous!

Your Dad is negligent at best, abusive at worst, with a massive chip on his shoulder to boot. Why on earth would he think hobbies are posh? Is it something from his own upbringing?

I still get badges after 34 years. Although now a Danish girl guide.

wow, not often you see a unanimous result on AIBU.

case closed m'lud.

I think this is also probably true.

Your daughter sounds wonderful and will really benefit from all the Brownies has to offer. Brownies and Guides shaped my life and made me strong, resilient and gave me interpersonal skills and friends that have stayed with me all my life. Please ignore your controlling dad, he's wrong.

Spot on. Miserable git.

Your dad sounds incredibly controlling and I wouldn’t listen to a word he says.

My kids all have hobbies outside of school which take over our weekends, but they love it, we love getting involved and their grandparents love watching and massively celebrate their successes with them.
The amount of extra related skills, life skills and friendships they’ve have gained is so valuable. Plus as they get older and move through school / college / uni, these things will only benefit them. I can’t think of a single downside to them doing their hobbies.

Keep her in and allow her to do all the extras if she’s loving it.

Your dad has had the opportunity to bring his children up, tell him to mind his own business and let you raise your own child.

He is a cheeky fucker.

@AlbertaAnnie it's the op's dad who says she should rein her dd in, not her exh!

I’m glad that you and your ex are both supporting your daughter with her various hobbies. I feel sad for you that you didn’t get to enjoy similar at her age. She sounds grateful and a credit to you.

Your father is being absolutely bizarre. It's just such a weird thing to object to- Brownies is fun, gets them outside being active, and is a nice social activity. It's exactly the sort of thing that any sane and loving parent/grandparent would be delighted if their child really got into. She'll be learning lots from the experience and frankly, even if she learnt absolutely nothing, it's such an unhealthy mindset to think that there's something wrong with doing things just for pure enjoyment! Does he never do anything that doesn't attain some kind of lofty goal?!?!

Ignore him.

Your dd sounds like a delightful child - it's wonderful to see kids this age get enthused about things. I'm sure she'll go far. And the idea of stopping her seems a bit potty

It's lovely that your DD is so keen! Your Dad should butt out, it's none of his business. I feel so sad that you were desperate to do activities and he said no. Imo, it is nothing to do with being spoilt, it enables them to work in a team, lead a team at times, show commitment to something.

I really lent heavily on DS to keep up with cubs at times when he wasn't enjoying it and I'm so glad i did as he loves it now and it is so great that they get to do lots of different activities and learn different things. It has also given him an opportunity to lead his 6 and helped his confidence loads.

Very, very long post. I did read all of it and it reminded me of a friend of mine whose Dad likes to control everything and thinks that boys are better than girls. She's had years and years of this sort of thing since she was a very young girl.
It has totally screwed her perception on things and she talks in exactly the same way as you - in a very long-winded way, justifying every tiny detail of whatever it is that Dad has most recently commented on.
It's awful.

YANBU. He has made you doubt yourself over many years of this kind of behaviour.
I think it's great that your DD loves Brownies. It's completely normal. If you wants to do all the interest badges and all the events - great!
One of those interest badges might be in something that she develops a life long passion for. And even if it doesn't, the very act of working towards the badge teaches self-discipline and perseverance.

Ignore Dad. Tell him to butt out.

If your child was roaming the streets, shoplifting, smoking, stealing cars then I’d say rein her in pronto. But as she’s learning to work in a team, take responsibility, come up with ideas, be creative, socialise, care about other people…..why would you want to change that??? You and exh seem to manage the activities and uniform between you and your DD is happy. Why on earth would your dad want to make her miserable?

I didn't even read past the first paragraph. Your dad needs to butt out and you carry on parenting your own child how you see fit. It's completely none of his business!

Bonkers. He gets his miserable git badge. You get to be the parent - do as you think best for your daughter, and ignore your dad on this.