Do I need to curb my DDs enthusiasm for Brownies?

[LovesLovesLovesBrownies]

DD is 8 and a girlguide. A Brownie at the moment but she did Rainbows before and will most likely do Guides after.

Just had an argument with my dad over it and don’t know whether I am UR or not.

I never did hobbies or interests outside of school, dad said they were too expensive and where for posh people who just want to leave parenting to others. I begged to do scouts or guides or DOE Award or anything at all but was always told no.

He says now DD is a Brownie I need to seriously think about “reigning her in” and curb her enthusiasm for it. This is because she puts herself forward for all events outside of meetings and me and ExH have only told her once or twice that she can’t do them. Apparently, this is spoiling her, isn’t teaching her anything and pushing her away from us.

DD absolutely loves Brownies, is very self-motivated, wants to do Interest Badges in every spare minute - she did all 12 Interest Badges at Rainbows and has already done 8 out of 18 for Brownies. She already has Brownie Bronze (after getting Rainbow Bronze and Silver) and will most likely get Silver at Christmas. I knew when I signed her up that she would have to commit to occasional events outside of meetings but I wanted her to do it. She does all her school work including homework and is well behaved at school, so I see no reason to stop it.

I pay for everything to do with it have never asked for help from family or ExH, although ExH bought her another tshirt when she started Brownies as he wanted her to have the long sleeve one for winter. ExH also takes DD to any events that fall on his weekend but I always offer to take her myself and repay contact but he never wants that.

There’s 3 events between now and Christmas and DD wants to do all of them, there was no reason to stop her. 2 are free so no extra costs involved as we can walk to them and the 3rd which falls on ExHs weekend I covered the cost of. There’s usually 3-4 events per quarter apart from in Late Spring/Summer where they all fall in May and June bar 1 in August (which is completely optional and is the only one I’ve ever said no to, ExH said no to an event once as they had a family wedding that day and DD was fine with it, didn't sulk and enjoyed the wedding).

DD is extremely grateful, always says thank you and when I changed my job recently very politely asked if there was enough money to pay for Brownies still as she didn’t mind going without Christmas or Birthday presents if there wasn’t (there was).

Dad still insists she’s spoilt. Especially as she does 2 sports as well, but she’s not as enthusiastic about those and would choose Brownies over those anyday and has done, when events like competitions or matches have clashed she’s chosen Brownies over the sport(s). Dad also says that there’s no point in encouraging it as she can’t do it as an adult, I pointed out leaders/volunteers but he said not everyone can do that and she won’t “get badges” for doing it. He also says hobbies take away family time and he can't see ExPILs "putting up" with it much longer as they only get to see DD on ExHs weekends - ExH did hobbies (he's an only child) so I doubt they're against them. He says my mum also gets annoyed about it as she then can't see us at weekends - my parents are 15 years divorced and rarely talk also my mum comes to "watch" DD in her parades/events if they're open to the public as does Ex-MIL.

So WIBU?

Vote:
YABU – You’re dads right, stop DD doing Brownies
YANBU – You’re right, let DD carry on

Your dad has really done a number on you OP. This is your DD doing a perfectly reasonable hobby, yet you're doubting yourself and typing out a long post justifying a decision that doesn't need it. Also interesting the emphasis you give to not causing your ex inconvenience.
Sounds to me like you've been brought up to think that nothing you do should be against the advice of, or cause any inconvenience to, a man.
You need to shake off the influence of your controlling and unreasonable father. Trust yourself and your decisions and keep on supporting your DD to develop her confidence.

OP - just so you don't feel alone my DH had a similar upbringing. He was only allowed to learn to swim because it was a life skill but all other hobbies etc were forbidden for similar reasons you've stated. He now wants to give our DC all the hobbies and extra curricular activities available!

Don't allow your father's weirdness take away from the enjoyment your daughter must get from Brownies. I went all the way through the guiding movement and absolutely loved my experience and gained many life skills particularly around independence which I was desperate for as a teen. I have always found them to be an exceptionally inclusive organisation who really want the best for their girls.

I was a guider for two decades and YANBU. Guiding teaches them so much in terms of teamwork, leadership skills, confidence and independence.

Who in earth has voted that you are being unreasonable! Is your Dad on here?!

Your Dad sounds odd. It’s great that she enjoys Brownies!

Why do you care so much about what your Dad thinks? It's fuck all to do with him

Tell him to wind his neck in, miserable old bugger.

I voted YABU because you are to give one tiny tiny jot about what your dad thinks about such a trivial thing. You’re a grown woman OP. Tell your dad to butt out.

I'm afraid your dad sounds like a bit of a dick to me, I'm sorry you had to grow up with that

Carry on doing what you're doing for your daughter, she sounds great.

It enriches her life makes her more confident and is great for social interaction. All other family members are happy to get involved so not taking family time away if he doesn't like it it’s tough tell him you felt your upbringing was lacking and you want better for your child but thanks for his opinion you won’t be taking his advice this time.

How bloody miserable!

My lot have done Scouting and I've always had the view that they've joined so they join in with everything, if possible. And they've always wanted to. They've done loads of camps, hikes, fayres etc. it's been great for them, they've learned such a lot, and got a lot of independence from it too.

Good for your DD to be so into it, long may it continue.

Ignore your dad, it has absolutely nothing to do with him. I think to annoy him even more you should join as a leader.

Is Young Leader fairly new? I did Brownies and Guides, then continued into Rangers. Are they still going?

I was a Young Leader in the 90s/00s. No Rangers nearby. I can't remember what it was called though, it might not have been YL.

Our Cubs YL is off to Korea next year for the World Jamboree. That is expensive (especially as his brother also got selected!). He fully intends on being a Scout Leader when he's 18.

It's great she's found something she enjoys so much. And the lovely thing about Guiding/Scouts is that the kids get to try so many different activities/events.

Not new at all. I was a YL back when I was a teenage (I'm 40+ now).

Just popping on to commend you OP for the way you are parenting your daughter to enjoy an enriching life and to develop a growth mindset - in particular in the face of how you yourself were parented.

My experience is that it’s only on having my own child that I’ve realised just how awful my own parents are/were in some respects.

Just read your second post about how your dad was like “don’t want to come to fayre” and then ranted.

Honestly, in some cases, the older people get, the more self-centred they become.

What the actual fuck has it got to do with him?? ? This is nuts OP. Your daughter sounds completely normal. These are escompletely normal activities. I'd suggest deflecting with a 'yeh, whatever' if he goes off on one.

i wish your DD was in my unit - her enthusiasm and commitment makes the endless hours of volunteering worthwhile.

Your daughter sounds absolutely fantastic. Your father on the other hand sounds unhinged and very very selfish.