Do I need to curb my DDs enthusiasm for Brownies?

[LovesLovesLovesBrownies]

DD is 8 and a girlguide. A Brownie at the moment but she did Rainbows before and will most likely do Guides after.

Just had an argument with my dad over it and don’t know whether I am UR or not.

I never did hobbies or interests outside of school, dad said they were too expensive and where for posh people who just want to leave parenting to others. I begged to do scouts or guides or DOE Award or anything at all but was always told no.

He says now DD is a Brownie I need to seriously think about “reigning her in” and curb her enthusiasm for it. This is because she puts herself forward for all events outside of meetings and me and ExH have only told her once or twice that she can’t do them. Apparently, this is spoiling her, isn’t teaching her anything and pushing her away from us.

DD absolutely loves Brownies, is very self-motivated, wants to do Interest Badges in every spare minute - she did all 12 Interest Badges at Rainbows and has already done 8 out of 18 for Brownies. She already has Brownie Bronze (after getting Rainbow Bronze and Silver) and will most likely get Silver at Christmas. I knew when I signed her up that she would have to commit to occasional events outside of meetings but I wanted her to do it. She does all her school work including homework and is well behaved at school, so I see no reason to stop it.

I pay for everything to do with it have never asked for help from family or ExH, although ExH bought her another tshirt when she started Brownies as he wanted her to have the long sleeve one for winter. ExH also takes DD to any events that fall on his weekend but I always offer to take her myself and repay contact but he never wants that.

There’s 3 events between now and Christmas and DD wants to do all of them, there was no reason to stop her. 2 are free so no extra costs involved as we can walk to them and the 3rd which falls on ExHs weekend I covered the cost of. There’s usually 3-4 events per quarter apart from in Late Spring/Summer where they all fall in May and June bar 1 in August (which is completely optional and is the only one I’ve ever said no to, ExH said no to an event once as they had a family wedding that day and DD was fine with it, didn't sulk and enjoyed the wedding).

DD is extremely grateful, always says thank you and when I changed my job recently very politely asked if there was enough money to pay for Brownies still as she didn’t mind going without Christmas or Birthday presents if there wasn’t (there was).

Dad still insists she’s spoilt. Especially as she does 2 sports as well, but she’s not as enthusiastic about those and would choose Brownies over those anyday and has done, when events like competitions or matches have clashed she’s chosen Brownies over the sport(s). Dad also says that there’s no point in encouraging it as she can’t do it as an adult, I pointed out leaders/volunteers but he said not everyone can do that and she won’t “get badges” for doing it. He also says hobbies take away family time and he can't see ExPILs "putting up" with it much longer as they only get to see DD on ExHs weekends - ExH did hobbies (he's an only child) so I doubt they're against them. He says my mum also gets annoyed about it as she then can't see us at weekends - my parents are 15 years divorced and rarely talk also my mum comes to "watch" DD in her parades/events if they're open to the public as does Ex-MIL.

So WIBU?

Vote:
YABU – You’re dads right, stop DD doing Brownies
YANBU – You’re right, let DD carry on

YANBU - it’s nothing to do with your dad.

Some of the best of my childhood memories come through Guiding and Scouting and loads of opportunities for enrichment that I could never have had.

Your DD sounds like the girls I love teaching because they so want to learn and make the day a nicer one.

What would your dad have her do instead? Sit in the house?

This. Why are you even listening to him? He sounds utterly miserable.

It’s absolutely none of your dad’s business

I didn't even finish reading your op, your Dads absolutely wrong. I never got to do brownies or anything like that, money and pedophiles were my parents reasons. Both very fair reasons, especially at the time with regards to child welfare.

Two of my DDs do brownies & Guides, they are not as enthusiastic as your DD but my DN was. I'm happy to pay what I don't see as much for them to wider their social group and do fun activities they enjoy. I'm also in a position to pay for other activities I was never allowed. It is absolutely NOT spoiling her. Your given your child something she wants and his ultimately good and educational.

Please don't entertain the idea of curbing her enthusiasm for another second. It is wonderful she's so committed to it. A brilliant quality. With all due respect, your dad's mentality on it is really skewed. A lot of parents would love their kids to be so keen on a hobby. It isn't making her spoilt, it's developing skills, resilience, team work etc. Your dad really has no clue on this because he hasn't been exposed to this kind of thing. Don't listen.

Blimey, your DF hasn't half done a number on your head. He's actually managed to make you think he should be listened to. It's not a question of what he thinks and whether or not he's right - it's a question of you being an adult now, with your own child, and he can FOTTFSOF if he thinks he can say ONE WORD about how she's raised.

Everyone has said it already and you’re on 100% but YADNBU! Besides anything, guiding and scouting teaches their members so much and why would you want to demotivate a young child from wanting to do something like this?! My DD and DS are both Scouts and it costs a fair bit to be honest with all the camping etc they do but it is excellent value for money and they love it. I’d be gutted if they wanted to give it up!

Are you going to tell us that your dad was a fantastic hands on father and did loads of great activities with you ourside of school?

He's a knob. Show him the comments to drive the point home, and let your daughter have her fun

rename your dad

Visably miserable

extra curriculum activities are a wonder part of growing up, sports, dancing, hobbies, brownies have so many advantages. You make life long friends of different ages and from different schools that share a likening for a pastime that you do.

Tell your dad thanks for your input its been noted

then continue as you are

my dad spent hours taking my dd to sports activities that she loved and he had an interest, it formed such a great bond between them. They had family time in the car and hours of chit chat that she looks back on with such happy memories.

1. ignore him he's being entirely unreasonable

2. be careful when they're around each other - I hope he at least has enough sense to keep his opinions to himself in front of her and doesn't make her feel bad for doing it.

Your Dad sounds like a seriously unhappy man and mean spirited man

Happily your daughter sounds delightful

Do be careful of him having too much influence over her - he sounds like the sort of person who enjoys crushing other people's spirits to make themselves feel better

Im so glad that the vote is unanimous in favour of telling your dad to fecking mind his own business - over 450 votes can't be wrong

Not seen a single post saying your dad is right. Because he isn't!

It's a good thing for people of any age to have hobbies. Sounds like your dad needs to belatedly take some up.

Your daughter can do Rangers from 14 - 18 and/or become a Young Leader, then progress to be an Adult Leader. Most of the Adult Guide Leaders I know have been with the movement continuously since Brownies. She can certainly continue to get badges, leaders get them from GGUK for various reasons (years of service, thank you badges), and in my unit, if we do unofficial badges (i.e. ones outside the programme you describe in the OP), we get one too for our own guide blankets. I would say that being a Young Leader - working with and organising young children - looks very good on a CV.

Your dad needs a kick up the arse

Your daughter sounds like a girl who will go far 🥰

Maybe your dad feels guilty that he wasn’t able to afford for you to do stuff like this as a child.

Obviously, he is still being very very unreasonable but that might be the where it has come from.

Uh, I think you know the answer.

Your father is demented.

He doesn’t have good will toward your daughter or you, why are you even listening to him? Stay as far away from him as possible, he should be allowed to spew his garbage anywhere near your daughter and crush her spirit.

Do not enable him, he is awful. It will be squarely on you if you let him have any influence over your daughter.

I haven’t read the whole thread, so apologies if a PP has already covered this, but be very wary if your DD wants to go on residential trips with Girl Guides.
Their policy is to put intact male teenagers into shared sleeping accommodation with the girls, if they simply claim to identify as transgender, and they will not warn the girls’ parents that they are doing this, to protect the trans teen’s confidentiality. They couldn’t care less about the obvious safeguarding issues, and have hounded out volunteers who objected. Be aware that your DD may have to share communal showers with a naked boy, or undress in front of one in a dormitory or twin room.
There have been threads on the fwr boards on MN on the subject months ago.

I hope you know deep down that your dad is being unreasonable, and he was being unreasonable when he didnt allow you to do these things as well.

My own dad was like this. He wouldn't let me do anything after school, or in general, that cost money or inconvenienced him. He always had money for his own hobbies though...

The comment about clubs being for "posh people who just want to leave parenting to others" sounds like something my dad would say. Yes he grew up in poverty in the 60s but that doesn't mean every other child should suffer!

Your DD sounds lovely and not at all spoilt. It's great that you're giving her the opportunities you didnt have and that she's so enthusiastic and appreciative.

Ignore your dad and change the subject if he starts banging on about it again. It's not really anything to do with him is it?

Obviously I meant he should not be allowed to spew his garbage

Your Dad deprived you, and the effect is still there, hence this post. I’ve rarely seen such a unanimous aibu

Do you live with ypur dad?
Are you askng him to fund brownies?
Why are you even talking to him abput it?
Just say "dd loves brownies" end of

Poor kid. At least she's got you.
Brownies is great and you should be really proud of her x

It’s worrying that you give his view any consideration. Bad enough that he held you back with his ridiculous prejudice but now he’s trying to control you dd. She and you sound lovely and good luck to her.

YANBU she's not spoilt at all. My step daughter wanted to join. But she didn't like the uniform so she refused.

I think it's wonderful she is so keen. It's best to get children interested while they are young. She is much less likely to be hanging around the streets causing trouble.

It get's them interested in activities they wouldn't do otherwise It keeps her busy and when she goes up to the girl guides she will learn skills and independence. We did all sorts of stuff coffee mornings jumble sales learning social skills.

All skills needed for them to grow up into a young person and adult. They do some really good camps as well. I went to one for a week. I didn't want to come home. Your dad is a miserable sod.