Do I need to curb my DDs enthusiasm for Brownies?

[LovesLovesLovesBrownies]

DD is 8 and a girlguide. A Brownie at the moment but she did Rainbows before and will most likely do Guides after.

Just had an argument with my dad over it and don’t know whether I am UR or not.

I never did hobbies or interests outside of school, dad said they were too expensive and where for posh people who just want to leave parenting to others. I begged to do scouts or guides or DOE Award or anything at all but was always told no.

He says now DD is a Brownie I need to seriously think about “reigning her in” and curb her enthusiasm for it. This is because she puts herself forward for all events outside of meetings and me and ExH have only told her once or twice that she can’t do them. Apparently, this is spoiling her, isn’t teaching her anything and pushing her away from us.

DD absolutely loves Brownies, is very self-motivated, wants to do Interest Badges in every spare minute - she did all 12 Interest Badges at Rainbows and has already done 8 out of 18 for Brownies. She already has Brownie Bronze (after getting Rainbow Bronze and Silver) and will most likely get Silver at Christmas. I knew when I signed her up that she would have to commit to occasional events outside of meetings but I wanted her to do it. She does all her school work including homework and is well behaved at school, so I see no reason to stop it.

I pay for everything to do with it have never asked for help from family or ExH, although ExH bought her another tshirt when she started Brownies as he wanted her to have the long sleeve one for winter. ExH also takes DD to any events that fall on his weekend but I always offer to take her myself and repay contact but he never wants that.

There’s 3 events between now and Christmas and DD wants to do all of them, there was no reason to stop her. 2 are free so no extra costs involved as we can walk to them and the 3rd which falls on ExHs weekend I covered the cost of. There’s usually 3-4 events per quarter apart from in Late Spring/Summer where they all fall in May and June bar 1 in August (which is completely optional and is the only one I’ve ever said no to, ExH said no to an event once as they had a family wedding that day and DD was fine with it, didn't sulk and enjoyed the wedding).

DD is extremely grateful, always says thank you and when I changed my job recently very politely asked if there was enough money to pay for Brownies still as she didn’t mind going without Christmas or Birthday presents if there wasn’t (there was).

Dad still insists she’s spoilt. Especially as she does 2 sports as well, but she’s not as enthusiastic about those and would choose Brownies over those anyday and has done, when events like competitions or matches have clashed she’s chosen Brownies over the sport(s). Dad also says that there’s no point in encouraging it as she can’t do it as an adult, I pointed out leaders/volunteers but he said not everyone can do that and she won’t “get badges” for doing it. He also says hobbies take away family time and he can't see ExPILs "putting up" with it much longer as they only get to see DD on ExHs weekends - ExH did hobbies (he's an only child) so I doubt they're against them. He says my mum also gets annoyed about it as she then can't see us at weekends - my parents are 15 years divorced and rarely talk also my mum comes to "watch" DD in her parades/events if they're open to the public as does Ex-MIL.

So WIBU?

Vote:
YABU – You’re dads right, stop DD doing Brownies
YANBU – You’re right, let DD carry on

strong agree

I’m a bit concerned that you can’t see he’s being unreasonable, does he try to control a lot of your life?

There is a certain type of person (usually older, often male) who believes that anything that brings pleasure to a child will 'spoil' them. Thankfully, that attitude is dying out. I remember when DD had just started reading independently and was absorbed by the Harry Potter books, my FIL went on constantly about how she shouldn't be reading these books - they would ruin her eyes, etc, etc. Basically he was a miserable old git who didn't like to see anyone - especially a child - enjoying themselves. My mother hated me reading when I was a child, too.

Sod your dad it's nothing to do with him. I never did anything like that as mum couldn't afford it/not even sure we had one locally, my 6yr old does Rainbows and will do Brownies too if she wishes, she loves it and i love how much enjoyment she gets from it, we're happy paying for any extras that come up too. It's not being spoilt having a hobby. She sounds lovely especially being prepared to forego presents to remain in Brownies.

You're dad is a fun sponge. But it also sounds like maybe he feels guilty you didn't get these opportunities as a child and he will feel better if he stops you're daughter. YANBU.

What do you want out of this? Is it just support? Either way, I’m sure you’re obviously aware that you’re dad’s being very odd, so I’m not sure why you’re asking.

I love the idea that being a Brownie means that you are spoilt!

Do you ever moan about taking her to places in front of him?

*your not you're. Stupid autocorrect.

Giving your child (affordable) opportunities to grow as a person and develop their skills is not spoiling them, its being a good parent.

Also this ^

I disagree with this. There are very few children for which learning a sport, or a musical instrument etc has much 'value' in the sense of being useful (fun, enriching yes, useful for their future - for most, probably not).

But the skills that are taught at scouts/guides/brownies etc can stay with a child for life - teamwork, empathy, community spirit, personal development, leadership etc. And most children will come away from scouts/guides with at least a basic understanding of these subjects.

Sorry but your dad sounds controlling. Never heard such drivel. Brownies is great, and it sounds like you and your exh are coparenting well around it. It's none of his business, is sour grapes about other things too?

Your daughter sounds like a gorgeous bright active girl, don't 'reign that in'!😱
Your dad has a reverse snob chip on his shoulder, or else he can't be bothered to get off his bum to see his grandaughter at events she loves - probably prefers to sit on the sofa with her and teach her to drink tea out of a saucer 🤣
I'm amazed you are giving his views the time of day (of course with the proviso that she is seeing something of her grandparents and wider family)

Of course your daughter should carry on. She’s happy. You sound happy. Your ex sounds happy. Frankly, your dad can butt out - it’s nothing to do with him! Equating interests and hobbies with indulgence just sounds like envy and resentment on his part.

echoing everyone else that your DD sounds very sweet and your dad is a miserable git trying to take something lovely and fun and wholesome away from a child!

Your dad is a controlling twat. Who the actual fuck does he think he is?

Your Dad sounds like a really awful man. Does he just sit in his chair moaning about everything.

Your daughter sounds lovely and you should be encouraging her to participate in everything she can - she needs to see as little of her grandfather as possible.

I am sorry OP but your dad sounds pretty awful and I’d be considering my DD’s exposure to some of his attitudes.

100% AIBU votes are very very rare.

This is the weirdest thing.

Surely this kind of enthusiasm is to be desired (throughout life!). Joiners in are very valuable members of the community.

@budgiegirl it's depends on the child! One of mine is a professional classical musician, the other uses her sports in her everyday job and her sports leadership exams were what got her hired.

Your dad is a batshit, joyless fun sponge. Tell him to shove it.

I'm a brownie volunteer - we love kids like yours! Please keep doing the extras - it's makes our day seeing their happy little faces.

100% YANBU vote currently - that's got to be some kind of record and should definitely tell you who is right.

The level of control and manipulation he's trying to have over you is very concerning to be honest! The fact you seemed to almost consider he had a point even more so! I bet he loved it when you and exH split up, much easier to manipulate one person than two. Please don't stop her!

Your dad sounds like he he might have some strange ideas from somewhere which may not be his fault (what was his childhood like?). But do not allow that to disrupt your daughter's enjoyment. Children do get enthusiastic about odd stuff at this age (not that brownies is particularly odd though...). It will soon wear off when she's a teenager and you will miss the enthusiasm! It is normal for children to complain and whinge sometimes so I also wouldn't make attendance at brownies conditional on 100% perfect behaviour.

In a very dark time when I was being badly bullied at school Guiding was pretty much my saviour. It made all the difference to have an escape and a social life with girls who didn’t go to my school. Extra-curricular activities aren’t primarily about acquiring ‘useful’ skill to a very high level. What a sad metric for the ways in which they can enrich a child’s life.