Do I need to curb my DDs enthusiasm for Brownies?

[LovesLovesLovesBrownies]

DD is 8 and a girlguide. A Brownie at the moment but she did Rainbows before and will most likely do Guides after.

Just had an argument with my dad over it and don’t know whether I am UR or not.

I never did hobbies or interests outside of school, dad said they were too expensive and where for posh people who just want to leave parenting to others. I begged to do scouts or guides or DOE Award or anything at all but was always told no.

He says now DD is a Brownie I need to seriously think about “reigning her in” and curb her enthusiasm for it. This is because she puts herself forward for all events outside of meetings and me and ExH have only told her once or twice that she can’t do them. Apparently, this is spoiling her, isn’t teaching her anything and pushing her away from us.

DD absolutely loves Brownies, is very self-motivated, wants to do Interest Badges in every spare minute - she did all 12 Interest Badges at Rainbows and has already done 8 out of 18 for Brownies. She already has Brownie Bronze (after getting Rainbow Bronze and Silver) and will most likely get Silver at Christmas. I knew when I signed her up that she would have to commit to occasional events outside of meetings but I wanted her to do it. She does all her school work including homework and is well behaved at school, so I see no reason to stop it.

I pay for everything to do with it have never asked for help from family or ExH, although ExH bought her another tshirt when she started Brownies as he wanted her to have the long sleeve one for winter. ExH also takes DD to any events that fall on his weekend but I always offer to take her myself and repay contact but he never wants that.

There’s 3 events between now and Christmas and DD wants to do all of them, there was no reason to stop her. 2 are free so no extra costs involved as we can walk to them and the 3rd which falls on ExHs weekend I covered the cost of. There’s usually 3-4 events per quarter apart from in Late Spring/Summer where they all fall in May and June bar 1 in August (which is completely optional and is the only one I’ve ever said no to, ExH said no to an event once as they had a family wedding that day and DD was fine with it, didn't sulk and enjoyed the wedding).

DD is extremely grateful, always says thank you and when I changed my job recently very politely asked if there was enough money to pay for Brownies still as she didn’t mind going without Christmas or Birthday presents if there wasn’t (there was).

Dad still insists she’s spoilt. Especially as she does 2 sports as well, but she’s not as enthusiastic about those and would choose Brownies over those anyday and has done, when events like competitions or matches have clashed she’s chosen Brownies over the sport(s). Dad also says that there’s no point in encouraging it as she can’t do it as an adult, I pointed out leaders/volunteers but he said not everyone can do that and she won’t “get badges” for doing it. He also says hobbies take away family time and he can't see ExPILs "putting up" with it much longer as they only get to see DD on ExHs weekends - ExH did hobbies (he's an only child) so I doubt they're against them. He says my mum also gets annoyed about it as she then can't see us at weekends - my parents are 15 years divorced and rarely talk also my mum comes to "watch" DD in her parades/events if they're open to the public as does Ex-MIL.

So WIBU?

Vote:
YABU – You’re dads right, stop DD doing Brownies
YANBU – You’re right, let DD carry on

Ignore your dad. Children aren't children for long. Scouting and guiding teach really useful skills for life outside school.

What’s it got to do with your Dad anyway? Is he paying for any of it? Does it impact him in any way? If the answer is no, then just politely tell him to butt out and that you want your daughter to be able to enjoy the things you weren’t allowed as a child.

Why are you giving his views any heads pace at all? You must know full well that he's a miserable fucker who knows nothing about nurturing a child's interests?

Your Dad is not the parent here. You (and ExH) are. His (extreme) opinions are irrelevant and you don’t have to listen to them. I feel like you probably need someone to tell you that and give you permission to ignore him.

My Dad was like yours.
I suffered for it. Didn't do anything because HE thought it worthless.

When my DD1 was a child.. not even a teen, she told my dad she was going to be a doctor when she grew up. He laughed in her face, told her it was only for posh kids who went to private school and that she'd never make it.

I was livid but too cowed by years of his negativity to say anything.
But my step mum overheard. She tore a strip off him....(in the way I wish I had had the guts to)

DD1 is a doctor now

Stand up for yourself and your daughter... whether it's Brownies, line dancing or climbing Mount Everest! Ignore his views... but more than that, actively combat them with everything you have in you. I wish I had.

Ironically my Dad died not long before DD1 graduated, but he was always bragging about her to his friends..about the career SHE had the determination to achieve!

This. Ignore him.

What a lovely daughter you have. Please don’t hold her back and listen to your dad!!

When he comments on it, I would actually be upfront with him and say, "Yes, one of the things I regret most about my own childhood is that I wasn't given the opportunity to do these kinds of hobbies, so I'm doing my best to ensure that DD can do the things she enjoys. She loves Brownies, so that's what shes doing."

Hit the fucker where it hurts.

Sounds like your dad’s always been a miserable fucker. Ignore him and enjoy your dd’s joy and enthusiasm.

Speaking as a Guide leader I obviously think you should keep your DD in Brownies (and Guides and Rangers later if she wants). It develops a whole host of useful skills - teamwork, organisation, confidence, practical things, creativity... and planning for and and completing all those badges won’t do her any harm when it comes to planning and revising for school exams. If her grandfather upsets her about her interest, remind her that her promise requires her to be true to herself and develop her beliefs which is what she is doing!

I'm sorry your dad is such an arsehole, but you really should not take parenting advice from him.

Your dad sounds odd and you don’t need to see your parents every weekend, nor does DD need to see the other set of GPs every time she’s with her dad.

Your daughter sounds lovely by the way. Maybe she will be a GG one day or a Scout, maybe she won’t but long live her enthusiasm!

it's depends on the child! One of mine is a professional classical musician, the other uses her sports in her everyday job and her sports leadership exams were what got her hired

Oh, I agree, some children of course will use their sports/music skills for their future jobs. But the vast majority will not (most children who play football at grass roots level will not go on to be professional football players for example). It doesn't mean these skills don't have value, and of course the children enjoy them. But, in my opinion, almost all children will use the skills they learn in scouts/guides, as these are 'life lesson' skills, that can be used in everyday situations.

What a sad way of counting the value of an activity.

You know that "enjoyment" is sufficient justification on its own, don't you? Brownies teaches lots of soft skills, but even if it didn't, time spent with her peers doing an activity she enjoys is never wasted.

Your dad has some major insecurities showing there.
For perspective my sons are Scouts
(A beaver & an explorer) and his grandparents actively encourage them to do it. The older one is thinking of quitting (14 and everything is a bit meh) and I got a lecture from FIL about encouraging him not to do it as it instils so many valuable skills in kids.
Your daughter isn't being spoilt she is being given opportunities to develop and grow as a person, have fun, learn skills, interact with others and skills like teamwork.

Your DD sounds lovely, and Brownies is really good for girls, so its great she's enjoying it so much. My DD is long past the Brownies stage so the only time I see them is at things like Remembrance parade, but they all look so sweet and proud to be there.

Your dad is weird. Dont listen to him.

Your dd is learning all sorts of valuable skills, both practical and social. Why on earth would anyone want to stop a child doing something which clearly benefits them massively?

Don't get why you’re even listening to your dad, especially when you remember how it felt for you as a child.

Op, your dad doesn't sound normal. Course loving an activity / hobby is a good thing! Encourage it, let your daughter participate as much as she likes. She's having a great time and your a great mum for supporting her.

You're*

I'm going to be polite here but your dad is so wrong & is being so mean! You're not spoiling her at all. If your dd enjoys Brownies & gets a lot out of it then encourage her. She'll have friends, will learn a lot & it will boost her confidence no end to have all these achievements.
What does he want her to do instead? Hang around the streets or sit in the house on her phone all day? If you can afford it & you can fit it into your schedule please don't break her heart by stopping her from going just because your dad says you're spoiling her.
Apart from which you're her parent, not him! He's had his time to parent, now it's your turn. You do what you think is best & don't let him sway you in any way

Your Dad has to justify your upbringing to himself and anyone else who will listen. This is how he's doing it. Not nice, sadly.

This is such an odd post - why would you have to curb your childs enthusiasm for brownies.
Your Dad sounds like s miserable fucker and I would be staying away from him as much as possible and keeping my child away too. If you even feel to need to ask this question I think your parents are having way too much influence on your life!

Tell your dad to wind his neck in and mind his own business.

Your Dad sounds like an absolute dick.

Yes very good point. In his thinking if you do things differently than he did, then that might mean that maybe he didn't do everything as well as he thinks he did .. and he can't have people seeing/thinking that ..