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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Worried about my maintenance payments ending and how I’ll live

168 replies

Tiredmum1106 · 02/11/2022 07:35

My daughter (11) gets nearly £700 a month from her biological father, they met briefly (age2) but it wasn’t a meeting I arranged for visitation, I wanted to know what support I was going to get from Him.

He’s paid every month since on time, we have got accustomed to this money now, we didn’t have it before as it was a casual relationship rather than actual dating.

what are we going to do once he no longer has to pay maintenance, can I get a court order to make him carry on until she’s financially stable?

they haven’t met since the day he came to discuss payments as he wanted to do it out of CMS, I declined as he should pay the exact amount CMS said, to the penny.

OP posts:
Dinhop · 02/11/2022 07:37

do you work or just survive off this £700?

icelollycraving · 02/11/2022 07:38

Presumably it’ll come whilst she’s in FTE so more time yet. What plans are you making to earn more? She wouldn’t be a child anymore so would be able to contribute if working. Sorry if I’m not understanding correctly.

NukaColaQuantum · 02/11/2022 07:40

I say YABU, but I don’t have any answers.

I have friends who are lone parents, ex isn’t around, on low wages, get a pittance in CMS, and some benefits.

They are panicked about how they’ll survive once their children turn 18 and CMS/benefits stop.

They can’t work a “better” job - no time/funds to upskill, or their DC have additional needs so they can’t work more.

I’m one of them. But I have a degree and a Masters and will be doing a fully funded PhD soon, so I can upskill and change careers whereas they cannot.

ladywithnomanors · 02/11/2022 07:40

What is the agreement with him? To pay until she’s left school at 18? Or while she’s in full time education eg University?
By then she’ll be an adult and able to contribute to the household. Maybe get another job? You can’t expect him to pay you money forever.

AriettyHomily · 02/11/2022 07:41

CMS say to the end of FTE don't they? What do you mean by financially stable?

bjjgirl · 02/11/2022 07:42

You shouldn't rely on this money as it can always be taken away, harsh but true. He could loose his job or move abroad, protect yourself by supporting yourself financially (I was a single mum for years and did this)

When she turns 18 she can work and contribute to the family pot - just like any other 18 year old.

ApolloandDaphne · 02/11/2022 07:43

She will either go into further education or get a job. She will have a student loan/wage to support her. Her DF may continue to support her on her FE. You will work and have your own income to support you.

LadyHarmby · 02/11/2022 07:43

Maybe he will continue to pay but directly to her once she is 18 or has left FTE. But he doesn’t have to.

Meseekslookatme · 02/11/2022 07:44

You have plenty of time to plan.
As PP have said, this could disappear at any time though.

SeemingOKToday · 02/11/2022 07:44

You say 'until she's financially stable' but 'how i' ll live' in your title.

Once she's an adult cm will stop - how you live isn't his concern.

Do what other people have to do. Get a job. Get a second job. Get a better job. Or budget for the amount of money you'll receive on benefits.

bjjgirl · 02/11/2022 07:44

What is their relationship? Maybe if this improves he will choose to continue to support her?

JessesMum777888 · 02/11/2022 07:45

It isn’t just down to him to make sure she is financially stable.

BMW6 · 02/11/2022 07:45

Do you work OP?

Rosenotred · 02/11/2022 07:46

icelollycraving · 02/11/2022 07:38

Presumably it’ll come whilst she’s in FTE so more time yet. What plans are you making to earn more? She wouldn’t be a child anymore so would be able to contribute if working. Sorry if I’m not understanding correctly.

I'm not sure if this thread is real. If it is OP needs to realise (and fast) that in this current economy anything could happen job loss or illness then what should she do? £700 for one child is a lot of money and a good percentage should be made compulsory to put in a bank account for the child's future. The money isn't to fund the mother's lifestyle ... no wonder some men think this is what all us mums do!!

Lockheart · 02/11/2022 07:46

At £700/month you could put a fair bit away for her in savings. By the time she's 18 she'll have a great nest egg which could help her with uni or housing. No need to worry about her being on the bones of her arse.

GinIronic · 02/11/2022 07:47

As pp have said - don’t rely on the money. You should be financially independent and this money is extra for your daughter and her needs until it stops. I am assuming the money is voluntary - how would you cope if it stopped tomorrow?

ordinarilyordinary · 02/11/2022 07:47

Do you work OP? Are you able to put some of this money away in a savings account for your child in the future?

KenAdams · 02/11/2022 07:47

Rosenotred · 02/11/2022 07:46

I'm not sure if this thread is real. If it is OP needs to realise (and fast) that in this current economy anything could happen job loss or illness then what should she do? £700 for one child is a lot of money and a good percentage should be made compulsory to put in a bank account for the child's future. The money isn't to fund the mother's lifestyle ... no wonder some men think this is what all us mums do!!

Show quote history

I'm betting on it being a reverse

forevercooking · 02/11/2022 07:49

@KenAdams same, reads like one.

Quitelikeit · 02/11/2022 07:52

i agree 700 is a huge loss but you’ve still got a good few years left to make something of your life in order to find extra income

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 02/11/2022 07:55

If this is true, it's a worrying state of affairs.

Solely relying on the money of a casual fling is pretty poor judgement.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 02/11/2022 07:56

Ffs count yourself lucky you've had £700 a month. I get about £5 from my DDs dad and I had to fight a year to even get that. And I'm far from the only one, especially as they have no contact.

You have yet to say if you work or are a student. If not, then I suggest you get up off your arse and do so.

Ilikewinter · 02/11/2022 07:56

I dont believe a word of this....

TeachesOfPeaches · 02/11/2022 07:57

If he lost his job or died tomorrow he wouldn't have to pay you anything so you really need to arrange your finances so you aren't reliant on him.

DrManhattan · 02/11/2022 07:59

Get a job?

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