AIBU? Worried about my maintenance payments ending and how I’ll live

[Tiredmum1106]

My daughter (11) gets nearly £700 a month from her biological father, they met briefly (age2) but it wasn’t a meeting I arranged for visitation, I wanted to know what support I was going to get from Him.

He’s paid every month since on time, we have got accustomed to this money now, we didn’t have it before as it was a casual relationship rather than actual dating.

what are we going to do once he no longer has to pay maintenance, can I get a court order to make him carry on until she’s financially stable?

they haven’t met since the day he came to discuss payments as he wanted to do it out of CMS, I declined as he should pay the exact amount CMS said, to the penny.

Exactly!

Ultimately you can want all you want but legally he'll stop paying once she's 18 and you'll have to suck it up . So I'd be getting used to the idea .

So you had a short fling, without using contraception, and choose to have the baby. Then had a cataclysmic birth that left you too disabled to work, which is new to me. Then chased the guy for money, 700 a month! Sounds like bullshit to me. Get a job like everyone else. There must be something you can do as the payments will stop at 18.

Yes, I think this sums it up, unless I have missed something.

Whst I don’t understand is why you don’t look to yourself to support your child

i understand why you are claiming maintenance etc but not why you think you should get it for your lifetime?

what are you achieving in life? What are your goals?

don’t waste your life hoping for a miracle go out there and show your daughter a strong independent woman

good luck

I'm assuming that if the OP was left disabled as a result of giving birth then there must have been some form of medical negligence or similar so there must have been some sort of payout.

even going as far as to make me and my daughter to a DNA test 🙄

What's wrong with that?

Who's going to part with £700 pm for at least 18 years without proof?

Beginning to wonder if this was a pregnancy trap personally so I frankly wouldn't blame him either.

Excellent point.

I am still very intrigued to hear what happened in childbirth to make the op permanently disabled. And apparently unable to do any work at all. Also is she saving the money for her daughter or using it to pay off her debts.

Once his child is 18, and out of FT compulsory education, he doesn't have to pay maintenance. Setting aside the non contact, he has been very generous and decent in his support.

So how are you providing a roof etc for her now? Through benefits and your ex's maintenance?

I doubt you'll get any response to that. Constant drip feeding etc, constant victim.

And the op does not answer any questions.

@NannyOggsWhiskyStash yeah I'm calling BS on the whole thing

You’re entitled to that money for as long as she is in full time education or under 18. If she wants to go to uni she will have to get a loan and with you not working that loan will be enough to cover her costs so you won’t be having to financially support her through.

as shitty as it is that he shirked his parental responsibilities and had to be tracked down, he has since paid a large sum of money each month towards her upbringing. Once she’s financially independent of you ie. At uni, you are no longer entitled to any money. You are not his responsibility, only his daughter is and once she’s an adult if she wants his financial help, she’ll have to get in contact with him herself. That’s life.

im guessing he didn’t want to keep the baby and you decided to keep her (absolutely your choice), but he has been paying for his daughter for 9 years now. You’ve had about £75k off this man so far and will be getting substantially more over the next 7 years. Did he ever want contact? Who’s choice was it for him to be no contact long term?

im also intrigued about the fact that child birth left you with such a serious disability that you are completely unable to work. Even a job where you mostly work from home/ sitting in an office.

OP being classified as disabled is such a wide term. I am classified as disabled and seen people with my issues not working but the reality is - you can find work, you just have to be flexible - there are few conditions thatmake it impossible for one to be completely unable to work.

I am more disbaled now than I was in my 20s -disease progression but I hold down a full time job and a part time job. Yes I have pain and am knackered at the end oft he day and week but am perfetly capable of doing both roles.

I’d be demanding a dna test too, if woman I was casually dating started demanding money to the sum of 700 too.

Obviously most of you haven’t been abandoned by the father of your child and left to bring them up alone, so I’ll allow the nasty comments to a point!

I shouldn’t have to justify myself or explain but I will in this case! I had 110 hour Labour which resulted in a traumatic emergency C Sec, contracting E-Coli and the trauma of the birth itself left me with Fibro, CFS, Anxiety and PTSD.

He still doesn’t owe you a living.

I'm sorry you've been through all that. But it's nothing to do with the maintenance payments.

once shes 18 (thats even if she goes to college and uni) then YOU need to pull up your socks and start working out how to pay for your own life, it isnt the guys fault you dont work.

what stops you doing a part time gig from home, anything to bring a little income into your home.?

surely not setting a great example to your child either showing her you depend on this guys monthly income.

If your classed as disabled surely your claiming LCWRA and PIP?

I'm a single mum, my kids are 5 and 7. I fled DV when my children were 8 months old and nearly 2 years old. We have a court order where he cannot contact or communicate with any of us. We havnt seen their dad since then and dont get CMS and we are absolutely fine financially wise. I dont work either

I think you sound really entitled, if you are classed as disabled then you should claim the appropriate benefits, if your not then that's on you not your ex.

If your not working and claiming benefits your income is around £1400 including the £700 off your childs DF and that's not including your rent

If your claiming disability benefits your income will be around £2000 a month depending which rate of PIP ( £2000 is off the minimum PIP ) you get and again that's not including rent

You sound really angry and entitled. You didnt have to keep your pregnancy you could of aborted, he pays you £700 a month. That's a fantastic amount and should be enough to provide for your DD

It sounds like you didnt really want him to have much to do with your child other than financially tbh

So he supports her until she's completed her education and starts gainful employment; will you be able to sufficiently support yourself then?

How will you cover your expenses once that comes to an end? Will your daughter be responsible for that £700 shortfall, or do you have a plan for that time?